Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Wife of 20 yrs caught cheating

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paboy ( Member #59482) posted at 1:57 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2021

CM70, how are you? Are the divorce plans still full steam ahead?

posts: 586   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2017   ·   location: australia
id 8670363
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 CM70 (original poster Member #76077) posted at 2:52 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

Yes full steam ahead, it has been a little give and take but so far she is staying away from my 401K. We have agreed on custody rights (50/50), House 50/50, checking/savings 50/50 and will not touch my farmland or rental income. I did throw her a bone & gave her one of my IRA's didn't want to but it was tactical to keep her away from my 401K.

The majority of my worth is in my 401K & Farmland so if I can save those two (2) things I will be golden. We are still living together but that will change next week. We are going to tell the kids on Friday which will be by far one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. We will then split time 50/50 living in the house. I will spend my time at a friends house in my week off and she will stay at her Dad's house in her week off. This is to get the kids used to the new normal (sadly) and so we can get away from each other. If she doesn't try to pull some crap this should not be to bloody. I am not going to hold my breath though as she has shown me that I cannot trust anything coming out of her mouth.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8670888
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BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 4:16 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

CM70,

Good luck on the settlement agreement and your discussion with the kids. As it begins to dawn on your wife that she will no longer have a blank check for her expenses, she may make a run at your 401k and Farmland. Best to keep the peace and get this sewn up as quickly as possible.

Is you wife staying at her real Father or her FIL's (Dad's) house? In January, you wrote

...her Dad ends the conversation with her sorry ass is not moving in with us I guarantee you that.

Based on that statement, I would imagine she'll be staying with her real Father...

posts: 218   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8670919
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Robert22205https ( Member #65547) posted at 4:36 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

I'm sorry this happened to you but I'm glad you exiting infidelity and her abuse.

posts: 2409   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8670922
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 CM70 (original poster Member #76077) posted at 6:58 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

BlueRas, yes correct she is staying at her biological Dad's house. He just found out a week ago and he is not happy either but he is supporting his daughter.

She is not welcome at my Mother-in-Law/Step Dad's house at all right now. They are still very pissed at her. Robert yes I am sorry as well at this point just trying to protect my kids and limit the damage to my $$$.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8670955
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 8:31 PM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

She is not welcome at my Mother-in-Law/Step Dad's house at all right now. They are still very pissed at her. Robert yes I am sorry as well at this point just trying to protect my kids and limit the damage to my $$$.

She must be feeling the heat now. She's got limited movement and even her family doesn't want anything to do with her.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8670979
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paboy ( Member #59482) posted at 2:04 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

I imagine that she will come to her senses soon enough, but then...

You are playing the best with what ever cards that have been dealt you. Your future is again in your hands.

Make the best effort in all things moving forward. Still look to leave an positive imprint wherever you move.

You've got this.

posts: 586   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2017   ·   location: australia
id 8671045
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Buffer ( Member #71664) posted at 8:02 PM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

Please tell the chi the truth age appropriate of course. But the truth.

One day at a time.

Buffer

posts: 1191   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2019   ·   location: Australia
id 8671250
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BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 8:46 PM on Monday, July 5th, 2021

CM70,

How did your talk with the kids go this last Friday? Have you and your STBXW started alternating living at your main house?

Hope all is well with you and your family.

posts: 218   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8672567
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 CM70 (original poster Member #76077) posted at 9:44 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

BlueRas, we will start splitting time a week from today. The kids took it way better than I thought but they had intuition something was "off" between us. The STBXW is doing damage control on her end with the kids and her friend groups. Just like everyone has said before me, she is trying to re-write the marriage history to make herself look better. I will tell my truth & whomever stays on my side great.

I am now thinking I may stay in our house as I have such a low interest rate and the market is just crazy now. She is looking for a rental, hopefully she moves out August 1st. Not that it matters but I believe she is still sneaking around with the AP. I don't even care on that end anymore, as I plan on starting to date again soon but just taking that slow. Divorce terms are pretty much set just sitting on the sixty day waiting period before we can submit & make the D official.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8672894
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 9:56 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

she is still sneaking around with the AP.

Glad you got out of this trouble. They're each other's problem from now on.

You can tell the kids the AP's name if you haven't already. Thus, he cannot be introduced as a guy who started dating their mother.

posts: 477   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8672899
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BlueRaspberry ( Member #76065) posted at 9:57 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

CM70,

It was predictable that your wife would try to re-write the marriage history. Make sure your kids understand (in an age appropriate manner) that your wife broke her marriage vows and that led to the divorce. Don't need to get into all the details.

I sure hope you can keep your house. Earlier, you spoke about all the upgrades you had made that you wouldn't get to enjoy if you had to sell. Even better, your kids would get more stability by enjoying their original home at least 50% of the time.

If your wife is hanging out with the AP, she's really headed for a fall. What a silly woman...

posts: 218   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2020
id 8672901
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 CM70 (original poster Member #76077) posted at 10:05 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

BlueRas, she has followed the cheaters creed to a tee so far. I have read many of the stories on here and she followed all the same steps others had said she would.

She is headed for a giant crash and I am glad I will be not there to see it. She is off my credit card (thank god), off my banking accounts, cell phone, car insurance and hopefully sooner than later the mortgage to the house. She does not have any clue of how to balance a budget, or anything about taxes, insurance & investments. She is going to be broke financially & mentally.

Yes I think I can make the house work, I just don't want to uproot the kids and it will be something stable in their life.

[This message edited by CM70 at 4:05 PM, July 6th (Tuesday)]

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8672904
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ramius ( Member #44750) posted at 10:08 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

Just like everyone has said before me, she is trying to re-write the marriage history to make herself look better.

Sad, but common.

Taking responsibility and accepting consequences…… That is kryptonite to most cheaters.

But soon, her character defects and broken moral compass will be somebody else’s problem.

How many scars have you rationalized because you loved the person who was holding the knife?

Their actions reveal their intentions. Their words conceal them.

posts: 1604   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014
id 8672905
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 11:42 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

So happy for you, your life is going to improve while your STBXW's will come crashing down. She did it to herself. She'll soon realize that she missed up on something big by doing this to you and your family.

All the best!

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8672924
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 CM70 (original poster Member #76077) posted at 9:01 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

Hi Everyone, been awhile so I thought I would put out an update. We have been alternating days for a couple weeks now which is working OK but it sucks living out of a suitcase on my days away. Paperwork is in just waiting on the 60 day cooling off period right now. I did pretty well in the settlement, saved my farmland & all my 401K. I am very surprised I actually kept her completely away from the 401K but she was scared I would have drug it out which I would have because she doesn't have the financial means to withstand a long fight. I also believe she is still living in Fantasy Land and wanted to get on with the AP & start fresh.

I am keeping the house and the kids were ecstatic about that. I lucked into one of my Sister's Friend's selling all their furniture in their high end home. So I will re-furnish my main floor (wife is taking all that) with higher quality used furniture then I already had. The STBXW signed a contract yesterday on a rental home and won't be out until September 6th but at least I have a date.

I did go on one date it was fine but my head/heart is not quite ready yet. I have been getting offers from the friends that know what's going on to set me up with widowers, sisters, friends you name it. I am down 25 lbs and now I am working with a personal trainer to get to another level. Things are good sleeping well and looking forward to this all being over so I can start fresh.

[This message edited by CM70 at 3:09 PM, July 20th (Tuesday)]

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8677079
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 9:07 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

Thanks for the update!
It seems everything's going fine on your end.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8677080
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 9:10 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

You’d be wise not to get involved with a rebound right now. You have enough on your plate.

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8677081
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 9:10 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

Duplicate

[This message edited by Marz at 3:11 PM, July 20th (Tuesday)]

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8677082
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 CM70 (original poster Member #76077) posted at 9:17 PM on Tuesday, July 20th, 2021

Yeah, Marz you are probably right about that. I am taking things very slow, as I am very gun shy of any type of relationship right now.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Dec. 31st, 2020
id 8677085
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