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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 10:42 PM on Monday, July 5th, 2021

I went from shocked and angry to super sad and paralyzed in some ways. I dont feel good at all. I feel lifeless and could care less about the future now.

Its just too much. Cant see my counselor for a month cause she is booked out.

I leave for a vacation tomorrow but dont even want to go. I worry I will die there. Im absolutely heartbroken knowing my ex is a cheater and a liar.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8672594
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 11:20 PM on Monday, July 5th, 2021

(((Lifestoshort))). Infidelity really sucks. But you can and will get through this and a better life is on the other side.

Have you tried any of the online therapy as a stop-gap until you can see your IC? That might help. And certainly lean on your IRL support— friends, family, pastor, etc. Journaling can really help,too, and start thinking about a plan B. Having a plan helps temper fear and taking action can be very empowering.

You are the prize and you are worth fighting your way through this to the other side. You are only 45– there is so much more life for you.

Hang in there, LTS.

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTAKinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4214   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8672598
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LostOpportunities20 ( member #74401) posted at 11:20 PM on Monday, July 5th, 2021

So sorry, sister.

Any family or friends you can talk to?

Hopefully you can use your vacation as a recharge/reset - don't be so fatalistic. You are young and have a lot of life and experiences ahead of you.

BH (late 40s)
WW (late 40s) EA 2008, EA/probably PA 2009

Confessed the first, I caught her the second.

R only in as much as we'll stick it out. Too late to start over.

posts: 110   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2020
id 8672599
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 12:24 AM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

no family at all but my kids. Im journaling but even lost interest in that. writing the truth hurts too much. I have stuffed down crying and its coming out now. I feel a deep ache that was not there before. I hope this is my rebirth and not the death but my heart feels broken. IM worn and aching everywhere, exhausted. I want to sleep and not get up but I do for my kids.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8672619
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 5:46 AM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

I was suppose to go on a trip in the morning and I am not feeling like I can go. Im just stuck. I should go but I want to lay in bed and cry. cause I have yet to do that. Because I want my life to be better. I just hate everything and dont understand why this is all still going on.

I feel anxious yet like I need to sleep for a week.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8672664
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beb252 ( member #78948) posted at 5:58 AM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

You should go. Life is too short to just stay where you right now. You should move and see the world. There's a new world for you out there. Don't focus your attention to those people who took off their mask and showed their true faces to you.

Experience life now - with you. With yourself.

Enjoy!

posts: 378   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8672665
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 6:08 AM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

my older daughter is in town and I just saw her after 6 months... for only an hour. She will be gone by the time I get back from trip. Im on hold w airline now to just go a couple days later.

I truly just want to sleep in tomorrow. Not go somewhere else. plus its SO hot. I have done this trip a ton of times but dread it tomorrow.

I have never felt this way before but I feel strongly I should stay at home for sure at least today. maybe my intuition telling me something.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 12:12 AM, July 6th (Tuesday)]

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8672668
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Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 8:55 AM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

Initially after Dday#2, where I found out about my STBXWW's proclivity for being a total skank, I was despondant, not suicidal as after Dday#1, but I just didnt care if I lived for died. Had I been diagnosed with a terminal illness, my response would have been, it's about fucking time! Let's get on with it...

I'm 4 years post Dday#2, and I can honestly say that it gets better. While I'm not 100%, I am way better than before. I certainly dontvwake up and fer angry I'm alive, a regular occurrence before. I look forward to shit too. Even had some awesome fun times with an amazing woman who showed me what real connection was like. Who knew?

Anyways, this is one painful chapter in your long narrative. There are plenty more amazing chapters to write. Don't rob yourself of those. Give yourself 5 years to more forward and then assess where you are. I guarantee it will be waaaaay better.

Me:53STBXWW:51DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off.Denied having an affair in court papers.

posts: 1110   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8672680
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Unrealized ( member #77151) posted at 9:32 AM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

I remember that pain, but it does get better. Try and get some exercise if you can, that was my lifeline. Your kids need you so look after yourself. Wishing you the best.

posts: 60   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2021
id 8672683
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 5:19 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

i had a full blown ptsd episode last night and canceled the flight. I just wanted to sleep and I did but still woke too early. my body is just shaking, I immediately got sick from nerves.

I couldnt fathom getting on the plane today. so far away from my house and family. even tho I know there are people there that will make me feel better. maybe I dont want to speak it outloud. Its easier to write and be mute. maybe saying things outloud will make it worse. Im not really sure but I hurt so damn bad. I feel its depression coming on now. Im not eating well, I am drained in every part of my body and I have constant welled tears.

my mind knows Im better off w out him but my kids and my heart are another story :(

to top it off, I have let a client know I not coming today and that I had a PTSD episode and now they are harping on me which is making it way worse.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8672783
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 7:41 PM on Wednesday, July 7th, 2021

feeling a tad better but knowing I am not myself lately.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8673176
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BellaLee ( member #58324) posted at 1:45 PM on Thursday, July 8th, 2021

Hi @lifestoshort how are you doing? I'm so sorry you're going through the pain of betrayal and my heart goes out to you.

Please be gentle with yourself, I know you're hurting right now and it's ok to cry. If you have to take time out for yourself, then do that.

I do want encourage you though not to give up, you have your life still ahead of you and your precious children who need their awesome mama.

Remember no matter what has happened, you are worthy of being loved and love that can be trusted.

The mistakes of other people do not define who you are. I pray the near future brings true healing for your emotions, strength and new joyful moments and a loving relationship that surpasses your expectation.

Stay strong!!

posts: 171   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2017
id 8673465
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BentandBroken ( member #72519) posted at 5:42 PM on Thursday, July 8th, 2021

So sorry you are here, but you found a safe place. I just wanted to share that in the immediate aftermath of D-Day I had a hard time leaving the house as well. I felt safer at home. Even short trips to the grocery store were difficult. These feelings will likely subside with time.

Take care of yourself. And I encourage you to find someone to talk to. There are many therapists who specialize in infidelity trauma. What your experiencing right now is, sadly, very common. Hugs to you. Post as often as you like. You will get great support here.

FYI, I am 15 months out from D-Day. And most days I am quite happy. It truly does get better.

[This message edited by BentandBroken at 11:43 AM, July 8th (Thursday)]

20+ year relationshipNever officially marriedDday November 20194 wonderful grown childrenWH multiple APs, currently involved with married COWKicked him out on Dday and that was that

posts: 314   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Michigan
id 8673536
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 10:49 PM on Thursday, July 8th, 2021

thanks everyone. I made it on my trip. Im in between getting dinner right now so thought I would check in. I had 2 days of triggers that were bad and I was a mess but still not crying, just always on the verge. I know I will let it out here. its coming, I feel the storm! was really hard to get here and last night I almost canceled too. Im glad i am here now. I will slept well tonight!

Right now Im going to go pig out on food.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8673646
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 10:51 PM on Thursday, July 8th, 2021

I also plan to finish a book about the chumps while here and process. I have to remind myself that this guy is a damn jerk and not worthy of my time but also knowing he left me and the kids. thats harsh.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8673648
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Pandora16 ( member #56906) posted at 3:19 AM on Friday, July 9th, 2021

I’m so glad you made it on your trip! I think the biggest thing I did for myself post d-day was force myself out of the house, even though I wanted to lay down in my bed and sleep forever. I think if I’d just stayed indoors, I would’ve sunk into a darker place.

I hope you get some rest and enjoy yourself!

D-Day #1 12/8/16 (ILYBINILWY), D-Day #2 12/17/16 (admitted to affair)

Divorced: 10/24/17
Married 20 years, together 24, 1 young adult son

posts: 251   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8673741
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 6:00 AM on Saturday, July 10th, 2021

so far so good here, eating a ton, so much all day long. finally getting some weight n. and Im being social and laughing. Im people watching and its good. Im a tad sad too seeing couples together or holding hands.

One day at a time.

still waking up daily thinking about all this though.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8674181
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 3:06 AM on Sunday, July 11th, 2021

so its definitely the place I was in causing triggers and constant reminders. Im here, far away and not thinking about it all day. I am not sick, I can eat all day and Im sleeping great. so now I go home in 5 days and Im worried. I cant see my counselor for a month cause she is booked (yes Im on cancellation list) I am worried that it will all spiral again when I get home.

I have done no journaling since here, no books read, just living which I think its likely more productive then reminding myself daily that I need to do the work. Im not fully happy but Im content right now and busy. Im allowed alone time and thats helpful vs being responsible for the kids. But I know as soon as I pull into my city, see my bed I was with him in, see his car, have down time, it will all flood me. Im scared. I was getting depressed and suicidal at home. I matter here. I am reminded daily how much I am loved and people flock to meet up with me which is such a beautiful feeling. I will be back in a month for work so I will be able to get away again but being home was making me want to stay in or be unsocial. I was just not me anymore. it was toxic. so how do I prevent that?

Im slightly tempted to have a hookup with a hottie here just to get over my fear of intimacy with others. (this is SO not like me and exactly why Im considering it because I need to not be so scared and also need to break the damn cycle)

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8674401
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 9:11 AM on Friday, July 16th, 2021

well I got my medicine to heal some. I had a rebound with a friend of a friend and he was stunningly gorgeous, sweet,caring, sensual and just what I needed to show me I was getting crumbs prior. my ex was just good at the sex part.

I was so against this and it happened organically. I asked for it to do so and boom the next day it happened! I hope to see him again but if not, I will be over here grinning with all the visions and zingers.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8675991
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 lifestoshort (original poster member #18442) posted at 3:48 AM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

Still doing really well. Im thankful to be out of the fog. even with a trigger of his family being mean to me and kids at a music festival, I just smiled and danced and sang my ass off. Cause screw them! it was my daughters b day too! theyve known us for ages so they knew it was her b day.

I can truly see if they are mad at me when he did all this shit, they are just as toxic and horrible as he is and I wish them all the karma- F them! I guess it was all fake too and know where he got it from.

Im 45. 1st H I left in 2001 after 3 kids. narcassist.
2nd exH had MANY affairs.FALSE R. cheats again. D 5/09. 2 kids. I got 100% custody. ex hasnt seen kids in 5 yrs.
2014 to now: dated highschool sweetheart. He cheated w 23 yr old. she stayed

posts: 1049   ·   registered: Mar. 2nd, 2008
id 8676921
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