Just a quick post to say that after several exhausting weeks WGF and I have agreed to throw in the towel and I will be moving forward with S.
I won’t post all details just yet but essentially after almost one and a half years of me driving the R bus (call it a pick me dance if you must) I asked WGF to take her turn at the wheel and she wasn’t able to.
It seems that I wanted R more than she did or more accurately I was prepared for the hard work and consequences more than she was.
Trying under these conditions is physically and mentally exhausting (on both of us) and ultimately we could not agree on the end goal (reality vs denial) or steps to take us there
Whilst I called it quits and she reluctantly agreed that it’s for the best, I am in the unenviable situation of still being very much in love with my STBXWGF (had hoped i would never use that one) and I do believe vice versa so it’s going to be a difficult situation for me to navigate my way through.
However I am committed to this course of action as I have seen almost zero efforts to move out of a wayward mindset.
I gave her the guidebook 10 months ago and she has ignore or discounted every single piece of advice within it because “we are special” and “we are soul mates” and whilst I agree with both those sentiments there was nothing special about her PA and each and every thing she did to hide it from me and therefore we don’t get a pass.
I am not a quitter but I am smart enough to know when the odds are stacked against me and we have been locked into a zero sum game now for too long whereby we are only able to exchange our own pain for each others. We have taken almost no steps to offload any of that pain so that it’s unburdens the two of us.
Pre A I would have said like many do that I’m a dealbreaker guy, maybe that is what has happened. But since dday 1 I have been pro R and under the right circumstances I would still advocate for R if both parties are willing to do the work. Sadly that is not us
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all the posters who took time to help me on my journey, it has ended as some of you predicted but I am glad that I tried, proud of myself for how far I have come since the trauma of dday and the ensuing fog that followed.
WGF is not a bad person, she made some terrible choices and unfortunately has not matured to own those choices and accept the consequences.
We are as of my writing this still “best freinds” and we have not told anyone IRL as we decide when and how to tell our children and our families about the battle we have been fighting. I thought for a very long time we were fighting on the same side, but sadly it appears that is not the case.
I will come back I’m sure to ask for advice of telling children, separating finances, building myself up for the big wide world without my “wingwoman”
I have learned many things on this journey but still have so much to learn. I have done many things wrong but I have stuck to my principles and my code of conduct and I can hold my head up high.
I do not know what tomorrow will bring, their was a time when my future was so clear to me. That came crashing down in Dec 2019 and I have yet to decide what the alternate future will look like. I will start small, take some time for myself, plan some trips with friends, focus on the kids, and see where that takes me.
Heartbroken - 2D
[This message edited by TwoDozen at 9:14 AM, March 18th (Thursday)]