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Pain demands to be felt. What are your go-to songs for acceptance, goodbye, whatever it may be?

This one is getting me today. Actually, the whole album is pretty brutal. Seems pretty on point for both WSs and BSs.

The Brilliant Dance by Dashboard Confessional

So this is odd,

The painful realization

That all has gone wrong

And nobody cares at all,

And nobody cares at all.

So you buried all your lover's clothes

And burned the letters lover wrote,

But it doesn't make it any better.

Does it make it any better?

And the plaster dented from your fist

In the hall where you had your first kiss

Reminds you that the memories will fade.

So this is strange,

Our sidestepping has come to be

A brilliant dance

Where nobody leads at all,

Where nobody leads at all.

And the picture frames are facing down

And the ringing from this empty sound

Is deafening and keeping you from sleep.

And breathing is a foreign task

And thinking's just too much to ask

And you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.

Well, this is incredible.

Starving, insatiable,

Yes, this is love for the first time.

And you'd like to think that you were invincible.

Yeah, well weren't we all once

Before we felt loss for the first time?

Well this is the last time.

But it’s ok to feel this. It’s ok to grieve.

[This message edited by Iamtrash at 12:10 PM, April 24th (Saturday)]

Oh, IAT, yeah. Music helps. Thank you for sharing. Here’s one that helped us when we were really going through the bottoms. This song helped me realize that I finally wanted help. I hope your songs are helping you, too.

Open the curtains

Singing birds tell me

"Tear the buildings down"

You felt blessed to receive their pleasant sound

Things that break

Make you cringe inside yourself

There's a child counting stars in their time-out of their day

In the corners of their frame they're encased

In the losing of a grain of themselves

Pushed against the ebb and flow

Wave good-bye and watch it go

So show me the honest proper way

To disarm predatory gaze

That's sucking dry and never satiated

You've been misused

Been rewired

You're short-circuiting now

Just remember when you'd call me to come

Take a deep breath and then jump

So fragile are bodies

So concave, work in self-destructive ways

You shot from the hip and missed

Detaching from all of this

In physical pictures you remain

Spiral 'round yourself in figure-eight

I recoil at every new beginning

I searched for a way out

Don't we all?

An existentialist recall:

Turn in all, all dichotomies and truths that I gave

I felt wrong in many ways

It didn't heal

It just got harder everyday to be still

To be passing through the throes

In a daze

Feeling heavy

Feeling cold in my skin

In my hand-me-downs

I'm wearing everything thin

And the pills that you gave didn't do anything

I just slept for years on end

Well so if I call

Should I beg?

'Cause I'm desperate here

A couple steps from the edge

I can't seem to burn bright enough

I'm cold and I'm left alone

We're all alone

Grab a hold

I know I said to not

What the fuck do I know?

I had a chance to construct something beautiful and I choked

I choked

I choked

I choked

Demi Lavato, at the 2020 Grammy's, singing "Anyone". That one rips my heart out.

I'm not allowed to post a link, so please just google it.

Daddydom, absolutely that song!

Listen to your “letting go” song on repeat, have a good cry, reminisce for a moment, then pull it together.

It’s the end of the chapter. Not the end of the book.

While not a huge fan, Avril Lavigne's "Slipped Away” gets me every time.

[This message edited by ff4152 at 6:19 AM, April 21st (Wednesday)]

I have to go old school on this one.

Simon and Garfunkel. I am a Rock.

A winter's day

In a deep and dark December

I am alone

Gazing from my window to the streets below

On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow

I am a rock

I am an island

I've built walls

A fortress deep and mighty

That none may penetrate

I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain

It's laughter and it's loving I disdain

I am a rock

I am an island

Don't talk of love

Well I've heard the word before

It's sleeping in my memory

I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died

If I never loved I never would have cried

I am a rock

I am an island

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me

I am shielded in my armor

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb

I touch no one and no one touches me

I am a rock

I am an island

And a rock feels no pain

And an island never cries

There are so many.....

Here is one of them

Paint it Black

By Rolling Stones

I see a red door

And I want it painted black

No colors anymore

I want them to turn black

I see the girls walk by

Dressed in their summer clothes

I have to turn my head

Until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars

And they're all painted black

With flowers and my love

Both never to come back

I've seen people turn their heads

And quickly look away

Like a newborn baby

It just happens everyday

I look inside myself

And see my heart is black

I see my red door

I must have it painted black

Maybe then, I'll fade away

And not have to face the facts

It's not easy facing up

When your whole world is black

No more will my green sea

Go turn a deeper blue

I could not foresee this thing

Happening to you

If I look hard enough

Into the setting sun

My love will laugh with me

Before the morning comes

I see a red door

And I want it painted black

No colors anymore

I want them to turn black

I see the girls walk by

Dressed in their summer clothes

I have to turn my head

Until my darkness goes

I wanna see it painted

Painted black

Black as night

Black as coal

I wanna see the sun

Blotted out from the sky

I wanna see it painted, painted, painted

Painted black, yeah

I want to fast forward this. Be a year out or more.

Um I love Dashboard! I still listen to that album all the time.

“And the grave that you refuse to leave

The refuge that you've built to flee,

The places that you've come to fear the most,

Is the place that you have come to fear the most.”

Those are some of my favorite lyrics of all time.

My song after d-day was Dead Flowers by Miranda Lambert

I feel like the flowers in this vase

He just brought 'em home one day, "Ain't they beautiful?" he said

They been here in the kitchen and the waters turnin' gray

They're sittin' in the vase but now they're dead, dead flowers

I feel like this long string of lights

They lit up our whole house on Christmas Day

But now it's January and the bulbs have all burned out

But still they hang like dead flowers

He ain't feelin' anythin'

My love, my hurt or the sting of this rain

I'm livin' in a hurricane

All he can say is, "Man ain't it such a nice day?"

Yeah, yeah

I feel like the tires on this car

You said they won't go far but we're still rollin'

I look in the rear view and I see dead flowers in the yard

And that string of lights and it ain't glowin'

Like dead flowers, like dead flowers

He ain't feelin' anythin'

My love, my hurt or the sting of this rain

I'm drivin' through a hurricane

All he can say is, "Man ain't it such a nice day?"

Hey, hey, I guess we'll just go to waste

Like dead flowers

Like dead flowers

Dead flowers

I want to fast forward this. Be a year out or more.

I felt like this too. But I will say for me now with the benefit of hindsight, I learned SO much about myself going through all of this. And even though I did not really like HOW I learned all that stuff, I am very glad to have done so. Just take it a day at a time IaT.

I keep hoping today will be the day the pain lets up. Still no end in sight. When do you start to find you new normal and accept it?

That whole album, I love it. But I don’t think it’s the best for my mood today. I might need to put in Disney’s greatest hits or something forcibly positive when I go out.

Have you heard Pinks new song with her daughter? My kids love it, and it’s my current “happy song.”

On the topic-

I felt A LOT of feels over the past year. And I have ALWAYS been a music lover/devourer.

But I had to address something very difficult as I spent time alone last year- a lot of it.

What I discovered when I really started to examine the whys and timing of when I would start to get weepy and throw on something emotionally wrenching- I was FORCING a reaction. That reaction was a response to the fear of quiet moments, a fear that I had stoked with intense emotions- Lust, despair, anger, rage, regret- my entire life.

I realized, as I stopped to really dissect why I did this, that I could stop surrendering to these emotions. I’ll repeat a piece of wisdom from Pema Chodron that has been key for me-

The value of mindfulness is that we can allow emotions to simply visit us... and then be on their way.

I didn’t really connect with my emotions until getting into 12 Steps and consistent meditation, but what I have since learned is that my emotions don’t HAVE to be overpowering. I have in fact learned that there is a lot to be discerned from the increased awareness of the everyday: By LOOKING LESS for tangible, heavy emotion, I have FOUND MORE of the nuances of my daily emotions, and I have more available space for joy and fulfillment.

I still love music and still have songs that really get me. But if/when I’m already feeling vulnerable/on edge, I will consciously avoid such songs.

I haven’t heard the song, UD.

Yeah. I made a decision to not keep Dash on. Only positive songs. The random snowstorm doesn’t help. My happy place is in my car, sun out, Windows down, music at max, and a pair of shades to hide behind. I can feel myself trying to be down. It’s not going to help me. I’m ready for summer. Being outside in the sunshine is helpful.

I also didn’t sleep well. That’s a precursor to depression and anxiety consuming me.

I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time.

Keep it up listening to those positive songs. Lack of sleep affects me in the worst ways too. I hope you’re able to get some much needed rest soon.

You will make it through this. This pain won’t last forever.

Even though pain doesn’t last forever, it’s hard to see that now. Especially this sort of pain. It has grown, evolved. I feel like I have regressed mentally and emotionally. I haven’t slept in days. I’m exhausted, sad, and ready to give up on everything. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of being told what my affair was and what it meant to me. I’m tired of living this nightmare. (Again, I accept this is my fault. No need for sympathy.) I’m tired of feeling stupid for cheating and stupid to think I could right this.

Probably also not a good one for me to listen to tonight, but it fits.

Say Something by A Great Big World

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

And anywhere, I would have followed you

Ooh, ooh say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something

[This message edited by Iamtrash at 12:11 PM, April 24th (Saturday)]

Bluegrass is life if you ask me. There's so much that's universal in it. For redemption though, you can't beat...Ricky Skaggs - Enjoy the Ride You can find it online pretty readily if you look. It's from Brand New Strings.

Another day, another chance

Another day, another chance

It might be too late for your marriage, IAT. But it's not too late for you and it's not too late for HM. You both have lots of years and lots of potential for happiness ahead.

For both of you. Let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be,