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The1stWife posted 3/12/2021 20:21 PM

Eventually those feeling will fade. Just hang in there.

You do not really love him you love the guy you HOPED he would become. You have said that yourself at times.

Glad to see you are getting g some support from a professional. I think you will benefit. And I hope its a good fit for you. If not, find someone else.

I was lucky that I had someone who was perfect for me. If I went to my Hs counselor I would have shot him. He was into the love language crap and all that stuff.

My guy challenged me when necessary, told me if he thought I was wrong or could have managed a situation better. Best of all he gave it to me straight. Just what I needed.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 4:24 AM, March 13th (Saturday)]

Booyah posted 3/12/2021 20:26 PM


Hang in there Fanny. One day at a time.

Charity411 posted 3/12/2021 22:12 PM

Fanny, !stWife is right on. Hang in there. The fact that your are so mad is so great. I know that sounds strange but it's not. It's progress. It says you stopped accepting the bullshit.

Know that I'm praying for you about whatever it is that you are facing next week. I've been harsh in past posts because I was you and you and it really resonated with me. If I could help save someone from my own stupidity I surely will do it every time. You are doing great! I know it's hard because you still have this chemistry connection. But it's a bad one. And you are starting to see it every day.

FannyandCat posted 3/15/2021 13:14 PM

Meeting moved to Wednesday. If I can survive it I'll know I'll be ok. I'm THAT nervous.

Trying to sell the damn Jeep...posted it on Friday and lots of looks/questions but no offers yet. I'm calling it the "ex purge".

I feel like I just removed a malignant tumor...the extraction is done I just need to heal. The more I think about it the more I realize other than being attracted to him we were completely incompatible.

Found out over the weekend he's already back on Tinder...looking for his next victim I guess. I hope I never have to see him or talk to him ever again. He is truly one of the worst decisions I've ever made. But time heals all wounds and eventually I'll be back in the saddle again...life is too short to stay put.

BluerThanBlue posted 3/15/2021 13:31 PM

Stop keeping tabs on him... no contact also means no lurking on his social media, his online activities, etc. He's not your boyfriend; whether or not he's on Tinder not your business and no longer your concern.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 1:56 PM, March 15th (Monday)]

FannyandCat posted 3/17/2021 06:40 AM

The meeting is today at 1:30 - please send your prayers...I'm going to need them in a BIG way.

With every day that passes I'm coming to the realization that it was almost as if I was the puppet and he was the puppeteer. He was on a personal mission to treat me as badly as possible just to see if I would take it - and I did.

Sold the jeep - last vestige of the relationship. Yeah there are remnants of him all over the house but getting rid of the golf cart and jeep were paramount to my healing. I don't have my first IC appointment until the 29th but I'm looking forward to it - she's going to get a flood of shit - hope she's prepared.

Bigger posted 3/17/2021 07:20 AM

Fanny Im rooting for you!
I think you are doing a good job. Its tough but you are moving in the right direction.
When you talk about what you paid, what he owes you and what you have gotten rid off
Friend you have gotten rid of a financial DRAIN!
Appreciate that. Chances are that in a few weeks you will see your have more cash in-hand. Dont go overboard but treat yourself (and maybe a friend that has stood by you in this s@it) to a spa-day or a nice meal.

Shockedmom posted 3/17/2021 09:19 AM

Your strength is showing with the rapid string of changes to scrub your life clean of this relationship. Be sure to do some serious self care soon. The appt. with the therapist cant come too soon.

Best luck for the meeting.

Lalagirl posted 3/17/2021 09:40 AM

Sending tons of mojo for your meeting today!


Charity411 posted 3/17/2021 09:42 AM

I've had you in my prayers for the last few days. I hope all goes well today. And great job on the pest removal.

Booyah posted 3/17/2021 09:49 AM

Prayer sent Fanny!

The1stWife posted 3/17/2021 11:29 AM

Sending you strength and prayers for your big meeting today. Hope it all goes well.

The1stWife posted 3/17/2021 20:04 PM

Hoping you are out enjoying your day! We are here for you if needed. 🍀

[This message edited by The1stWife at 12:03 AM, March 18th (Thursday)]

FannyandCat posted 3/18/2021 09:27 AM

I was told the meeting went well...now I wait...

I sort of want to sell my house and move out of the immediate area. I live 2 miles away from him and there are other houses in the metro area that would keep me in the same town but a good 20 miles away from him. In fact, a house in my old neighborhood just went on the market today. I live in a beautiful neighborhood in the most expensive area of town but now the whole area is tainted because there's such a high chance I'll run into him. If I move to a different part of town that will pretty much eliminate that altogether. I'm not lying...I've seen him around town no less than three times since we've broken up. We literally live right down the road from each other. My house would fetch a princely sum too...but the real estate market is so white hot right now I'd have to pounce on something within nanoseconds of it going on the market. It's that crazy right now - houses only stay on the market for a day or less!

Part of me doesn't want to move because I truly love my house but it's a really big house for one person a dog and a cat. My friends were actually questioning the purchase two years ago because they didn't think I needed this much space. It's a four bedroom house - one of the bedrooms is empty and I have two guest rooms...then my room. And I refuse to get a roommate - it's just not my cup of tea. And the house in the old neighborhood is about 1000 square feet smaller than my house - a bit more manageable. Just thinking out loud...

In the meantime I see the IC in 11 days...all I want is someone to talk to that can help me wrap my head around why I can be so successful professionally but an abject failure romantically.

The1stWife posted 3/18/2021 14:43 PM

Glad to hear the meeting went well. Good for you.

tushnurse posted 3/18/2021 16:30 PM

Fanny - glad your meeting went well.

About moving? It may just the fresh start you need. But it also isn't the answer to all that is wrong in life. So I would urge you to consider that long and hard before you stick a for sale sign in your yard.
Again looking for happiness somewhere other than from within. It won't be lasting.

Consider waiting a few months, doing some IC and investing some time and money into your mental health and well being and see what your thoughts are then.

Charity411 posted 3/18/2021 19:59 PM

Fanny, I'm so glad your meeting went well. And now you wait.

I, like Tushnurse think you need to do a bit more of that. Sometimes I wonder if you ever stand still. You have had more financial transactions in the last 9 months than most people have in years. I think you should do nothing for at least 6 months. At least don't do anything until you start therapy.

You can't run from everything that is uncomfortable. It doesn't work. You need to get comfortable with yourself and if someone else doesn't like it, let them move. You need to strive to have the confidence in your personal life that you do in your professional life.

But keep is posted. We are here for you when you feel tempted, although it does seem something clicked and your rose colored glasses about him fell off.

Buster123 posted 3/18/2021 20:00 PM

I suggest you wait and not just sell to avoid him, he's certainly not moving away because of you, don't give him that power, part of a successful recovery is reaching a state of indifference, being able to see him from time to time and simply ignore him, I know it's hard now but you may get there in the not too distant future.

FannyandCat posted 3/23/2021 08:55 AM

I guess this is why it's called a roller coaster - I'm all over the place.

One minute I'm looking at houses and the next minute I'm telling myself I'm living here forever. If anyone is going to move it's him because there's a chance he might be going away for awhile...lose his job, which will cause him to lose his lease.

I could go "black widow" on him and get his lease terminated with one phone call. I could also call his ex-wife and give her an earful. But I'll only do either if pushed into a corner so to speak. And as much as I would love to tell him that I have way more ammo on him than he realizes and could fuck up his life ten ways to Sunday I don't want to reveal my hand to him in any way so I'm keeping quiet/no contact.

I sorta met someone...and when I mean sorta I really mean it. It was the guy that bought the jeep. He showed up and we ended up hanging out for like 3 hours. And when he was leaving he kissed me - totally out of the blue and unexpected. And it was a GREAT kiss...this guy knew what he was doing. So we exchanged numbers and we've been sporadically texting ever since. I'm taking this REALLY slow and being very cautious about the whole thing. One thing I've learned from the dumpster fire of my last relationship is I cannot predict or do anything that will affect the outcome. I am NOT going to chase him...I'm SO done with being the chaser!

He's like the complete opposite of the ex - smart, educated, successful, owns his own house, has his own business and has his shit together. He's been single for about two years. And while I've only been single for about a month I have to admit this was a breath of fresh air. We already said we'd like to see each other again but I'm going to leave it up to him to make that happen. He lives about 3 hours away from me so it's not like we can meet up at a local restaurant or anything. Again, being VERY cool about the whole thing and just letting it happen organically.

That kiss was something that made me feel good...and if for no other reason than to make me realize that there are other men out there that find me attractive. Only time will tell what happens but we text 1-2 times a day and I'm good with that.

grubs posted 3/23/2021 09:02 AM

I'm taking this REALLY slow and being very cautious about the whole thing.

Ummmm. A kiss before the first date is kind of the opposite of taking it slow. IMO you would be better off being single for at least six months. Especially before jumping in to what amounts to being a LDR. There's nothing wrong with asking him for a rain check.

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