Newest Member: Qashess

New Beginnings :
The “single and happy” post

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 scaredwoman (original poster member #78680) posted at 9:50 PM on Thursday, August 26th, 2021

Does anyone know how to find the post about being single and happy? My life that I had planned out is no longer and being a new empty nester I find myself in a deep sadness over being alone.

posts: 161   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2021
id 8685625
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 1:23 PM on Friday, August 27th, 2021

I'm sorry that you are struggling. I don't have a link to that post but wanted to know that you've been heard and that you aren't alone <3

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 409   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8685729
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Phoenix1 ( Moderator #38928) posted at 4:54 AM on Saturday, August 28th, 2021

I just bumped the thread I think you are referring to. smile

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 8992   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8685943
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Gottagetthrough ( member #27325) posted at 2:56 PM on Saturday, August 28th, 2021

Huge hugs to you! I am very sad about being over 40 and single, and would love to hear how its a good thing. I know it is! Hugs to you.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 2:57 PM, Saturday, August 28th]

posts: 3585   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8685984
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 scaredwoman (original poster member #78680) posted at 3:48 PM on Monday, August 30th, 2021

@Phoenix1, do you know the title please?

posts: 161   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2021
id 8686217
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:21 PM on Thursday, September 2nd, 2021

I am 48 and LOVE being alone and single. I no longer have to hear criticisms, be asked to do something, cook for someone, or clean their laundry. I don't have to be pressured for sex and then berated for not being in the mood. I don't have to worry where my partner is during the day or at night. I don't have to worry about STD's. I am actually saving money now. I can watch whatever I want on TV whenever I want. I can go and do as I please even see my friends without getting a guilt trip from him.

I am enjoying being alone so much that I am afraid to date in fear of compromising what I have now which is total peace and freedom.

fBS/fWS (me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:50 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 24 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8044   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8686822
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 scaredwoman (original poster member #78680) posted at 9:48 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

Thank you crazyblindsided, stories like this are very encouraging.

posts: 161   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2021
id 8687081
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Anna123 ( member #70908) posted at 2:43 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

I am 48 and LOVE being alone and single. I no longer have to hear criticisms, be asked to do something, cook for someone, or clean their laundry. I don't have to be pressured for sex and then berated for not being in the mood. I don't have to worry where my partner is during the day or at night. I don't have to worry about STD's. I am actually saving money now. I can watch whatever I want on TV whenever I want. I can go and do as I please even see my friends without getting a guilt trip from him.

I am enjoying being alone so much that I am afraid to date in fear of compromising what I have now which is total peace and freedom.


Ditto! I LOVE being single and the master of my own uninterrupted destiny. Still doing laundry and cleaning for my son but he is actually a wonderful person so I don't mind.

As far as being single, no more hurt feelings or confusion from his lack of connection. No more tug and pull of his subtle manipulation of me, over and over and over again. No more wondering where he is or what is in his head. No more being out and him making some slightly off comment that I would never say or think on my own in a million years, yet it reflects on me because of being married. No more seeing him say slightly inappropriate things in front of my son that I have no control over anyway. No more wondering about my financial future, even though it is a bit fragile, I know exactly where every dime goes. No more filing taxes with him. No more keeping up with the Joneses. No more being sound asleep to be awakened after a late night drinking fest to grabs, covers being ripped away, and loud snoring. (This might be the best part and it is probably adding years to my life and brain function with this quality sleep:-)

I have learned that humans are very adaptable, but it takes time. I longed desperately for another partner for quite awhile. Now I know it was habit and I am glad I didn't bond with any of the men I dated, which I know I could have if I allowed it. And this being single might be a habit that is replaced but only if it feels more inviting that what I have going, which will be almost impossible to beat.

As far as the empty-nester, that is one even happily married people suffer with. I am seeing it right now with a close married friend. I am dreading that and may be back here for moral support when that happens!

posts: 624   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8687208
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 8:03 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

I'm 58 and the D was final 6 months ago. My youngest is with me, but he's 26 and dies his own laundry & some cooking.

We had our house paid off. XWH was going to retire early at 55 and work part-time. I filed for D a week before our 34th anniversary. We were a dead bedroom because he'd rather masturbate than try to maintain a relationship.

No more being ignored, no more cooking based on what he wants, I don't have to watch iCarly, Sam and Cat, or Gold Rush again. I don't have to worry about his moods, tantrums or the silent treatment again. Frankly, he's emotionally draining. I feel sorry for my kids when he visits.

My new place is near the grandkids, a mile from the office and in a safe area. It's decorated the way I want, not the way he wanted. Of course, much is second-hand, but I like it. I can watch what I want, cook what I want and go where I want without a man-child to have to take care of.

[This message edited by leafields at 8:07 PM, Sunday, September 5th]

Lea
Me: BW
Married 34 years, 3 DS
DDay #1: March 26, 2018, DDay #2 8/26/2019
Filed for D: 11/16/2020
D Final: 2/25/2021

posts: 653   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8687237
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freetogonow ( member #57821) posted at 8:09 AM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

I opened this thread because I thought it was going to be about people who are single and happy, which I massively am. So, it was not what I expected LOL.

But....

I wanted to say this to you, OP.

There was going to be pain at the empty nest, whether you were with a partner or not. That's because although our job is to grow up our kids and get them to their next stage in life, which leaves us on the periphery, the fact remains that it is still a deep loss.

It's like you just completed the most important job you will ever do. You peaked. It's all downhill from here.

But that is not true. If you have a healthy relationship with your kids, you will continue to have a healthy relationship with them. It's just that you will be less involved on the daily, and of course the boundaries and roles are very different with autonomous adults vs dependent children (and all the transitions in between those two stages).

I had 1 child and it was quite painful when he left for college, and I was still with my husband then. I cried every day for quite some time, I did not know what to do with myself. It's an adjustment. I would have had that adjustment whether I was with someone or not.

It is going to be ok, sister.

posts: 1731   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 8688397
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 scaredwoman (original poster member #78680) posted at 8:04 PM on Friday, September 17th, 2021

THank you everyone. I'm feeling a little more comfortable with living alone although lights stay on at night because i'm still somewhat of a chicken!

As for a partner, I'm not sure I could even give my heart out again. Maybe in a few years I'll see it differently.

posts: 161   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2021
id 8689075
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 6:18 AM on Saturday, September 18th, 2021

Buy some pretty night lights for your self care.

Lea
Me: BW
Married 34 years, 3 DS
DDay #1: March 26, 2018, DDay #2 8/26/2019
Filed for D: 11/16/2020
D Final: 2/25/2021

posts: 653   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8689139
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 scaredwoman (original poster member #78680) posted at 6:38 PM on Tuesday, September 28th, 2021

Buy some pretty night lights for your self care.

I will do this, thank you smile

posts: 161   ·   registered: Apr. 20th, 2021
id 8690678
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