SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Dear Dave,

Sorry, you are going through this horrible situation but I advise you to consider the recommendation by the posters. It is my opinion, you can’t rug-sweep this affair or will come back to bit you in the butt. I agree with Mickey, of the possible reason for her PTSD after birth. The affair lasted longer than you think and the AP could possibly be the father of her child.

Regardless, stand up and move forward with finding the answers.

Bigheart

Where were they when they just kissed?

Men don't usually just kiss a married woman.

Kissing is actually very intimate. Studies of married couples that experienced infidelity show that at the time they first 'kissed' - it was go time.

Is the OM married? If so, you should inform his wife. She is your best ally in stopping their affair. She also deserves to know.

Exposure is one of the few consequences for cheaters.

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Please know that the PTSD excuse is a crock of crap. PTSD has nothing to do with and does not contribute to cheating. Also know that your WW and the other man coordinated their stories. Just like many cheaters do, my ex and her cheating partner did the same thing. You don't have the full extent of the affair and if your WW doesn't come clean then she's not remorseful and not R material. Lastly know that if you forgive her without consequences and without her revealing the entire truth, she'll do it again after the dust settles. She'll either get back with the current other man because he's lying to his wife also, or she'll find another cheater to be with but she'll be better at hiding it.

You have one life. You decide how you're going to live it and who you're going to share it with. Your WW has shown the she cares nothing for you and your happiness. She's shown that she only cares about herself and her desires, even over her own children. There must've been signs over the years that you ignored.

Your WW made her choices and is still choosing to lie to you to protect herself and the other man. It's now your turn to choose. Make choices that ensure your future happiness. Take care of yourself because your WW is not going to be there to take care of you. You're worth the effort to live free from pain and drama. I wish the best for you.

So Dave, sadly you have a wife who has betrayed you and you're getting partial truths with some lies you may never know the real answers to.

What comes next?

You say counseling isn't working and she is using PTSD as her alibi.

She needs to fully own her betrayal and be just as fully accountable. And I suggest if she continues to work with this person, the temptation to pick up where they stopped is actually quite easy.

You and the kids need to be happy, joyful and have a good life. If you cannot find this with your wife, then you need to change the situation. You have to be strong and she needs serious therapy as to why she is broken and how to fix herself and help you heal. Without that, all you're going to do is rug sweep and wait for round #2. I hate to see you go through that.