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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 6:15 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2019

The N64 is my favorite system, hands down. I've had three over the years that got broken one way or another. Now, I emulate and use a USB 64 controller. It's so awesome.

Didn't even know there was such a thing as a USB 64 controller. Tried the emulator experience with the mouse but couldn't get it to work. Thanks.

Have a wonderful Christmas, guys!

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8487080
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 10:09 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2019

RFC3261... a way way over complicated protocol.

So much truth there. Happy Holidays, gents!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8487166
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 12:56 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2019

Losfer, really sorry to hear about Koda man. Got home yesterday and was gonna post some trip pics, and read your post. That sucks, he was A Very Good Boy. As are they all. Tonight I'll raise my glass to Koda.

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8487218
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WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 1:20 AM on Wednesday, December 25th, 2019

Losfer - So sorry to hear about Koda's passing.

I'll raise a glass to him in his "It's Friday!" memory.

(It seems to be a rough week for dogs. I've had two other friends loose dogs this week. )

Me: BH (49)exW (49): Way too many guys to countThree kids (D22, D21, S18)Together 25 years, married 18Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3351   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8487219
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 10:04 PM on Thursday, December 26th, 2019

Thanks again, gents!

Got home yesterday and was gonna post some trip pics, and read your post.

TBK - Don't let my dog pic hold you back from trip pics. Would love to see them! Remember rule #... well, I don't know what rule # it is, but no such thing as a Tred Jack!

Hope everyone found some joy in the holidays this year!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8487764
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 4:53 AM on Friday, December 27th, 2019

I'm seated and waiting for Star Wars to start. Here's hoping that I enjoy it as much as I expect to... the Star Wars nerds in my life have all been disappointed.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8487888
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 4:36 PM on Friday, December 27th, 2019

I feel like I need to talk/write, but I don't know what to say. Yesterday was hard. I even went to the movies to try and get my mind off of it. I seldom do that.

The ex and I fought yesterday. She's pissed, obviously, that I didn't do more for her this Christmas, but she's not coming straight out and saying it. I spent most of my money on making sure our bills didn't get cut off, and the rest of it on Christmas for the kids. I eat as cheaply as I can when I go to work, but since my account was flatlined, I spent a little bit out of the main (family) account to keep me fed. Being diabetic, that's a health issue for me. Can't go too long without eating or I start feeling woozy and like I am going to be sick/pass out.

She, of course, leapt all over that like a rabid wolverine. She has found a phrase that cuts me deep and gets a reaction, even if I try to quell it. "Maybe you should try being a father for once."

I countered with referring to her trips as "vacations" and times where she "ran away from her family to go have fun" and the like, which pisses her off, and she vehemently referred to them as business trips. I smirked in her face and asked her what a business trip to go have sex made her. She lost her shit again and told me that she hated me. I told her "Good."

I have been steadfastly avoiding her so that we do not fight. She is angry that the result is that she does almost all of the housework (what of it she does, at least... the house is a fucking pigsty. It has been for years. She has NEVER kept it clean. Never.). I admit, I should probably take a more active role in cleaning, but at this point, well, if I spend all of my spare time cleaning up the mess that she refuses to touch during the 4 days I am out of the house, then all she'll do is sit on her phone and flirt/sext/shittalk with her fuckboy and walrus whore and I'll be the guy taking care of her house and the kids and the bills while she flies around fucking whoever she feels like fucking. I've already been cucked at least twice by this woman, and I'm not going to play happy-happy housemaker while she ignores the universe to get her jollies.

She had one of her cheating harpies over for Christmas and hadn't told me shit about it. I got home from my mother's house with all the kids on Christmas Eve, and there she was, sitting in my living room, acting like *I* was intruding on *her* time in *my* fucking house. I met her through her husband who was a coworker of mine. She cheated on him and left him at the same time my ex cheated on me and left me, and I am certain they planned it to happen in unison that way. Now, she's been avoiding the house and just waiting outside if I am home or asking the ex to meet her elsewhere.

Whatever. No skin off of my nose. But now she is *in* my home, present for Christmas morning, refusing to look at or speak to me like I was some big terrifying abusive monster when I've never been anything but kind to her and her children. She's another cheating slag, just the same sort of crusty fuckscum as my ex, so it shouldn't bother me, but it cuts me deep.

It hurts. I'm tired of hurting. I am so fucking tired of shitty fucking people doing shitty fucking things, and taking the brunt of it while they go on, flirting and playing and going directly to new relationships and fucking all the time and spending their money on "Bad Moms' Christmas Shenanigans" out, like was plastered all over Facebook, and then fucking criticizing -me- for having the audacity to FUCKING EAT while I'm at work.

I'm angry. I'm lonely. I'm depressed. I hate so much. I hate that I hate, and I hate that I only hate because of her right now. I hate that she can lash out with impunity because she's some fucking "oh poor woe-is-me woman who has been downtrodden by the Big Bad Patriarchy Man-Monster" while she slops her slug gooch all over the county riding whatever pecker pole she can stuff inside of her hollow self to act like she has any value past how much spunk she can catch from random internet fuckboys between her legs.

But I'm the fucking bad guy.

[This message edited by Incarnate at 10:55 AM, December 27th (Friday)]

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8488062
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WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 3:48 AM on Saturday, December 28th, 2019

We hear ya Incarnate.

In house separation is hell - for the exact reason you're hitting on: Her absolute disrespect towards you is front and center.

Hang in there man. Try to ignore her and just be the best dad you can be.

Me: BH (49)exW (49): Way too many guys to countThree kids (D22, D21, S18)Together 25 years, married 18Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3351   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8488350
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 5:44 PM on Saturday, December 28th, 2019

What a horrible situation you find yourself in, Incarnate. Hope you eventually find some peace of mind.

As for me these days, the words of a wise AA member from many years ago has become my motto, "Don't f*** with my serenity!!!" Anyone who fails to honor that is immediately held to account.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8488563
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ShutterHappy ( member #64318) posted at 11:39 PM on Sunday, December 29th, 2019

Incarnate, I read your story, trying to get some context, and wow, you didn’t have it easy.

Is there any way to limit your interactions with your WW?

Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good

posts: 1438   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2018   ·   location: In my house
id 8489031
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 5:40 PM on Wednesday, January 1st, 2020

Sorry for the radio silence. End of the month and end of the year coinciding made for not much time. I've been finding myself distancing from online interactions; my facebook is getting quiet, I'm not posting as much here, etc, etc...

I can't limit my interactions with her any more than I already am. I work 4 days a week, she theoretically works 3 days (I saw her last two paychecks; $143 a week working three days a week). She gets pissed if I don't do what she expects me to do while she's at work, yet she does fuckall while I'm at work sooo... yeah. She's expecting me to pay for the built up trash removal out of my own income instead of family income, and I had just accepted it offhand that I would, but now I'm giving that a second thought.

I don't have a New Year's post to post today. I looked back on the last five years, and each year I had something to say, some reflection, some -thing- to post about the year that had come before.

I'm not going to look back at 2019. Fuck 2019. 2019 is full of shit. I'm looking forward. 2020 is ahead of me. I don't know if it's going to be awesome or fucked up. I'm not just closing the book on the previous chapter of my life, I'm going to nail it shut with a nailgun and toss it in a fire.

I'm a writer. I'm gonna write the next chapter myself.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8490181
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:37 PM on Wednesday, January 1st, 2020

Good way to start 2020, I think.

Man, I hope you can get true separation from your W, Incarnate.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26045   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8490205
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 6:45 PM on Wednesday, January 1st, 2020

I was looking at house listings for rent this morning. I see one that is within my budget, but I don't have the work or income history for it yet, nor do I have the deposit saved up.

I have this fantasy of just going along, business as usual, as I line this up, then moving out while the ex is at work or out of town or whatever, and when she comes back, I just hand her my keys, walk to my car, and drive off, saying I'll be back Tuesday night to pick up the kids. She'd go to her room to see my door sitting open, my room completely empty. No warning, no leadup, just "Deuces, bitch."

But that's not realistic. Oh well. I can dream.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8490210
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 3:56 AM on Monday, January 6th, 2020

So, about 5 years ago, around this time of the evening, I was sitting in my office with a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of Ambien. I was prepping myself to take all the pills with the whiskey and end my life. My girls came in with cake, gave me a small succulent with a porcelain flowerpot, and sang me happy birthday just before I went through with it. They were four, six, eight, nine, and eleven years old.

Tonight, we all had Burger King for dinner and we're going to sit in my room and watch a movie. Not sure which one yet. My girls are nine, eleven, thirteen, fourteen and sixteen years old.

I was married, having just been through DDay1 a little over a month before. Now, I am separated, with DDay 2 coming up on 5 months ago. My eleven year old is baking me a cake.

Five years of false R, five years of anxiety and worrying about when she would cheat again, five years of trying to be the best father and husband I could, telling myself that my STBXW's actions were not reflective of who i was, but of who she was.

Hopefully, in the next five years, I'll find a partner that doesn't default to deceptions, gaslighting, mental abuse, narcissism, and adultery. I guess we'll see what happens.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8491978
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Walloped ( member #48852) posted at 11:17 AM on Monday, January 6th, 2020

Hopefully, in the next five years, I'll find a partner that doesn't default to deceptions, gaslighting, mental abuse, narcissism, and adultery. I guess we'll see what happens.

Amen to that!

And if I may, thank God for your girls.

Me: BH 47
Her: WW 46
DDay 8/3/15
"Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.” - The Doctor

posts: 1815   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2015   ·   location: New York
id 8492015
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 8:43 PM on Tuesday, January 7th, 2020

Incarnate, I'm sorry you faced the Abyss. I'm glad your daughters intervened.

*****

One of my (Costco Phonak) hearing aids burned out while on the 'bench' at Costco a week before Christmas. They were a month shy of 5 years old, so I bought new ones.

Got them yesterday, after being without properly adjusted HAs for over 2 weeks. (I was using 6-7 year old Siemens HAs.) The new ones sound a lot different with voices, maybe not as good as my old ones, but music sounds good through them.

My first 2 pairs (Siemens, 2010-2015, Phonak, 2015-2019) made music sound like it was coming from an AM radio. Believe me, Beethoven doesn't sound good over AM radio. (Well, Beethoven sounds good over anything. Brahms, Mahler, Tchaikovsky , Schubert, etc. - they don't sound good over AM.)

The new ones - Costco's Philips, which are unique to Costco - seem to be more than tolerable. They emphasize mid-range sounds, but the bass and treble overtones come across pretty sweetly.

Man, it would be so great to be able to enjoy listening to orchestral music again!

For the rockers around here, I'll be trying out Little Richard and Buddy Holly today, along with something classical.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26045   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8492729
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 9:26 PM on Tuesday, January 7th, 2020

I'm glad you're still around, too, Incarnate. Those girls are a blessing in more ways than five. Happy Belated Birthday.

Good deal on the hearing aid, Sisoon. I know how passionate you are about music, and it makes me happy that you will be able to enjoy it more. I'm starting to get more and more of an appreciation for orchestral music the further my son advances with his instrument. Last year he was able to be a part of a special statewide event where the kids played Mahler Symphony No. 1 in its entirety. I was blown away. Great stuff.

I still have to listen to my metal on the regular, though!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8492743
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 8:32 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2020

Mahler's First seems like it's HARD to play. Congratulations to your son. What's his instrument?

Giving your son lessons is great. I'd love to be able to make music. My hat is off to your son, and to everyone here who plays or sings.

Funny story about Mahler 1 - I heard the Philadelphia Symphony do it in Ann Arbor years ago. At the end of the concert, walking down the stairs from the upper balcony, a guy above me saw a friend of his below me, and they started a conversation.

The guy above me shouted, 'Beethoven would have said it in 15 minutes!' That just cracked me up, but I still like that symphony a lot.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26045   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8493265
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 9:11 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2020

He plays cello, Sisoon. It was an instrument he was just kind of drawn to, and it really seems to work for him.

That cracks me up about the Beethoven comment! Yes, it is a very long, and drawn out symphony. Very passionate and emotional, though. I didn't realize how intense it was until it was over. When everyone lifted their bows and rested their instruments, it was like all the air left the room.

He's got another city-wide concert coming up next week. I have no idea what they are playing, but I'm truly looking forward to it.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8493289
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 9:34 PM on Wednesday, January 8th, 2020

Started out as a child on trumpet and french horn. It taught me good fundamentals such as learning how to read music which came in handy later as a songwriter/musician.

I can listen to classical music for about twenty minutes before boredom/depression sets in. Must be linked to childhood issues.

All respect though to those composers. Some of them had crazy lives. Read some time about Franz Liszt - the first rock star.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8493301
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