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3 years out and we are done

Hopscotch posted 4/30/2020 09:54 AM

I didn't think I would be writing this. Honestly, it seemed like wh had changed and wanted to be with me. He isn't perfect, but we were doing pretty well all things considered. He is bipolar so that is hard. And he is currently being evaluated for the degenerative neurological illness that his mother had so we have been under a lot of stress.

Anyway, he got drunk last night and let me know that he wants to be with other women and so he is leaving.

And that's that. I'm dying a little inside. I worked so hard and wanted so badly for us to make it. But apparently he has been lying to me for a long time saying he only wanted me. Telling me what he thought I wanted to hear so that I would stay with him.

I feel so much anger and resentment. And once again I feel worthless because he is going to throw me away to go chase other women.

Oh well. We are doing in-home separation for a week before he moves out. I'm staying in a separate room and trying hard to limit talking to sorting out money and finances and medical insurance.

Please tell me I will get through this and come out stronger on the other side, because right now I'm just a crying mess.

[This message edited by Hopscotch at 1:31 PM, April 30th (Thursday)]

BrokenheartedUK posted 4/30/2020 10:26 AM


I'm sorry because I know this isn't what you wanted. Having said that, if he wasn't all in then it's better to know sooner than later to get on with your life.

You will get through this. It may suck, but you will also find moments of peace and clarity. You'll get yourself back too.

Anna123 posted 4/30/2020 12:55 PM

Please tell me I will get through this and come out stronger on the other side, because right now I'm just a crying mess.

You absolutely will. It was four years ago I was supposedly 'reconciling' and found he was still seeing the OW. I remember writing to the reconciliation forum I was on the exact thing you just did and how awful it felt. Maybe worse than when I initially found out. Know that there are lots of us here who can relate, and who not just survived, but came out stronger and happier than ever before.

You aren't dying a little inside. It is the part of you that was connected to him. That connection was a one way connection, and it's okay that it was and you will move away from that. You will adjust over time to him not being a part of you and eventually you find yourself thinking 'Thank God' he is not part of you. Hang in there and be tough.

Take care.

The1stWife posted 4/30/2020 16:17 PM

It is better to learn the truth than live a lie. One day - one day - you will be glad you are not still living in a suspended state.

I think your future is brighter and more positive than you think.

HalfTime2017 posted 4/30/2020 17:07 PM

Hop- sorry you find yourself in this situation. You absolutely will make out better.

You'll look back and realize that this was a mess and its not worth it. Life is short. He's a shitty person.

Get out now, and live a great life.

Tallgirl posted 4/30/2020 19:04 PM

I am sorry.

I relate. My stbxh recently told me he wanted to divorce. Pain all over again. I was ready to try again.

I was floored, while not totally surprised I couldnít believe it.

This is where I am at now...

I am out of infidelity.

He wonít be hurting me again.

It likely would have failed.

He showed me who he was. Not admirable.

It was the first true statement in a while.

He is delusional. Thinks we can be friends.

It is over and it is scary. But I will survive. And I will survive better than him. It just may take some time.

Big hugs. I know it is crushing. But you are out of infidelity and you have full control of your life.

You will be ok. You will eventually be great. This is a new journey .

You have us. I hope you can relate to what I said.

Big hugs.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:09 PM, April 30th (Thursday)]

StillLivin posted 4/30/2020 20:17 PM

This hurts, and I'm so sorry. But, it will get better. And, he's done you a gigantic favor. In time, you will look back and be so grateful you didn't waste YEARS on him and this relationship. Now, you can truly be out of infidelity and you can start on the path to healing and a better life sans cheater.
In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself for anything you may have blamed yourself for. See a good attorney, or ten. Start focusing on what you and your children will need for the future.
Know you are not alone. Someone is always here to give support, advice, or just a shoulder to cry on.

BearlyBreathing posted 5/1/2020 00:20 AM

Hop- Iím sorry. But you are going to be better than fine. Promise.
Take care of you, get lawyer involved and make sure youíre being taken care of.

CoderMom posted 5/3/2020 17:55 PM

That is really difficult. Have you thought about counseling. I know that may sound cliche, but truly, it helps...

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