I am still reading and listening. I understand what everyone is saying, but I haven't really told the entire story, all the details and it seems to have given some false impressions, my fault, I understand that and some of my responses were fog induced and limited.
I still find it difficult to understand that when you confronted her about her yearlong affair, she argued with you and told you she didn’t love you. Then, 12 or so hours later she’s begging for you to forgive her and take her back. Just defines logic and doesn’t compute for me.
I 100% agree with you. This was my sticking point as well. I did not ignore it and I have pressed her on it many times. She says it was a deer in the headlights moment and didn't know what to say, she got defiant/angry upon being caught. The "reason" she turned around so quickly is supposedly that when we were talking that night I pointed out all of the things that made me a good father and a good husband and I refuted her "examples" she gave me that made her "unhappy". I was upset, but very logical because it hurt so much. She said she was fucked up, turned around and none of it was true when she thought about it and what I said (although she didn't credit me for that), she just made it true in her head.
So basically, unhappy, depressed with anxiety (diagnosed for both and on meds for years), stressed at school, made some shit up or took little things to close to the vest, did not communicate, met someone, woo'ed her, cheated, got caught, told off, realized she's a bag of shit about to lose her entire family and 20 years, then begged to come back. It was also less than a year, and a lot less times than I assumed, I rechecked and confirmed, not that it matters, it was still long enough, one time would have been enough.
Lot's to unpack there and we're doing that so... Discussions are not over by a long shot.
Got the VAR in, put it under the seat. Took it out last night to check. Lot's of music to go through (which kind of sucks) but she had a phone call with someone, which I assume was a friend, she was parked and it wasn't through the car so only heard one side. If anyone knows a audio program to use to easily decipher music/speech let me know.
I heard her talking about how much of a bad person she was, the other person was clearly trying to calm her down, . It cut in and out a lot, I assume it's when she just wasn't saying anything and listening. I also heard I love him so much, I don't know, I'm bad person, we have to make it work, I'll do anything etc.
It's hard to understand a flow of a conversation with one side and cutouts.
lot's of other fluff, some sobbing, lot's of yeahs and uh huhs, some of I could not hear very well. It as the only phone call for the day it was in the car at her lunch break.
Without context I cannot 100% say for sure it was all about me, but it sure seemed to be.
Anyway I "know" this woman (as ironic as that might sound), I know right at this moment she is being honest, I am not sure what happens tomorrow because I know she can clearly turn on a dime, so I have to deal with and decide if that's something I want. I am pretty positive I can right all the "wrongs" (because they are not real) she thought she had going on in her life, so I doubt this would happen again, and I will never stop monitoring her phone, location, texts etc, in case OM shows up, but again, I have to decide if I want to live that kind of life. Not sure I do. I feel I am starting to lean the other way.
What stage am I in? Is there a stage that is "do I, don't I"?
I've noticed women looking at me when I go to the store or something even with my mask on, I've never payed attention to that before and I'm looking back. Good or bad sign?