Myheart you asked for my input. Please know that I haven't followed closely, I don't feel I am useful to the wonderful people here as I once was.
That said, his actions and words just SCREAM I AM AN ADDICT Every excuse he gives, every blame he shifts say that he is still trying to protect his fix, whether it be porn, flirtation, scanning, all of it.
There isn't much use of him admitting to being a SA if he doesn't intend to do anything about it.
You cannot force him to do IC, and if IC doesn't seem to work for you, try a different IC. I went through several before I felt comfortable. Your IC could be a CSAT but it's acceptable if they have experience of addiction.
You HAVE to adopt the attitude that he'll do what he does and grow into the idea that unless he changes on his own, unless he adopts recovery wholeheartedly, he is a poor bet. It's so much more complex with a SA than a substance abuser. There is no blood test to determine if he's compulsively undressing women all the time.
One of that best slogans is DETACH Don't Even Think About Changing Him.
As much as we want and yearn and pray that the guy we fell in love with comes back, the reality is that we have absolutely NO CONTROL over what he does.
Have you read about the 180 in the Healing Library? It is an excellent way to begin the detach process. It isn't done to punish him, or coerce him to change (which won't work anyway) it is for YOU.
I have a bad taste in my mouth about faith based counseling IN GENERAL. Too many times betrayed spouses, especially wives, are pressured to "just forgive the sinner." One can forgive and still understand that the relationship is toxic to the BS. In no way does a benevolent God expect us to put our own life and wellness at risk by continuing with an addict. Your results may very well be different.
Your relationship began much as yours did, short courtship, quick commitment. My husband didn't actually lie to me, but I think that they are tormented by the overwhelming sexual thoughts and think marriage will cure them. Since the illness in mental, and the "hole" in them is so deep and dark, unless and until they fix themselves, they stumble through life destroying others and often themselves.
His mean comments and unacceptable treatment of you is typical. You are attacking and trying to keep him from his FIX. An addict will do anything to protect the object of their fix. NOTHING is more important, not wives, children, jobs, not the fear of death, NOTHING is more important than that porn session or lap dance, or flirtatious encounter, or a scanning session at the supermarket.
You have to say to him, "I will not tolerate verbal abuse, I will not tolerate porn, friendships, etc." You have to say, "I will not be in a home where porn is being viewed, I will not sleep in a bed with an abuser" And you have to be prepared to leave, or at least leave the bedroom. This isn't a threat. This is YOU saying where the boundaries are.
I'll monitor this, let me know if there is anything else I can do.
I'm sorry you are in this horrible situation and I'll hold you in the LIGHT.