Thanks for the advice and help .
So mid October I had a thought my wife was having an affair, but then pushed it out of my mind, 8th Decemeber i looked at her phone and saw a message saying "can you talk", I instantly knew,
i told my wife i wanted to take the pictures off her phone and create an album of our children.
That's when i installed an app on her phone that was a spy app, I now had access to everything on her phone except whatsapp phone calls.
their were a few messages sent over the next week nothing that gave me facts just slightly romantic/flirty texts.
after a week of looking every 5 seconds of every day i still had no evidence but deep down i felt i knew.
We sat down and we chatted and i offered her the chance to tell me everything and to be honest about if anything had gone on, she dismissed any wrong doing. I asked that she has no contact with him from now on, she said he is a coworker and that would be hard and they are just friends.
I told her if she contacts him at all she is putting him before our family.
I left for work she immediatly text him " we need to talk Xxxxx has found out"
a whatsapp conversation then happened which i do not know what was said .
another very long week passed, no contact at all.
I sat by her and told her i needed to know what had gone on and that i had evidence of her affair, but i didnt know everything.
(foolish i know)
she told me that they had kissed and it had been going on for approx 2 weeks but she didnt know.
devastated.. is all i can say, i was utterly broken, The betrayel is heart breaking..
I took her phone (with permission) and contacted the guy i told him he needed to describe everything that had happened, he reluctantky did, it matched her story fairly accurately. so i knew i had some truth.
I immediately told her about the app on her phone and agreed to take it off,
I then contacted him a few times as he also has a wife and child, mainly to play mind games with him. his partner then found out because of something i did, i told his wife eveything i knew and what had gone on .
The Marriage.. the kids ..
I havent really thought about what i want, because we have 3 very small children who need a dad and a mum .
If we didnt have children, its an easy decision
to leave, but i love my children with everything, and being here for them is my main priority.
a
Im not saying i dont love my wife, but i feel i need to try for our children if nothing else.
Although she hasnt hand written a letter, she did text him and say that she is workingbon her marriage and him and her are no more.
They still work in the same place but not together, she tells me she is looking to be posted somewhere else but that takes time.
She has been diagnosed medically with PTSD from the traumatic child birth of our 3rd child, however only after the affair did she seek help and recognise the symptoms .
My problem is, i can take an acorn and see an Oak tree, every tiny detail that doesnt sit right with me or doesn't seem plausible i spend days going over and over it, until i cant remember what ive done the last few days ...
I tried counselling, however im not what you would call an open book, we both tried and didnt really help. my wife is seeking help for PTSD, however im still on the fence about this.
The lies the deciept ... the betrayal ..how do i accept this and move on when accepting it is allowing this betrayal, surely by forgiving her im accepting this behavioir and asking to be mowed down.
Thanks..