Newest Member: username3016

Divorce/Separation :
and just like that...

Topic is Sleeping.
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Anna123 ( Member #70908) posted at 1:18 PM on Sunday, August 2nd, 2020

I don't know if I can endure this again.

You will. It's those emotions. Even though you know the drill now, the emotions are still there to mess with you for now. Let us know how the pickup of you things goes. Hopefully it works like you plan and you don't have to cross his path.

posts: 620   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8569215
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 12:25 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

I plan to pick up my things tomorrow. Melbourne has gone into almost full lockdown now and we can only travel within a 5km radius from home. Curfew from 8pm to 5am. He lives more than 5km from me but I'm going to go anyway. If I get pulled over I'll explain the situation. There's no way I'm going to wait 6 weeks for the restrictions to be lifted, that would set me back way too far.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8569388
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 12:27 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

I'm wondering if there's a mod around who could move my post to a more appropriate forum.

New Beginnings just doesn't seem to be what it's about anymore.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8569390
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WhoTheBleep ( Member #49504) posted at 3:55 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Definitely pick up your things as soon as possible. I agree.

Up to you as far as moving your post. I've seen posts like this before in New Beginnings. I made one myself a few months ago.

(((TTS)))

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4358   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8569437
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 7:59 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

I'm sorry to hear that Who

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8569485
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cantaccept ( Member #37451) posted at 10:31 AM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Tts, I remember you well. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You will survive it. It is just awful but you will. That 4 letter word that we all ce to know so well, time. (((Tts)))

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8569509
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 1:50 PM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Thank you cant.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8569540
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squid ( Member #57624) posted at 2:26 PM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

I haven't commented yet but this:

It's brutal reading intimate conversations between the person you love and someone else.

I know this. I have a recording somewhere that has my XWW telling her AP that she would never love me again. I listened to it just once back on Dday over two years ago. It still simultaneously stabs me in the chest and punches me in the gut when I think about it today.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2582   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8569562
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JanaGreen ( Member #29341) posted at 4:52 PM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

Oh no. I just got up to speed. I'm so terribly sorry tts. That bastard!

posts: 9411   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8569607
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newlife03 ( Member #56527) posted at 5:26 PM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

I'm so sorry, no one deserves this treatment.

Me - 50
Kids 25, 22, 18
1st DDay in 2006, 2nd in 2007
D in 2009
Happily Committed to SO since 2011

posts: 657   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: ID
id 8569625
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Lalagirl ( Member #14576) posted at 5:41 PM on Monday, August 3rd, 2020

(((((tts))))))

I'm so, so sorry. I wish I had words of comfort for you. I know it hurt to read those messages, sweetie, but FWIW, you found out what was really happening with him...goodness knows how much longer this would have continued with you feeling like you should try to save this relationship.

As for him...oh, I have words, but not of comfort and I will not elaborate further.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 37 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-37 & 34 11yo GS,8yo GD&6yo. GD (DD37) and 9yo GD & 4yo GD(DD34). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8626   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8569631
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 7:50 AM on Tuesday, August 4th, 2020

Thank you all so very much.

I went over there today to collect my stuff. I made sure he wouldn't be there.

He said he had left a letter for me.

I chose not to read it. There is nothing I want to hear from him and I didn't want to risk his words tipping me over the edge.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8569929
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JanaGreen ( Member #29341) posted at 10:29 AM on Tuesday, August 4th, 2020

There's a song called The Last Time, by an artist named Erick Baker, with these lines:

This is the last time I let you say goodbye

Don't call when there's no one to lie beside

Don't waste your breath in letters I won't read

Cause there is nothing in your promises that I need

I thought of that song just now when I read your update. Good for you for not opening that letter full of empty words. Huge hugs to you.

posts: 9411   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8569942
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 11:52 PM on Tuesday, August 4th, 2020

Thank you Jana. I'm exhausted.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8570321
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 1:38 AM on Thursday, August 6th, 2020

Something my brother said when I told him what SO had done....

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

love my bro.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8570796
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WhoTheBleep ( Member #49504) posted at 2:39 AM on Thursday, August 6th, 2020

Great quote. We can all relate.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4358   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8570811
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Chrysalis123 ( Guide #27148) posted at 1:10 PM on Thursday, August 6th, 2020

Instead he copied and sent the last message from her apparently. It was obviously part of an ongoing conversation about how excited they both are about this wonderful new relationship and how fabulous the future looks.

I am so sorry you had to see that because I know the pain it caused you.

However, this was a gift from the universe, so you KNOW...for sure...the guy is a WS.

He said he had left a letter for me.

I chose not to read it.

There you go TTS! Good for you to have a clear head and functioning self care skills right now.

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

I love your brother.

How are you doing today TTS??

PS- I alerted the Mods about your request to move this thread.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 7:11 AM, August 6th (Thursday)]

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 8570902
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 1:25 AM on Friday, August 7th, 2020

Hi Chrys.

How am I today? Seems to depend on the hour. I had forgotten the true extent of this rollercoaster ride but it's hitting home hard.

It's an interesting thing, you would think that having had to do this before I should be better equipped to deal with it, it's not new and unchartered territory like it was with my ex. Problem is I know how it goes, I remember the pain, it scares the crap out of me.

I have reacted a little differently this time though. I have reached out for help immediately, I'm not doing anything to protect him or his precious reputation, I'm not making excuses for him and I'm not beating myself up and taking any of the blame. I won't.

On the odd occassion, when I'm feeling overwhelmed with grief at the loss of what I thought we had, I recall that message I read. It reminds me of the lies, the manipulation and the level of deception. It fuels the rage and we all know anger is a much more comfortable emotion than grief.

Right now I'm trying to figure out what to do with that anger. I've never been a vindictive person, I never looked for or took revenge on my XWH, he just wasn't worth it even though I felt like it plenty of times. I wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt me, but I didn't. I told myself that I'm not that person and that karma would deal with him. I have no idea if it has, I'm just grateful that he's been out of my life all this time.

I'm battling with myself at the moment. I know enough about this man that I could make at least the next few years of his life miserable. I actually know enough to probably put him in jail. Problem is I'm not that person, but maybe he turned me into that person. The jury is out.

tts

[This message edited by trying to smile at 7:28 PM, August 6th (Thursday)]

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8571222
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Chili ( Member #35503) posted at 1:54 AM on Friday, August 7th, 2020

On the odd occassion, when I'm feeling overwhelmed with grief at the loss of what I thought we had

The other thing that helped me when he would pop into my head and I needed a little something to get him out of there...I would think of the one or two things that I wouldn't miss. I quickly say, "but yeah, you never have to deal with _____ bs again."

That was one of my favorite tricks - especially when I was feeling sad about a lost future.

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Loving flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2136   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8571236
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 trying to smile (original poster Member #9683) posted at 1:57 AM on Friday, August 7th, 2020

That's a good trick Chili and I find myself doing that too. The great surprise to me is how many of those things there are. I made allowances for so many things, love is truly blind.

tts

Good Women.
May we know them,
May we be them,
May we raise them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"so when he finally showed his true colours they proved to be a startling shade of turd".

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2006   ·   location: The Land Down Under
id 8571238
Topic is Sleeping.
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