Interesting the recent comments about narcissism and especially covert narcissist. I’m actually listening to a podcast right now with someone who is an expert is personalities and he is describing covert narcissists and she has almost all (not every one, but most) of the traits.
Had a big blow out again last night. She got home for dinner and then told me the AP called her out of the blue as he is back in the country and has quarantined and only has 1-2 days before he has to leave to join his family so he wanted to see her. She already had plans with a girlfriend of hers which she had to change.
She told me that she was going to be transparent when he got in touch with her and told me she was having dinner in a public place with him tonight. I lost it and said I told her I didn’t want her to meet him in person and she should have ended it already. I told her reconciliation hasn’t started since you haven’t ended anything. She immediately went from 0 to 100 in anger and yelling saying the proper way to do this is face to face and end it as he has no idea what she was going to tell him.
I told her no problem, do it your way, don’t come home tomorrow and I turned away. She grabbed my arm and ended up scratching it, and I told her the next time she is violent towards me the police will be here. I took photos later just to have them as proof.
She said why don’t you want me to end it in person, and I said because I don’t trust him and she said, no, you don’t trust me. And she was right. She basically said if someone like this happens again, we are through.
I said be careful with your threats because I can make your life a living hell.
She lost it again - then asked me again about the recordings and if I deleted them. She said let me see your computer and prove that you deleted them. I started laughing and said I deleted them and don’t have to prove anything to you, It’s you that has to prove things to me. She said if she gets access to my computer, she will give me access to her phone - I declined.
She then said that she will not have me hold anything over her head and will go and tell her parents herself about the affair, as well as our kids. She said after she tells them, and they see how bad our marriage was, they will be upset at me instead of her. Again blaming me. (And as I mentioned here before, I am definitely at fault for being a bad husband for years.)
She said how hard she is fighting to have this meeting is exactly how hard she will fight for me as she chose to be with me.
I dropped it then as we weren’t getting anywhere and our kids were waiting for us outside to go to dinner.
She left this afternoon, came home then left and has been out for dinner for 4 hours based on the time she said they were having dinner, maybe longer based on when she left and haven’t heard from her in 7 hours. Who knows if they are even eating, maybe they are in a hotel or in the back seat of her vehicle - I don’t care anymore - I am not even going to wait up and will be asleep by the time she gets home. She can tell me all about it tomorrow.
The funny thing is last night, she even offered for me to go with her for the meeting so I accepted. That threw her off then she tried to change my mind which I did, because if I went I would probably do something I would regret with both of them.
I am still going ahead to meet with the lawyer next week to see what my options are and what divorce will look like.
I can’t trust her.