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Newest Member: mindracing

Just Found Out :
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Topic is Sleeping.
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 2:21 AM on Saturday, March 13th, 2021

Eventually those feeling will fade. Just hang in there.

You do not really love him — you love the guy you HOPED he would become. You have said that yourself at times.

Glad to see you are getting g some support from a professional. I think you will benefit. And I hope it’s a good fit for you. If not, find someone else.

I was lucky that I had someone who was perfect for me. If I went to my H’s counselor I would have shot him. He was into the love language crap and all that stuff.

My guy challenged me when necessary, told me if he thought I was wrong or could have managed a situation better. Best of all he gave it to me straight. Just what I needed.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 4:24 AM, March 13th (Saturday)]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12527   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8641545
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Booyah ( member #60124) posted at 2:26 AM on Saturday, March 13th, 2021

^^^^^^^^THIS

Hang in there Fanny. One day at a time.

posts: 1254   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2017
id 8641548
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Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 4:12 AM on Saturday, March 13th, 2021

Fanny, !stWife is right on. Hang in there. The fact that your are so mad is so great. I know that sounds strange but it's not. It's progress. It says you stopped accepting the bullshit.

Know that I'm praying for you about whatever it is that you are facing next week. I've been harsh in past posts because I was you and you and it really resonated with me. If I could help save someone from my own stupidity I surely will do it every time. You are doing great! I know it's hard because you still have this chemistry connection. But it's a bad one. And you are starting to see it every day.

posts: 1639   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 8641563
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 FannyandCat (original poster member #74653) posted at 7:14 PM on Monday, March 15th, 2021

Meeting moved to Wednesday. If I can survive it I'll know I'll be ok. I'm THAT nervous.

Trying to sell the damn Jeep...posted it on Friday and lots of looks/questions but no offers yet. I'm calling it the "ex purge".

I feel like I just removed a malignant tumor...the extraction is done I just need to heal. The more I think about it the more I realize other than being attracted to him we were completely incompatible.

Found out over the weekend he's already back on Tinder...looking for his next victim I guess. I hope I never have to see him or talk to him ever again. He is truly one of the worst decisions I've ever made. But time heals all wounds and eventually I'll be back in the saddle again...life is too short to stay put.

posts: 165   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2020
id 8641986
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 7:31 PM on Monday, March 15th, 2021

Stop keeping tabs on him... no contact also means no lurking on his social media, his online activities, etc. He's not your boyfriend; whether or not he's on Tinder not your business and no longer your concern.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 1:56 PM, March 15th (Monday)]

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 866   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8641990
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 FannyandCat (original poster member #74653) posted at 12:40 PM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

The meeting is today at 1:30 - please send your prayers...I'm going to need them in a BIG way.

With every day that passes I'm coming to the realization that it was almost as if I was the puppet and he was the puppeteer. He was on a personal mission to treat me as badly as possible just to see if I would take it - and I did.

Sold the jeep - last vestige of the relationship. Yeah there are remnants of him all over the house but getting rid of the golf cart and jeep were paramount to my healing. I don't have my first IC appointment until the 29th but I'm looking forward to it - she's going to get a flood of shit - hope she's prepared.

posts: 165   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2020
id 8642456
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 1:20 PM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Fanny – I’m rooting for you!

I think you are doing a good job. It’s tough but you are moving in the right direction.

When you talk about what you paid, what he owes you and what you have gotten rid off…

Friend – you have gotten rid of a financial DRAIN!

Appreciate that. Chances are that in a few weeks you will see your have more cash in-hand. Don’t go overboard but treat yourself (and maybe a friend that has stood by you in this s@it) to a spa-day or a nice meal.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10940   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8642461
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 3:19 PM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Your strength is showing with the rapid string of changes to scrub your life clean of this relationship. Be sure to do some serious self care soon. The appt. with the therapist can’t come too soon.

Best luck for the meeting.

posts: 1080   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8642483
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 3:40 PM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Sending tons of mojo for your meeting today!

((((Fanny)))))

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8877   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8642489
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Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 3:42 PM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

I've had you in my prayers for the last few days. I hope all goes well today. And great job on the pest removal.

posts: 1639   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 8642490
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Booyah ( member #60124) posted at 3:49 PM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Prayer sent Fanny!

posts: 1254   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2017
id 8642492
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 5:29 PM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Sending you strength and prayers for your big meeting today. Hope it all goes well.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12527   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8642534
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 2:04 AM on Thursday, March 18th, 2021

Hoping you are out enjoying your day! We are here for you if needed. 🍀

[This message edited by The1stWife at 12:03 AM, March 18th (Thursday)]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12527   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8642703
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 FannyandCat (original poster member #74653) posted at 3:27 PM on Thursday, March 18th, 2021

I was told the meeting went well...now I wait...

I sort of want to sell my house and move out of the immediate area. I live 2 miles away from him and there are other houses in the metro area that would keep me in the same town but a good 20 miles away from him. In fact, a house in my old neighborhood just went on the market today. I live in a beautiful neighborhood in the most expensive area of town but now the whole area is tainted because there's such a high chance I'll run into him. If I move to a different part of town that will pretty much eliminate that altogether. I'm not lying...I've seen him around town no less than three times since we've broken up. We literally live right down the road from each other. My house would fetch a princely sum too...but the real estate market is so white hot right now I'd have to pounce on something within nanoseconds of it going on the market. It's that crazy right now - houses only stay on the market for a day or less!

Part of me doesn't want to move because I truly love my house but it's a really big house for one person a dog and a cat. My friends were actually questioning the purchase two years ago because they didn't think I needed this much space. It's a four bedroom house - one of the bedrooms is empty and I have two guest rooms...then my room. And I refuse to get a roommate - it's just not my cup of tea. And the house in the old neighborhood is about 1000 square feet smaller than my house - a bit more manageable. Just thinking out loud...

In the meantime I see the IC in 11 days...all I want is someone to talk to that can help me wrap my head around why I can be so successful professionally but an abject failure romantically.

posts: 165   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2020
id 8642817
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 8:43 PM on Thursday, March 18th, 2021

Glad to hear the meeting went well. Good for you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12527   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8642950
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 10:30 PM on Thursday, March 18th, 2021

Fanny - glad your meeting went well.

About moving? It may just the fresh start you need. But it also isn't the answer to all that is wrong in life. So I would urge you to consider that long and hard before you stick a for sale sign in your yard.

Again looking for happiness somewhere other than from within. It won't be lasting.

Consider waiting a few months, doing some IC and investing some time and money into your mental health and well being and see what your thoughts are then.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19526   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8642994
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Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 1:59 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Fanny, I'm so glad your meeting went well. And now you wait.

I, like Tushnurse think you need to do a bit more of that. Sometimes I wonder if you ever stand still. You have had more financial transactions in the last 9 months than most people have in years. I think you should do nothing for at least 6 months. At least don't do anything until you start therapy.

You can't run from everything that is uncomfortable. It doesn't work. You need to get comfortable with yourself and if someone else doesn't like it, let them move. You need to strive to have the confidence in your personal life that you do in your professional life.

But keep is posted. We are here for you when you feel tempted, although it does seem something clicked and your rose colored glasses about him fell off.

posts: 1639   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 8643071
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 2:00 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

I suggest you wait and not just sell to avoid him, he's certainly not moving away because of you, don't give him that power, part of a successful recovery is reaching a state of indifference, being able to see him from time to time and simply ignore him, I know it's hard now but you may get there in the not too distant future.

posts: 2640   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8643072
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 FannyandCat (original poster member #74653) posted at 2:55 PM on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021

I guess this is why it's called a roller coaster - I'm all over the place.

One minute I'm looking at houses and the next minute I'm telling myself I'm living here forever. If anyone is going to move it's him because there's a chance he might be going away for awhile...lose his job, which will cause him to lose his lease.

I could go "black widow" on him and get his lease terminated with one phone call. I could also call his ex-wife and give her an earful. But I'll only do either if pushed into a corner so to speak. And as much as I would love to tell him that I have way more ammo on him than he realizes and could fuck up his life ten ways to Sunday I don't want to reveal my hand to him in any way so I'm keeping quiet/no contact.

I sorta met someone...and when I mean sorta I really mean it. It was the guy that bought the jeep. He showed up and we ended up hanging out for like 3 hours. And when he was leaving he kissed me - totally out of the blue and unexpected. And it was a GREAT kiss...this guy knew what he was doing. So we exchanged numbers and we've been sporadically texting ever since. I'm taking this REALLY slow and being very cautious about the whole thing. One thing I've learned from the dumpster fire of my last relationship is I cannot predict or do anything that will affect the outcome. I am NOT going to chase him...I'm SO done with being the chaser!

He's like the complete opposite of the ex - smart, educated, successful, owns his own house, has his own business and has his shit together. He's been single for about two years. And while I've only been single for about a month I have to admit this was a breath of fresh air. We already said we'd like to see each other again but I'm going to leave it up to him to make that happen. He lives about 3 hours away from me so it's not like we can meet up at a local restaurant or anything. Again, being VERY cool about the whole thing and just letting it happen organically.

That kiss was something that made me feel good...and if for no other reason than to make me realize that there are other men out there that find me attractive. Only time will tell what happens but we text 1-2 times a day and I'm good with that.

posts: 165   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2020
id 8644322
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:02 PM on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021

I'm taking this REALLY slow and being very cautious about the whole thing.

Ummmm. A kiss before the first date is kind of the opposite of taking it slow. IMO you would be better off being single for at least six months. Especially before jumping in to what amounts to being a LDR. There's nothing wrong with asking him for a rain check.

posts: 1311   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8644325
Topic is Sleeping.
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