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Multi-dating

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twicefooled posted 8/10/2020 09:03 AM

I am trying to "put myself out there" via online dating. I've tried Tinder and Bumble (won't do Plenty of Fish, my ex is on there lol).

I've been having success with Facebook dating and it's nice because I can see who we have in common and I can do some intel on them before committing to a coffee date.

I've been enjoying first dates in the time of Covid, no awkward pause at the end to see if they will go in for a kiss or hug because I'm very clear about my "bubble" and they get a virtual high five at the end lol.

I've been up front with all of them, that I'm new to Facebook dating app and that I am chatting with more than just them.

I've always settled on one at a time, but now I'm trying things a different way.

As long as I'm up front with them all I'm not doing anything wrong. Anyone else in the same boat? I know I'm especially sensitive to the appearance of being sneaky, and none of them seem bothered since I"m sure they are doing the same thing.

I've sniffed out 2 married men so far, assholes.

Okokok posted 8/10/2020 09:14 AM

I've sniffed out 2 married men so far, assholes.

Jeesh. I'm honestly not sure I know a single woman who hasn't discovered this in the Tinderverse. I personally have matched with a bajillion women on dating apps, and I've *never* encountered this (that I know of).

I've been up front with all of them, that I'm new to Facebook dating app and that I am chatting with more than just them.

As long as I'm up front with them all I'm not doing anything wrong. Anyone else in the same boat?

I really think that what you're describing is the norm especially when it comes to just chatting on the apps.

When it comes to actual in-person dating, I think there is more of a spectrum of what's ok. If you're actually dating more than one person (which I would highly advise against in the COVID era anyway, 6-feet apart or not), that's something you don't want to keep from someone (and you should also check in with them to see if that's what they're doing).

If you're being open and honest and working hard to ensure that everyone knows where you are, there really is nothing wrong with it.

twicefooled posted 8/10/2020 09:30 AM

thank you for your reply!

I was obviously worried about the Covid aspect. Where I am, numbers are very low (thank goodness) and we've met outside and 6 feet apart. One walking date we wore masks lol.

I do prefer to continue chatting with the men that take Covid as seriously as I do. But it's going to be the new normal, and since dating is my normal I feel like I'm doing it the best way possible. I also won't be having any physical affection until I determine that I only want to see one special person, and do my best to ensure they are on the same page.

NeverTwice posted 8/10/2020 12:25 PM

twicefooled,

First of all...

I've sniffed out 2 married men so far, assholes.

Ugh - asshole is being WAY too nice to those 'men'.

Sounds like you are doing it the right way! And why not keep all your options open?? I am spoiled - my dating pool is wide open (I am bi). I think you are being wise!

Good luck and - most of all - HAVE FUN!!!

AnnieOakley posted 8/10/2020 13:33 PM

I give you mad props Twice for your ability to multi date! Iím older than you but was fully prepared to give it my best shot.

Back in early June I started talking to someone from match that is 7 yrs younger. I tried to chase him off! Ha!! After about 2 weeks we finally coordinated and had a Saturday afternoon CV19 friendly date set up. That same week someone from bumble asked me out for an afternoon hike on Friday and I agreed.

I immediately knew it was a mistake with hike boy. He was handsome, polite, appropriate, etc. He asked me out again that evening via text and I was honest and said that I had another date set up and have determined that I am a complete and utter failure at multi dating upon my very first effort. But that I needed to say TBD based on this other date. He was respectful and thanked me for my refreshing honesty!

My instincts were correct. Younger guy and I have been out several times since. Nothing uber serious at this point, but weíre on the same page about what we are looking for so time will tell.

Soooo many fake dating profiles online too. Ugh. Iíve gotten quite good at spotting them.

JanaGreen posted 8/10/2020 14:14 PM

Totally fair game until you have the exclusive talk.

twicefooled posted 8/10/2020 17:03 PM

People need to understand that wedding bands in the summer time leave tan lines. D'uh. But it's a shining beacon of deceipt to me so I'm glad some people are just dumb.


[This message edited by twicefooled at 5:07 PM, August 10th (Monday)]

unspecified posted 8/10/2020 18:17 PM

People need to understand that wedding bands in the summer time leave tan lines.

I'm not the guy with the tan lines on my finger obviously, but this never would have occurred to me. Lol.

Tallgirl posted 8/10/2020 19:47 PM

Hi TF

I am in the same situation as you. Multi dating. I have been on 4 first dates. None thrill me. But I am learning to date. So it is all good.

I have sniffed out about four married men (I scold them) and umpteen fake profiles. Several doms, and a few extra kinky ones. And so many younger guys looking for mom. Crazy.

My last date had some pauses in the conversation mostly because he just smiled.

A lot of them talk sex so fast. It surprises me. I donít really like that. Call me old fashioned, but Iíd like to know your name.

Geez.

Palmetto9213 posted 8/10/2020 20:33 PM

I'm in the same situation too....it's a great feeling to be able to weed out the fake/married/loser men as I realize that I know my worth now. I can be selective about who I want to spend time with and if it doesn't 'click'... then I kindly tell them that I respect them and want to be honest, and that despite having a nice time, I don't see things going any further. All have been gracious and thanked me for my honesty. I have also been ghosted a few times and who knows why- they were in a car wreck? they keeled over dead? their wife found out? they weren't that into me? it's all part of this dating scene and I don't take it as a rejection, rather I'm thankful I didn't waste time on someone who may not be worthy....I believe you are doing things the right way for now Twicefooled, just be honest...both with your dates, and more importantly, to yourself! Have fun and stay safe!

JanaGreen posted 8/10/2020 20:34 PM

I have sniffed out about four married men (I scold them) and umpteen fake profiles. Several doms, and a few extra kinky ones. And so many younger guys looking for mom. Crazy.

So do the "doms" tell you that up front and want you to call them Sir on the first date?

Tallgirl posted 8/11/2020 05:18 AM

No siree!

I will say be careful of what you share. One guy told me his industry and his first name - his generic title and city was in his profile. I found him online in one search.

I was curious if I could. And yep. I am not even that gOod.

twicefooled posted 8/11/2020 07:09 AM

Tallgirl, yes Im very careful. I have a fairly public job so my personal info is already locked down 😁 This was my fear years ago when I started dating again but point well taken.

NeverTwice posted 8/11/2020 11:46 AM

Tallgirl,

A lot of them talk sex so fast. It surprises me. I donít really like that. Call me old fashioned, but Iíd like to know your name.

I think modern hookup culture influences that quite a bit. And if I go on a first date and the other person brings up sex before we can finish an appetizer? There would not a second date. And the first date might end there too.

JanaGreen,

So do the "doms" tell you that up front and want you to call them Sir on the first date?

LMAO!

Fablegirl posted 8/11/2020 12:08 PM

So very curious about this. First, what is Facebook dating? And second, are there virtual options for meeting on the online sites.

For what it's worth, I agree as long as you are up front and honest then you are not doing anything wrong.

twicefooled posted 8/11/2020 12:40 PM

There is an app on Facebook called Dating. It works similar to Tinder, one party "likes" the other party and then you are allowed to send messages to each other on the platform.

The unique thing about it is that you can see if you have friends in common (and then I ask our friends in common about them). If we don't have friends in common, then it's the normal way of feeling someone out.

I message back and forth for a few days to gauge interest. If it's good, I will ask to video chat with them. If that's good too then we book a meet up (since it's nice weather, it's outdoors for either a walk in public or a drink on a patio).

I'm over my one night stand days, and I prefer a gentleman that takes my lead. If they go in fast and hard to push a physical relationship, then I don't talk to them again. I'm up front that I'm looking for a long term relationship, will not be cohabitating for a few years, and am talking to multiple men. If they are good with those stipulations, we see where it goes.

twicefooled posted 8/16/2020 16:14 PM

I wanted to update this, in case anyone is interested in following my dating journey (good or bad lol)

This weekend (Friday night) I had date #3 with M (not his real name, keeps it simple). It was nice, didn't feel the same chemistry as I did on date #2. I also didn't hear much from him this week so I wasn't sure what to feel but he texted me Friday morning to confirm the evening so I didn't worry much about it.

Saturday afternoon I had a coffee and walking date with K (date #1). I wasn't as physically attracted to him as I was to M at first sight, but K is really witty and well read and we had some really great topics to discuss. We walked for 2 hours and it flew by. We've been sending each other corny and interesting memes ever since. He is part of a volunteer flight crew and knows a lot about astronomy so our next date will be looking at the stars and him telling me about it.

This afternoon I get a message from M saying that it was nice to hang out but he doesn't see this going anywhere. Old Me would have been crushed. New Me feels the same way and it's refreshing to hear honesty, so no hard feelings at all.

Onwards and upwards! I will see what happens in the next 2 weeks but with back to school looming my social life will take a bit of a dive for a while lol.

NeverTwice posted 8/16/2020 18:11 PM

Thanks for the update!! And good luck with K :-)

And it is OK if you are not as physically attracted to him right now - he has captured your interest with his humor and intelligence.

And, speaking from direct experience, those are among the top 5 qualities I am looking for in a future (potential) partner. Remember 2 things:

1. More than one study has found that quality sex directly correlates with intelligence

2. I have seen a couple of friends doing what you are. And dated guys they thought they were not their 'type'. Both are madly in love and married now

In other words, you might find the physical attraction comes at a later point.

Good luck!!!

twicefooled posted 8/16/2020 19:13 PM

NeverTwice, thank you for pointing that out re not being physically attracted instantly. He has definitely caught my mental attraction for sure.

I have never had a relationship where I wasn't physically attracted immediately. I have also never had a relationship that has lasted (obviously lol) so I know that I need to do something different if I want different results this time around.

twicefooled posted 8/23/2020 09:27 AM

Date 2 was a success last night.

When we first started chatting, he asked me what my ideal date was.....I love going to the beach at night and watching the stars and listening to the waves. This is always my "ideal date" answer. Up to now, none of the guys have suggested doing this.

K is different, apparently. He is an avid sky watcher (he has the most official looking telescope that I've ever seen). We met at the beach just before sunset, he brought a blanket AND a sweater for me in case I got cold (which I thought was very sweet).

We had a blast! We people watched till the sun went down, took some cool pictures of the sunset (we have the best in the world here). He pointed out all of the constellations and he managed to get us a great view of Saturn (saw the rings!) and the moon (saw the surface!)

He was a perfect gentleman and mindful of Covid (so no touching). I really appreciated that.

At the end of the date he followed me to the highway and followed up to make sure I got home safe.

Making plans for date #3.

I'm not chatting with anyone else right now, kiddos start school shortly and THAT will be a hot mess so I'm not complicating my life with more people.

But I am sweet on this one :) Let's see where this goes.

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