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Serious medical complication, advice needed

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josiep posted 6/12/2021 19:45 PM

I'm so sorry to read all this but I know you'll be fine, Bleep. As will your children.

A couple of thoughts rumbling in my brain so I'll toss them out with the caveat that they're simply ideas and quite subject to the idea editor.

I believe you can go to SS now and sit down and have them compute what benefits you and/or the kids would receive.

I wonder if your attorney could contact his attorney and say something like "Mrs. Bleep heard that Mr. Bleep has cancer <or, in the interest of not disclosing his medical info to anyone, substitute "major life news">. Her children are beginning to show signs of worry about it all but he doesn't want to tell Mrs. Bleep about it. Is there anything he'd allow you to share so that she can talk to the children and try to relieve their fears?" Maybe coming at it that way, he'd be willing to allow you to have the info you need for the kids' sakes. And maybe not but.........

And the last thought I had might be off the wall but was he a great guy once upon a time and changed drastically? Is it possible that 9/11 was the cause of him changing? I know that doesn't change things but maybe it helps your heart a little bit to know that you did choose a good man to be your husband and the father of your children. Your picker wasn't broken, life got broken.

And, on the other topic, your dating life is going to be very difficult. And that's because you are strong and resilient and smart and educated. You've gone through all of this mess with grace and determination and it has given you a spine of steel. You've sought to learn about how to get through life's problems and you plow forward every single day. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of potential mates out there who have managed to navigate their life tragedies that well and they remain broken. And they are not suitable for you. The good news is, when you find that elusive one in a million, it will be worth it. I suspect he's probably already out there, looking for you.

WhoTheBleep posted 6/12/2021 21:49 PM

Josiep, hey lady!

was he a great guy once upon a time and changed drastically? Is it possible that 9/11 was the cause of him changing?

He and I met in 1998 and began dating immediately. His Cluster B tendencies were apparent long before 9/11 (although I didn't know that's what they were), and I'm sure he was cheating. Not to mention, I was at Ground Zero too. I didn't use Craigslist casual encounters to cope...

According to family members who no longer speak to him, he was disordered even as a teenager. Purposely cruel to an Asperger's acquaintance, stuff like that. (By the way, found this out after we separated...)

Josie, the rest of your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm at a point in my life where if I am in a relationship, it has to be peaceful and it has to be healthy. I'm surprised at how many people walk around manufacturing drama when there is no cause for it. There are so many people who need conflict. It's like they are afraid to be truly at peace and happy.

It's been 3 weeks since my last brief relationship ended. I cannot describe how peaceful I feel. I feel very Zen about being single. I'm not looking to change this anytime soon. I feel better now than I did in the relationship. That says a lot.😊

Gottagetthrough posted 6/19/2021 18:29 PM

You can absolutely do this. You are strong smart and capable. You and the kids will be ok.

I would ask your attorney the best course.

And if hes got any feelings for the kids, i would ask him to put the money into a trust for them. He can make it as detailed as he wants

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