Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
My Wife is Cheating and I'm Glad

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Thumos ( Member #69668) posted at 4:00 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

Hoo boy.

She sounds like a narcissist with a mommy and daddy who have enabled her pathology.

Keep doing what you're doing. Hopefully she was being served today?

I would be VERY careful now, especially considering the quasi-confrontation with your FIL.

Please, please get a VAR and start carrying it around. A smartphone isn't quick enough on the draw.

I heard yet another story this weekend IRL about a WW trying to foment a false domestic violence charge against her BH. It sounds like your WW is very much capable of this, now that her plan A/plan B strategy is completely crumbling in front of her.

My wife called to me several times, left and then came back and called me again, and again and again… eventually she hit the door really hard like she had kicked it. She let loose some parting volleys, demanding that I stop acting like a child.

This demonstrates an astounding lack of self-awareness on the part of your WW. My own WW called me "sexually immature" because I wouldn't understand that the sex she had with AP was "meaningless." It seems like a relatively common gambit by WW's to try to shame their BH's.

[This message edited by Thumos at 10:17 AM, May 24th (Monday)]

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH (me): 50, WW: 49
Married: Feb. 1996
DDAY: Dec. 20

posts: 4227   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8662203
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LadyFalcon ( New Member #74055) posted at 4:20 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

If I do I will get castigated for not being a good husband to her, because in my religion it is the husband's fault if his wife cheats.

I love it when people take scripture out of context.

Check out David E. Clarke. His book "What to do When He says I don't love you anymore" addresses this fairly in depth. Granted it is from the viewpoint of a cheating husband but the premise works both ways.

My KISA turned out to be a ball of tinfoil.

posts: 13   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2020
id 8662208
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Thumos ( Member #69668) posted at 4:23 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

I won’t insult the intelligence of the fine folks here by enumerating the list of asinine topics he and I went over, but by the end of the talk, which lasted well over twenty minutes, I had shut down every argument he and my MIL tried to make as to absolve their precious little girl from what she had done.

At some point, you should enumerate what you can remember in detail and what your responses were, because it can help other BH's who face the same kind of mental onslaught.

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH (me): 50, WW: 49
Married: Feb. 1996
DDAY: Dec. 20

posts: 4227   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8662210
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longsadstory1952 ( Member #29048) posted at 4:23 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

Well this is certainly a new technique. Bullying a betrayed spouse into staying married.

Is your wife taking any ownership at all?

posts: 1059   ·   registered: Jul. 14th, 2010
id 8662211
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 4:29 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

Sooooo..... she’s not been honest with anyone. I guess you expected that.

I’m sorry your son had to be involved but perhaps it was a good opportunity for him to vent his feelings directly to the person who caused all of this. And IF her parents actually have any brains, they would take that information and think about their daughter for exactly what she is.

A home wrecker. A liar. A cheater. A selfish person.

I would suggest she not be allowed back to your home UNLESS you have a third party present. And not her parents or church members. I would suggest cameras (if necessary) or at least a recording device to protect you.

It’s good to know her parents are as gullible as the “church” members. Because at least you can see where some of her problems stem from.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10532   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8662212
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 4:31 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

You are dealing with a family of cake eating hypocrites who’ve always gotten their way.

You handled it well. They are lashing out because their masks are coming off and they do not want everyone to see who they really are.

You are correct. You’re only good path is zero contact. I’d make it permanent. There is nothing good that will ever come from them. You will always be the enemy.

Your son has probably seen and observed the truth for a long time and his suppressed feelings are now coming out. There maybe more he’s seen that you don’t know about.

You know a lot but it maybe the tip of the iceberg. Don’t be shocked at what more may come out. Your wife is a serial cheater.

You’ve gotten very strong. STAY THERE !!!!

[This message edited by Marz at 10:32 AM, May 24th (Monday)]

posts: 6616   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8662213
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 4:36 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

Get and keep a VAR on you at all times. You can’t trust any of them at all.

Now that they can no longer manipulate you they may try and destroy you. BEWARE !!!!

It maybe a good time to let them know if they push you’ll disclosure the PI findings.

posts: 6616   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8662215
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BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 4:42 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

TheWrongOne,

Wow. I recommend you brief your attorney on what happened since I think she is going to fight this, especially once she sees your petition asking for lifetime alimony. Your lawyer may have some additional guidance on how best to protect yourself going forward.

Stay gray rock and keep your head down. I also suggest you keep a VAR on you at all times. There is no telling what she or her crazy family might try.

How long does the divorce process take in your state? Just wondering how long you'll have to wait out the siege...

[This message edited by BlueRaspberry at 10:47 AM, May 24th (Monday)]

posts: 218   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8662219
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 5:02 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

It seemed like acceptance, which was her attitude after the confrontation, but now we see that it was just the silence before the storm.

You handled the situation very well, there is nothing to say.

“You should have told me you were going to do that so we could decide how to approach the church.”

Wayward mentality I really can't help myself laughing.

Yes, and she should have told you she was going to fuck with (at least 2) another men so you could decide how to approach the infidelity. Fortunately, you had no trouble doing the right thing.

As others have said, it seems that the next process will not be easy as long as they continue like this. You should have a VAR on you.

Good luck.

posts: 478   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8662223
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gemini12 ( New Member #78670) posted at 5:08 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

TWO,

Wow, you had a interesting weekend for sure!

You handled yourself well against some crazy people.

What is your plan for having her served? You mentioned the lawyer stated today(Monday)the paperwork would be ready for her.

posts: 46   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2021
id 8662227
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 TheWrongOne (original poster Member #78753) posted at 5:49 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

I sent her a text telling her to be outside her office in her parking lot at 12:30 today so the process server could come give her the petition. She texted back "So you really are going through with this?" Then "I don't want a divorce! Please!:"

As I suspected: she thought this whole time I was bluffing. Unbelievable .

posts: 180   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2021
id 8662234
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HouseOfPlane ( Member #45739) posted at 5:51 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

Stay gray rock and keep your head down.

Wise words

There's also a lesson to be learned here, for all of the other BS out there. Want to get your revenge on a WS?

Ignore them. Treat them like they don't matter.

DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver

posts: 2718   ·   registered: Nov. 25th, 2014
id 8662236
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Tigersrule77 ( Member #47339) posted at 5:52 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

That episode demonstrates that you are taking the right approach to avoid any and all contact. They are not rational and do not care one bit about how YOU are feeling and dealing with the situation. Congratulations for handling a tough situation. Sounds like you did very well.

I think the important question is, how is your son doing? Sounds like he might benefit from counseling so he can talk to someone about his anger with his mother. Very understandable. I'm sure he would also like to be able to control his emotions in those type of stressful situations.

posts: 1512   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2015   ·   location: Maryland
id 8662237
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Stevesn ( Member #58312) posted at 5:57 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

“If you didn’t want a divorce you shouldn’t have had sex with *****”.

This woman does not understand what it means to truly rebuild after infidelity, either her first or second time.

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3167   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8662238
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 6:03 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

Daddy has enabled her. Nothing was ever her fault and it’s all about her. No one else mattered.

While daddy sat at the right hand side of God, was infallible and no one had the right to question anything he had to say.

Stay as far out of the way as you can get. They have a long hard fall coming and they will take anyone with them they can.

posts: 6616   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8662240
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Thumos ( Member #69668) posted at 6:28 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

"So you really are going through with this?"

Not only did she think you were bluffing, this reveals any semblance of contrition on her part was theatrical and skin deep.

Of course she doesn't want a divorce. Who would want a divorce if they thought they could cajole their husband into once more taking a hit for the team and being the stable steady rock while they got their jollies elsewhere? It was a great set up for her and now it's ending. Of course she doesn't want it to end.

[This message edited by Thumos at 1:01 PM, May 24th (Monday)]

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH (me): 50, WW: 49
Married: Feb. 1996
DDAY: Dec. 20

posts: 4227   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8662251
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Sharkman ( Member #56818) posted at 6:37 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

Dude you have one life to live. Whatever you can do or say to get out of this disaster as fast and as cleanly as you can you should.

You’re a much better man than I. I would have just handed her parents a print out of her texts and then kicked them out. You did the right thing - I wouldn’t have had the strength to do so.

posts: 1716   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2017
id 8662254
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SquirrelFace ( New Member #52946) posted at 7:09 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

"So you really are going through with this?" Then "I don't want a divorce! Please!:"

Me, me, me, I, I, I. Typical.

I would tell her if she really loved you, then she should want for you to be happy. So, she should give you the divorce amicably.

But we know that ain't true.

I'm sure only now is she just starting to consider the future she took for granted of getting old and retiring to enjoy her family going poof.

Now it will be separate holidays and maybe a step-grandmother sharing grandbabies. (Edit: Yeah, I know you said no more marriage, but a guy like you will be too attractive to women in the future. You'll have to actively work at staying single.)

But then life is full of selfish people who have bad impulse control and never consider the future in the present. Jails are full of them.

posts: 42   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2016
id 8662257
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BindassBP ( Member #75283) posted at 7:12 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

As I suspected: she thought this whole time I was bluffing. Unbelievable.

Cake eaters, man. They want both. You, a shiny chip on her shoulder and a boy toy for her amusement.

I think she still cannot believe she can’t have her way out of this mess.

Be ready for more drama. In laws might go crazier after being served. Keep a voice activated recorder on you for your own safety.

posts: 72   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2020
id 8662258
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 7:20 PM on Monday, May 24th, 2021

^^^^^ yep. Be prepared not sorry you weren’t.

Looking ahead I would lay low and not date anyone until the D is complete. I wouldn’t bring anyone into this current situation.

posts: 6616   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8662260
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