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Any Ideas?

Triples posted 4/22/2021 08:22 AM

Don't get me wrong, getting out of infidelity was the best choice. However, ExWW is being extremely difficult, bitter, nasty, etc.
Any of you that had a similar experience-how did you manage? Are there strategies? Do I just wait it out?

The1stWife posted 4/22/2021 08:35 AM

It’s called no contact for a reason. No Contact means she gets no response or reaction except child related or finance related issues.

You never answer her calls.

You only respond to texts about $ or kids. Short one word answers are best. The rest is ignored.

If it’s still not working and you have an attorney - have the attorney respond to her attorney if that is an option.

There are APPS that you can use to remain in contact about important issues. Google apps for divorcing parents and a number of them will pop up. I have friends that use them very successfully. Especially when D a certified narcissist.

DigitalSpyder posted 4/22/2021 08:41 AM

I'd wait it out.

Obviously, she'll find something else to focus her energy on. Perhaps her next victim.

Triples posted 4/22/2021 09:05 AM

Yes, 2 years ago the thought her being with someone else was the last thing I wanted. Now, I fantasize on how I can hook her up with someone. I often wonder what happened between she and the OM, as I have no clue. In my last response to one of her texting tirades-I informed her "this is what you wanted, deal with it". I know I probably should not have went there, but I had enough at that point. In all my research I seem to think she may be the worst!

fareast posted 4/22/2021 14:05 PM

No contact is great, and when you have to have contact, just gray rock. She is lashing out because she hates consequences. There weren’t supposed to be consequences for cheating. It’s all your fault. If you can, look up posts by TheBard for a prime example of an abusive, bitter ex who kept lashing out. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 7:21 PM, April 22nd (Thursday)]

Marz posted 4/22/2021 19:18 PM

Look up “grey rocking”

No contact is your best path.

Ignore.

HalfTime2017 posted 4/22/2021 19:31 PM

You need to do what you can to wrap up the D.

I got some valuable advice from a friend of mine who is female when I was going through the early stages here and with my divorce.

She told me that the faster I can get it done the better. At some point in the future, there is a chance that her AP dicks her around, cheats on her , beats her, or dumps her. When that happens, guess who shes going to turn her attention to? YOU Triples.

Although I took that advice and as quickly as I could Divorced her ass, and went NC, my ex WW is still with her AP. But guess what, I got divorced and found someone much better. She may still come after me and be a total difficult c***, but at least its not during the divorce. She doesnt have that ability to be difficult any longer. She can still make my life difficult bc we share kids together, but I took away one of her big sticks, which was through the courts.

Go NC, and if you are going through D right now, wrap that up as quickly as you can.

Phoenix1 posted 4/22/2021 22:01 PM

NC and gray rock are your friends. Use them.

Tigersrule77 posted 4/23/2021 08:10 AM

Why do you still communicate by text? Do you have kids together or something? You can block her and she can send rants by email. That would probably minimize things for you. Or block her there too and let her communicate by her attorney.

Don't subject yourself to any more abuse. You had it right, it's what she wanted. You've chosen to remove yourself from an abusive relationship. Why would you want to allow your ex to continue to abuse you? I don't say that in a mean way, just think about the situation. She is showing you that she doesn't have the maturity to be an adult and handle a breakup. So accept that. It will be best for your healing.

Anna123 posted 4/23/2021 08:41 AM

Probably worth setting up Our Family Wizard or one of the parenting apps. All communication is documented and it keeps ass-wipe type ex cheaters in-line. At that point you can block texts/calls and she can still communicate in an emergency or for logistics of the kids only.

barcher144 posted 4/23/2021 12:13 PM

Any of you that had a similar experience-how did you manage? Are there strategies? Do I just wait it out?

Yes, I had a "similar" experience.

How did I manage?

First, I stopped talking to her about anything personal. That lasted a couple of months.

Next, I stopped talking to her about anything that didn't involve parenting our kids. That lasted about 6 months.

Finally, I just stopped talking to her period, except through court-approved, co-parenting software. I literally do not speak to her for any reason at all, whatsoever.

Based on my little knowledge of psychology, the anger and the bitterness is often associated with a personality disorder (typically, narcissistic). Meaning, they cannot blame themselves for the ending of the marriage, so they blame YOU. How DARE you decide to leave the marriage? She's the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!

(note: in my case, my xWW conveniently forgets that she had the affair, she decided that she didn't want the marriage to end, and she filed for divorce -- they don't let facts get in the way of their beliefs!)

My xWW has gotten increasingly angry with me over time. This is not how normal people work... normal people get less angry with time.

The solution to all of your problems are to get a good lawyer, go grey rock on her, and just start putting your life together again and move on without her.

p.s. simultaneously, the advice that I am giving you is the meanest, nastiest, cruelest thing that you can do to a narcissist... you don't pay attention to them. She'll never forgive you for ignoring her, so be prepared for that.

p.p.s. Also be prepared for her to try to seduce you in the future. I didn't get that, but I've heard that it's really common.

Planetx posted 4/23/2021 19:25 PM

My ex and I have been living a part for over a year and a half and he has absolute seething hatred toward me. I agree with everyone saying NC if possible, gray rock if you have children together. Only discuss kids and don't ever engage with the rest. My ex has often called me mom-bot or HR mom, but it makes me so proud of myself I show no emotion!

I just put in to modify custody of our kids, and I am going to also ask we only speak through myfamilywizard, or something similar because he still tells me he hates me several times a week. I try not to dwell on it, but I often wonder why he can't move on and be happy with his new girlfriend.

Triples posted 4/26/2021 09:46 AM

Thanks everyone. Yes, we have kids (DD12 DS13)-I have instituted "grey rocking" and it seems to be making a difference. I have not looked into the co-parenting app., but will.

crazyblindsided posted 4/26/2021 11:49 AM

I practice modified contact because of kids but am mostly NC and yes my ex still lashes out at me for leaving the M.

DanielJK posted 4/26/2021 11:53 AM

what's the co-parenting app called?

ETA - sorry, see it says "Google it" (dummy) above

[This message edited by DanielJK at 11:54 AM, April 26th (Monday)]

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