She turned 45 (mid life crisis anyone?) on Tuesday, and was getting Bday wishes from friends & family. The AP, liked some of the photos & said Happy Birthday (through some of their mutual friends, WW is not FB friends with him) My Father-in-Law saw this and instant messaged him via FB and told him to stay the F away or their would be consequences (basically a threat).
I was told the AP pulled down his post immediately. The wife & I did not even know this happened until a day or so later. Of course it was on the best friends post so the AP reached out to her telling her what went down with my Father in law, which got back to my wife.
The WW & I sat down with her Mom & Stepdad and sorted this out that she wanted them to not escalate things like this. The Step-dad said well I am not really sorry I am protecting my family but said he would not do it again.
So my WW tried to pull this is why you shouldn't have told them what was going on. I said this is why you don't bring a third person into a marriage. Her, crickets...
So, your wife cheats for six months, and her low-life best friend enables and encourages it. The affair partner thinks it is fine for him to pass messages to your wife via the low-life affair-enabling best friend. And the one person who is taken to task and told to back off is your father-in-law???
I have three things to say: (1) W (2) T (3) F?
Seriously, the one person in this debacle who actually did something right - your father-in-law - is the one person who you sat down with as if he was the bad guy and told to behave himself???
How upside down and back to front is that?
I know you are having a tough time, but both you and your wife owe your father-in-law a huge apology. And you need to absorb the hard truth that your father-in-law is one of your allies in this whole mess that your wife, her toxic best friend - why is she still in touch with that vile woman? - and the POS affair partner (plus your wife's workmates) cooked up between them.
Do not attack your allies. The man entered the fray on your side, and you sat down with your cheating wife and told him to stop making waves???? Why would you do that?
Who told the toxic friend to butt out? Nobody.
Who told the AP to butt out? Your father-in-law. Not you, not your WW.
And who got told he was the bad guy? Your father-in-law.
What's wrong with this picture?
Think about it. You sitting beside your wife and telling your father-in-law to back off is like landing an artillery barrage on your own side. Stop doing that.
Your wife has a whole toxic crew around her that enabled her affair (her workmates and the toxic best friend that she is still talking to - why???? - but who have you got?
Only one person was held accountable in this latest incident, and it was the one person who is on your side and who is prepared to fight back against the forces who are actively engaged in destroying your marriage.
Why would you not only allow that to happen, but assist it happening? What benefit do you get from telling the one person with enough backbone to tell the AP to get lost that he needs to sit down, shut up, and not interfere? Have you told your wife's toxic best friend to back off and shut up?
Do not fight your allies. They are looking out for you and your kids. Which is more than your wife, her toxic best friend, and her affair partner are doing. And yet no-one is telling them to behave.
If your wife's AP had not piped up, your father-in-law would not have done anything. Who has held the AP accountable for his actions? Did you and your WW sit down with him and tell him to behave himself? Of course not. Did you and your WW sit down with the toxic friend and tell her to behave herself? Of course not.
The only person who got grilled was someone who is on your side. You are bombing your own troops, and that is not going to help you win the war, if it can be won.
Please apologize to your father-in-law for the criticism he was subjected to for proactively engaging with your wife's AP to try and protect you, your children, and your marriage. He supported you; you should support him.
[This message edited by M1965 at 6:17 PM, February 15th (Monday)]