SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

First, let me say I am embarrassed and sorry to say I’m still here. Please don’t judge me 😂. I just wanted it to work so badly. Second. I have already asked for a divorce and sm just waiting on him to find a place. He says he is actively looking, but who knows. But I am second guessing myself now. Husband has a history of at least one PA, and lots of questionable online and phone history. The last straw was the fact that he follows and likes several Instagram models and has struck up a ‘friendship’ with one of them. They have exchanged phone numbers and text regularly. They seem to be in the same line of business (law enforcement) and have plenty to talk about. I asked to look at his work phone - which is what he uses primarily anymore, there’s nothing damning on his regular phone, and read thru the texts. Nothing explicit except for some talk of her bikini but what made me angry is he texted her during our family vacation. Mind you, he didn’t know I knew this woman existed because he didn’t know I can log into his Instagram and read his messages. That felt like a betrayal to me. Also, I had informed him a few months ago that one of our neighbors might be getting divorced. He immediately goes on Instagram and messages her innocent stuff multiple times…how are you doing, how did you fare during the storm? Happy Fourth of July, do you have a pond I can fish in at your new place etc. it’s apparent the local woman isn’t interested in talking to him due to her one word responses. But with his past history it seems I know where this will lead. He’s looking for someone to take the bait but he tells me that I’m keeping him from talking to his friends! And he can’t have women friends?! Please note he has never talked to this local woman before she just lives in our tiny town. I just decided this was the last straw.

My question is, did I overreact? Am I keeping him from innocently having women friends? Am I crazy and controlling?

Side note- we haven’t had sex in over a year and yet he looks at porn all the time. The no sex has been an issue since we’ve gotten married 8 years ago.

He is a cheater that keeps cheating. Did you overreact? Um I guess you did because your marriage is over so stop worrying about him. Talk to him daily about him getting the f out. Make sure he knows he needs to get out. Or you get out. Life is too damn short for this bullshit.

Your post is confusing honestly. What are you asking? He is messaging newly divorced women and talking to women about their bikini pics. Nothing is confusing. Get out of this mess.

You're not crazy, he's a shitbird.

we haven’t had sex in over a year

Not a tolerable situation on it's own. Not infidelity related (necessarily). I wouldn't stand for it. I don't see why you would. I don't see why he would.

I'm not saying he is getting it elsewhere, though it is possible that he is. No one is happy to be without sex for a year or years.

do you have a pond I can fish in at your new place?

He's trolling for fish.

Serial. Cheater.

I would never, ever allow my H to pursue women online, start friendships with them, and admire their bikini pix.

You did not overreact.

You are normal, he is not.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 1:54 PM, July 16th (Friday)]

I don't know if it's "normal" for a man to befriend women on SM....

And

If a cheater befriends another man/woman (whatever floats their sexual boat) on SM, that would be a hard no for me.

FWIW, my WH still engages with women on SM.

Probably part of why I'm on the slow train to D-ville.

Stop doubting yourself and letting the cheater / addict blame you.

He has a few problems - he has zero respect for you, he doesn’t understand monogamy and he’s addicted to the ego boost of trying to hook up with random women.

It doesn’t appear he gets it. He appears to want to continue to behave poorly.

It’s been years of this nonsense. Your decision on what to do.

Why are you "asking" for a Divorce? Have you filed? If you're in the US, you don't have to ask for anything.

My question is, did I overreact?

You mean by no longer accepting his blatant disrespect and lack of care of your feelings?

If you are done then I wouldn't stress yourself over it and keep looking. If you're wanting reconciliation then you're definitely not overreacting. It's never just friends. They start talking about their personal lives and feelings develop. So if you do reconciliation having no social media would be the first thing that would need to go. Sorry you're here and going through this.