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jailedmind (original poster member #74958) posted at 11:55 AM on Saturday, October 10th, 2020
WS only
[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:08 AM, October 10th (Saturday)]
Snowyjune ( new member #72831) posted at 1:44 PM on Saturday, October 10th, 2020
The "love" I felt for AP was object love. It wasnt really anymore more than loving the way AP made ME feel.
Real love is commitment and sacrifice and selfless. Nothing an affair brings...
ME: WW
D-day: 23 Aug 2019
5 months of EA/PA
TT for another 4 months
D-day 4: Apr 2020
MyAndI ( member #75422) posted at 5:52 PM on Saturday, October 10th, 2020
We always try to explain away our feelings about the OP by submitting to the idea that what we felt wasn't real love. I don't know if this is always true. I did love many traits about the OW. She made me feel the way BW did when we first met. She made an effort for me, was generous with her mind and body. But the point is I shouldn't have been developing feelings for someone else in the first place. The FOG isn't always based in fantasy. There are bonds that develop between waywards and their OPs. My mistake was not focusing on a life with my wife/soulmate, who I love more than anyone on this earth. I think we like to say the A was all FOG because it pleases the BS's ears, and fools us all into thinking we were in some kind of spell when with the OP. I think that's a cop out.
In MC our counselor forced us to be completely honest about our feelings for our OPs, it actually opened our eyes to what the OPs were giving us that we weren't giving to each other. The is not condoning our affairs, but it allowed us to speak to what we needed in the relationship and weren't getting from each other.
[This message edited by MyAndI at 11:59 AM, October 10th (Saturday)] [This message edited by MyAndI at 5:59 PM, Saturday, October 10th]
I failed at R
Survived Infidelity as a BH, WW had a six-month EA/PA, then I had an affair of my own many years later that lasted three-years, never thought I'd ever cheat.
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 9:11 PM on Saturday, October 10th, 2020
WS only but no stop sign. Which is it?
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced
Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 9:21 PM on Saturday, October 10th, 2020
I assume it was a BS who started the thread since the entire post was removed by admin. So, not a valid topic thread.
[This message edited by Darkness Falls at 3:21 PM, October 10th (Saturday)]
Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again
Staying together for the kids
D-day 2010
JBWD ( member #70276) posted at 12:31 AM on Sunday, October 11th, 2020
Correct.
Should go in “I Can Relate”
Me: WH (Multiple OEA/PA, culminating in 4 month EA/PA. D-Day 20 Oct 2018 41 y/o)Married 14 years Her: BS 37 y/o at D-Day13 y/o son, 10 y/o daughter6 months HB, broken NC, TT Divorced
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