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Newest Member: ellmoe

I Can Relate :
Former Waywards not in Reconciliation

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Neanderthal ( member #71141) posted at 1:35 PM on Monday, April 26th, 2021

JBWD, i'm a little late to respond. That encounter with your STBXW sounds like something good. Definitely better than a knock down drag out divorce. Be careful of hope though. As you know, continuing to let go of the outcome is best for both of you. No reason not to enjoy the good moments though.

ff452, i'm really sorry for your loss. I agree...FUCK CANCER! Can you think of a fun story you'd like to share about your sister? When my mom passed away, thinking about loving or funny memories helped me with the grief.

Me: WS/BS
XW: Lifedestroyer (LD)

posts: 433   ·   registered: Jul. 30th, 2019   ·   location: OK
id 8654025
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foreverlabeled ( member #52070) posted at 11:18 PM on Wednesday, June 23rd, 2021

How is everyone doing?

Its summer and all sunshine here. We've had temps hanging out at in a beautiful mid 70s, humidity low. Yesterday evening I was hanging out in the backyard and it felt like fall. No real complaints here. Life has been kind to me lately.

Well...I did break my leg end of May, surgery early June. So dealing with that. In a hard cast with three weeks to go! I'm ready to walk again and be self sufficient. It can't come soon enough. I'm over it.

I've been staying with my boyfriend as he insisted, to better care for me. There's been some talk about making it permanent. We will see, he is absolutely perfect for me. But, I've thoroughly enjoyed my independence and I'm not sure I want to give up what I've made for myself just yet. It has been highly rewarding and fulfilling.

I know it's tough when you wanted R and it didn't work out for whatever reason. But, life goes on and there is happiness again. You might have to work for it, but its worth it.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2016   ·   location: southeast
id 8669236
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 SI Staff (original poster moderator #10) posted at 4:27 PM on Monday, September 27th, 2021

*Bump requested by JBWD*

posts: 10006   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 8690438
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JBWD ( member #70276) posted at 5:35 PM on Monday, September 27th, 2021

Wanted to see how everyone here is doing. How has this "more normal" year treated everyone?

D final next week, and I am doing very well, most notably have been spending time with a wonderful woman. Kids are enjoying time with her as well, as well as STBXW’s new beau.

Continuing with Step work, moving somewhat slowly but surely.

There’s a lot of days I remember doing terrible things, but grateful for the friends here and happy to allow myself joy and fulfillment as well.

Excited for what semblance of fall we get here in SoCal(!)

Me: WH (Multiple OEA/PA, culminating in 4 month EA/PA. D-Day 20 Oct 2018 41 y/o)Married 14 years Her: BS 37 y/o at D-Day13 y/o son, 10 y/o daughter6 months HB, broken NC, TT Divorced

posts: 910   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2019   ·   location: SoCal
id 8690450
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foreverlabeled ( member #52070) posted at 1:51 PM on Wednesday, October 6th, 2021

Hi JBWD!

I'm glad to hear of your healing progress. I know you were having a rough go with the end of your M. I think a lot of us do. Grief is a season we go through, its healthy and needed. I know I needed a proper grieving period and I took full advantage of it to heal.

Being well on the other side of things it seems so far away now. I from time to time still mourn the end of my M, I hate the way it ended the hurtful things we did to each other and the closure I never received. Just to note I don't need closure it just prolonged the process. I know I said it here at least once a day, this shit is hard.

But, then it's not, and you live your life. A small reminder here and there, a stinging pinch if you dwell too long. We are essentially left with no choice but to move on. I used to feel extreme guilt for moving on, but it felt much like living in the land of the dead. I needed to come back for my own sanity. I'm glad I did.

I absolutely love fall, there is something about the energy in the air that only autumn seems to provide. My favorite fall quote is "Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall" I feel that.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2016   ·   location: southeast
id 8691805
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JBWD ( member #70276) posted at 8:52 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

Your timing was perfect with this message- It perfectly captures the mood as I got the email yesterday telling me that as of today I am officially divorced.

To know that

1) I am working through my own shit. It’s my own and not having it in the first place would be preferred, but not an option. Can’t be proud but can be grateful that I have a way past it now.

2) I did not die in the process. I kept my wits and learned from mistakes I spent my life ignoring. XW also survived, which seemed impossible to me.

3) I continue to be surrounded by goodness. I can be grateful for it as long as I see it. And if I don’t see it I simply ask myself where I’m looking.

All told, feeling like a survivor is embarrassing because I survive myself. But a new perspective and the rewards of being alive trump that embarrassment a million times over.

[This message edited by JBWD at 8:53 PM, Thursday, October 7th]

Me: WH (Multiple OEA/PA, culminating in 4 month EA/PA. D-Day 20 Oct 2018 41 y/o)Married 14 years Her: BS 37 y/o at D-Day13 y/o son, 10 y/o daughter6 months HB, broken NC, TT Divorced

posts: 910   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2019   ·   location: SoCal
id 8692034
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Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 9:28 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

Congratulations, JBWD. I know it’s not what you wanted, but I’m jealous.

I’m glad life is going well for you on the other side.

WS - remarried to BH but not in R

D-day 2010

posts: 6331   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 8692041
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