Tigersrule77
I had the same experience. It was amazing to me. I think it was all of the stress because you are fighting to save something (that couldn't be saved) but once you accept that, you can let go of the struggle.
I'm glad you found that space and that peace. Glad to hear you are almost through and in a good place.
Thank you and yeah, it's like when you admit it to yourself and you step back and survey all the damage you realize 'there's no fucking way to fix this, I'd be a fool for trying and I sure as shit will never believe that she's trying'. Then it all becomes easier.
Katz13
I'm happy that you can view her in such a non emotional way. I so envy that. Any tips on how to get there? I definitely don't think of wanting him back. It's more of constant thinking about all the ways he treated me badly and most of all having my son to go spend time with someone who didn't give two shits about destroying his family. Add to that it maybe a while till the divorce goes through and he doesn't pay the right amount of child support. Try as I might, I can't stop the angry thoughts.
I mean, things will pop up and bug you for a while. That said, I think just absorbing the massive amount of fucked up shit she did and was willing to do to me pretty much made me think of her as an alien. This wasn't the woman I married (or, perhaps, the woman I thought I married). I literally did not know who this person was.
I feel lucky that I got two great kids out of this and that I'm able to walk away from that nightmare. I can't imagine struggling to try to make it work with her. That would be Hell.
The angry thoughts will come. Try to focus them into something positive. I went to the gym a lot, dropped 100 pounds, and focused on the shit I needed to. Every step I took to free myself - no matter how small - felt fucking good.
Butforthegrace
"We were one list away from fixing this."
You should give her the divorce terms in the form of a list. "Honey, here is the last list you'll ever get from me."
Lol, what a self-absorbed asshole she was for that. I remember being gobsmacked by that. Utterly stunned. So much she did early on was just stunning.
Another favorite was two days (I think, memory is fuzzy) after marriage counseling, when she promised to give the marriage a 6 month shot at working, she was on the phone with her AP telling him that she just had to ride out the marriage counseling for a few months so she could get out of debt OR her other option would be to fake recovery and string me along in a sexless marriage while she went on vacations and shit with him.
But 'I misheard her' or 'misunderstood'. Yeah...Okay. Well, unlike her I am very clear and we will be divorced soon enough.
I'm legit surprised that I'm still capable of wanting a relationship with women.
I actually brought the whole list thing up to someone I've been talking to. She wanted to know some of the details - she was speechless. She said that my ex should have been focusing on doing everything possible to repair things, instead she had the audacity to say I had to complete items on a list before she'd stop cheating?
I'll be honest, I have given serious thought to sending her AP flowers with a big card saying 'thank you'.
But I'm not really into drama and, well, I just don't care. The reality is that what my STBXW did to me (and planned on doing) actually helped me detach from her and helped me come to terms with the fact that some people are just rotten.