IIRC, the 180 was discovered by a client of MWD's who finally gave up on R. She developed her technique to self-motivate herself to detach. She was surprised to find out that it drew her H back.
The 180 is not a technique for manipulating an unremorseful WS into R. It's a technique to help a BS find the strength to D an unremorseful WS.
I urge you to use the 180 to achieve the goals it's designed to achieve.
You might also switch from the original 180 doc, which is filled with internal contradictions IIRC, to the simplified 180 - https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=598080.
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You're less than 3 days out. You have plenty of time to decide what you want. My guess is that, all other things being equal, the less pressure you put on yourself to decide, the faster you'll figure out what you want.
For now, just survive.
Drink lots of water, no drugs, eat as healthily as possible, get as much sleep as is healthy for you, move your body. Take care of your kids.
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Focus on you and on figuring out what you want. At this point, both D & R look possible.
You're focused on your W, as are most of us in the aftermath of d-day. But she's not the critical factor - you are. You can save yourself a lot of time and energy if you figure out what you want first.
She says she wants to grow old with you, and you're using energy to divine if she means it. If you don't want to grow old with her, you save a lot of energy.
And if you think you still do want to grow old with her, you're better off spending your energy now on figuring out your requirements for R than on trying to read her mind. You're better off finding and enhancing your own strengths than worrying about your WS.
What happens with your M depends on you and your W responding to each other. The more you know about what you want, and the more your actions maximize your likelihood of success, the better for you.
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Give up trying to control the outcome. Success now is surviving infidelity in a way that prepares you to thrive. D, R, taking time to gather more info, even attempting and failing R - all are M outcomes that can prepare you to thrive.
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Still, some things are obvious. You can tell your W truthfully that going to om will make R more difficult and D easier, even though she's free to go to him or not.
You can tell her that answering questions honestly will make R easier; lying by omission or commission will make D easier.
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I recommend reading in the Healing Library - a link is in the yellow box in the upper left of SI pages.
I also strongly recommend reading https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/what-every-wayward-spouse-needs-to-know.asp?
This gives you a guide to the behavior of a remorseful WS.
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Have faith in yourself to heal. I know you don't know which way is up now, but make that one of the fixed points by which to get oriented.