Is my understanding correct, that your wife realized you were losing your mind and not only did she not have any empathy
for you - but your distress added to her enjoyment/excitement?
No idea if it added anything to the excitement, but it looks like it added a layer of justification (WW: "BS was so quiet today - he's really
moody lately" C: "I know it's hard for you, just look forward to Friday" etc etc...)
@squid Not waivering, friend. I just don't know what to do, or what I want clearly yet, which means I cannot make a
decision. The only thing I can do is give *me* more time. No decision is still a decision, so I have to choose a default
course of action, and if I have no strong feelings or desire to R or if there is no action on WS side, then it's D.
I'll keep my guard up. Thankyou for the thoughts.
@justsayno Yeah, you're right. I hadn't mentioned the pill.
I found it accidentally while I was looking for my car key -
she sometimes takes my car then leaves the key in her bag. I saw it, and didn't immediately know what it was (it was
just in a branded blister pack) so I just put it back and looked up what it was later. Checked the following day, and it
I did not mention anything to WS even though we had not had sex for a long while up to that point. I justified it
in my mind that it was hers for maybe later (i.e. she was planning on being intimate with me) or she had got it or was
holding it for someone she knew that couldn't or wouldn't buy it (i.e. doing a friend a favour and helping them).
But wait - there is more!
Later on in the month we had sex! We don't use condoms, and it's very hard for her to get pregnant, so she
normally just uses the morning after pill. I asked her if she's going to take one the following morning and she said
that she'd "need to go to the pharmacist to buy one". This was the Sunday of the weekend that I cracked, so I was
confused at this point, and my mind was racing. I asked whether she'd taken the morning after pill recently (not sure
why this didn't tip her off) and she said no - she only takes it when she needs it, and that it was probably when she
was at University when she last took one (when we had an active sex life, she was on birth control).
As you can imagine, this did nothing for my mental health.
We're both late 30s.
Married for just short of 9 years
Known her since College (same group of friends) Started an exclusive relationshipmwith her maybe 14 years ago.
Previously she had boyfriends and she never cheated to my knowledge. No strage behaviour at all as far as I'm aware.
I booted her out and had a neighbour take her to her mums house on Friday evening. She asked to talk to me yesterday,
and I went around when it was convenient for me (after visiting the girls for a couple of hours, doing a bunch of
chores, excercising, trying to eat, etc...). I stayed and listened for maybe 30 mins, and then left. She asked if she
could come back with me and I told her no. She said she needs to get some things from home, and I told her that she
should have text me a list of things to bring if she wanted to ask me to do that, and I'm not her errand boy.
Tinder app looks like something she set up in May when she was "Unbelievably horny, and if we don't meet up I'm going to
Tinder" as she wrote to AP. It looks like she did not act on it, but it's super sketchy, and I'll be broaching this with
her carefully. Is there any way on Tinder to know if conversations have been deleted? Any data recovery possible at all?
It only looks like she used the web version, so I'm thinking a Freedom of Information Request may be the only way.
@Tempocontour no sources, sorry.
@DictumVeritas yeah, that's what I'm worried about. I'll be chatting with my therapist about this next time.
Again, just an astonishing amount of support and really excellent advice. Thank you all for taking the time to help me.
I'm still processing, but I'll keep posting too.
If anyone has any advice on breaking this to the kids, I'm all ears. They are only young - 5 and 6, and the eldest is
very emotionally sensitive. They are both doing so well, and I don't want to hurt their perception of security.