Louisianalisa The first thing I want to say is that I understand your pain. I've felt it first hand, and there's nothing that will soothe it until you've had time to heal.
I wasn't married for 23 years, but we had a committed intimate relationship, 3 kids, house, business. He married her knowing her 14 days, and I found out because someone called me from Vegas randomly.
We had a bitter, contentious "divorce", as I finally stood up to him and retained an attorney. He's a narcissist and I knew I didn't have the fortitude to deal with him. I was beyond devastated.
I made meticulous lists of funds he used on her from our business. I had evidence, bank statements and he admitted to 75% of it. This process took almost 1.5 years. In the end if he balks you will be forced into a decision. Mediation or Trial. It's really that simple.
When it came to crunch time, he refused to pay any of it. He would force me to go to trial. I had to pay my own attorney as we weren't married. Trial will cost at least $35,000-$100,000 in attorney fees, and bs.
YOU have a unique opportunity to negotiate. You were married. Worst case scenario you are entitled to the 50% he spent that's considered your marital asset.
My BEST advise is to get mediation scheduled. Make sure you schedule it far enough in advance that if the initial session fails you have time for at least one more mediation LONG before any trial date. You want to avoid trial prep.
My mediation was for 8 hours, cost me $1250, same for him. We didn't have time left to quibble and it was in the last 45 minutes that we came to somewhat of an agreement. I feel it cost me at least $75,000-$150,000 not having an opportunity to get a second date to hammer out more details.
I did not get any of the funds he squandered on her. I missed important details that needed to be included. My amazing attorney also missed a few things. We were systematically in a frenzy to get the main things agreed, and some small things were missed. Details are EVERYTHING.
I can tell you that I thought I was prepared when I went to mediation. I was confident, held my head up, and smiled. He was a mess. We had to have separate rooms. The retired judge stayed with me and my attorney as it was volatile chaos in his room.
If you need it I can tell you what I missed and what to expect. I can tell you where I triumphed and where I failed in preparation. I can make suggestions on making sure the wording protects you in places I didn't anticipate it would bite me in the butt and then did. Attorneys are just people. In the end they can miss things, even if extremely good at their job.
If I had known more I'd have shown up with more than a smile. I'd have done things differently. I'd have been Plan B for my attorney, with a list of things to double check were in writing, in detail. One single miss step and it will cost you later either financially or in enforcing the agreement.
Just remember to take care of yourself right now. We forget to do so at times. None of this is easy, it will be a journey.