Newest Member: username3016

General :
Normal to befriend women on Instagram?

Topic is Sleeping.
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 S13new (original poster New Member #48948) posted at 6:14 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

First, let me say I am embarrassed and sorry to say I’m still here. Please don’t judge me 😂. I just wanted it to work so badly. Second. I have already asked for a divorce and sm just waiting on him to find a place. He says he is actively looking, but who knows. But I am second guessing myself now. Husband has a history of at least one PA, and lots of questionable online and phone history. The last straw was the fact that he follows and likes several Instagram models and has struck up a ‘friendship’ with one of them. They have exchanged phone numbers and text regularly. They seem to be in the same line of business (law enforcement) and have plenty to talk about. I asked to look at his work phone - which is what he uses primarily anymore, there’s nothing damning on his regular phone, and read thru the texts. Nothing explicit except for some talk of her bikini but what made me angry is he texted her during our family vacation. Mind you, he didn’t know I knew this woman existed because he didn’t know I can log into his Instagram and read his messages. That felt like a betrayal to me. Also, I had informed him a few months ago that one of our neighbors might be getting divorced. He immediately goes on Instagram and messages her innocent stuff multiple times…how are you doing, how did you fare during the storm? Happy Fourth of July, do you have a pond I can fish in at your new place etc. it’s apparent the local woman isn’t interested in talking to him due to her one word responses. But with his past history it seems I know where this will lead. He’s looking for someone to take the bait but he tells me that I’m keeping him from talking to his friends! And he can’t have women friends?! Please note he has never talked to this local woman before she just lives in our tiny town. I just decided this was the last straw.

My question is, did I overreact? Am I keeping him from innocently having women friends? Am I crazy and controlling?

Side note- we haven’t had sex in over a year and yet he looks at porn all the time. The no sex has been an issue since we’ve gotten married 8 years ago.

posts: 21   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2015
id 8676162
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stubbornft ( Member #49614) posted at 6:22 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

He is a cheater that keeps cheating. Did you overreact? Um I guess you did because your marriage is over so stop worrying about him. Talk to him daily about him getting the f out. Make sure he knows he needs to get out. Or you get out. Life is too damn short for this bullshit.

Your post is confusing honestly. What are you asking? He is messaging newly divorced women and talking to women about their bikini pics. Nothing is confusing. Get out of this mess.

Me: BS 40
Him: WS 51
He cheated with massage parlor sex workers
Dday 01/19/2021

posts: 801   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8676163
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JanaGreen ( Member #29341) posted at 6:38 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

You're not crazy, he's a shitbird.

posts: 9411   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8676170
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This0is0Fine ( Member #72277) posted at 7:00 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

we haven’t had sex in over a year

Not a tolerable situation on it's own. Not infidelity related (necessarily). I wouldn't stand for it. I don't see why you would. I don't see why he would.

I'm not saying he is getting it elsewhere, though it is possible that he is. No one is happy to be without sex for a year or years.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1326   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8676182
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CuriousObserver ( Member #78743) posted at 7:29 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

do you have a pond I can fish in at your new place?

He's trolling for fish.

Serial. Cheater.

Listen to their words but believe their actions.
The power of a lie is that it is believed to be truth.

posts: 112   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: USA
id 8676194
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OwningItNow ( Member #52288) posted at 7:54 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

I would never, ever allow my H to pursue women online, start friendships with them, and admire their bikini pix.

You did not overreact.

You are normal, he is not.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 1:54 PM, July 16th (Friday)]

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5263   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8676204
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gmc94 ( Member #62810) posted at 8:01 PM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

I don't know if it's "normal" for a man to befriend women on SM....

And

If a cheater befriends another man/woman (whatever floats their sexual boat) on SM, that would be a hard no for me.

FWIW, my WH still engages with women on SM.

Probably part of why I'm on the slow train to D-ville.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3367   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8676206
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 6:09 PM on Sunday, July 18th, 2021

Stop doubting yourself and letting the cheater / addict blame you.

He has a few problems - he has zero respect for you, he doesn’t understand monogamy and he’s addicted to the ego boost of trying to hook up with random women.

It doesn’t appear he gets it. He appears to want to continue to behave poorly.

It’s been years of this nonsense. Your decision on what to do.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10519   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8676581
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justabrokendream ( Member #3075) posted at 6:18 PM on Sunday, July 18th, 2021

Why are you "asking" for a Divorce? Have you filed? If you're in the US, you don't have to ask for anything.

posts: 480   ·   registered: Jan. 3rd, 2004   ·   location: CA
id 8676582
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jb3199 ( Member #27673) posted at 7:40 PM on Sunday, July 18th, 2021

My question is, did I overreact?

You mean by no longer accepting his blatant disrespect and lack of care of your feelings?

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married 28yrs.(together over 30yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 3818   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8676596
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Felix12306 ( Member #78827) posted at 9:54 PM on Sunday, July 18th, 2021

If you are done then I wouldn't stress yourself over it and keep looking. If you're wanting reconciliation then you're definitely not overreacting. It's never just friends. They start talking about their personal lives and feelings develop. So if you do reconciliation having no social media would be the first thing that would need to go. Sorry you're here and going through this.

BS Together for 15 years, married for 10. Dd 1/28/21 after a 44-day affair, only last week of affair was physical but just found that out on 6/18/21.

posts: 102   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2021
id 8676610
Topic is Sleeping.
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