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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 4:46 PM on Friday, May 8th, 2020

Thanks, your Gibson doesn't have a truss rod to fix the bowing/compensate for the pressure? I'm trying to master finger picking so a 12 string would be a bit too challenging for that! I'm not certain I would even want to attempt finger picking a 12 string

I help out on open-source projects to keep my coding skills in shape since I don't get to use them much at work. Though work does benefit from the cross pollination of concepts. Plus I enjoy it! My ex used to complain that I never volunteered, which was really I didn't do it like she did. For her it was always about splash and seeing her name up in lights. I submit code under a pseudonym.

I probably should try to find some shows to watch, but they have to be really good for me to binge watch and I keep myself busy enough already.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8540511
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 9:22 PM on Friday, May 8th, 2020

Thanks, your Gibson doesn't have a truss rod to fix the bowing/compensate for the pressure? I'm trying to master finger picking so a 12 string would be a bit too challenging for that! I'm not certain I would even want to attempt finger picking a 12 string

It does have a truss rod but it's so fragile that I need to take it to someone who knows what they're doing. Around here in "Mayberry RFD" there's no one I trust to do that. Bought a Van Halen Wolfgang electric last year and do most of my playing on that.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8540636
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 11:17 PM on Friday, May 8th, 2020

I almost bought a PRS 24 30th anniversary instead of the acoustic, but I really wanted something for around the campfire.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8540674
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 12:34 AM on Saturday, May 9th, 2020

I got a sweet deal recently on Craigslist on a Taylor 310ce. I have a Gibson Gospel dreadnought but it doesn't have a pickup and besides I take pretty good care of it and don't want to take it out of the house much.

I found a kid selling his Taylor on Craigslist for $300. Met him in a parking lot. It was pretty old. Filthy. Strings were ancient. Truss rod never adjusted. Frets caked in smegma. But underneath the coating of filth I could see a diamond. This was a very old Taylor, probably made by Mr. Taylor himself in his shop in Southern California.

Brought it home, cleaned it up, set up the action, new strings: voila! It has a lovely patina of age, sounds awesome, plays like new, but mellower than the new Taylors. And at only $300 I can take it everywhere and not worry about it.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8540685
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 12:50 AM on Saturday, May 9th, 2020

I almost bought a PRS 24 30th anniversary instead of the acoustic

Another member here in the Menz section has a Paul Reed Smith. Excellent guitar.

Frets caked in smegma.

What???

But underneath the coating of filth I could see a diamond.

The Gibson 12-string was given to me many years ago by a man in church. He said it had been sitting in the closet for years. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8540690
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 1:27 AM on Saturday, May 9th, 2020

Wow, what a score on the Taylor. I've never understood people who do not take care of their things. I get a little neglect when you are busy, but what you are describing is something way beyond that. Glad, it found a new home where someone will take care of it!

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8540694
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 6:58 AM on Saturday, May 9th, 2020

i've been doing okay, i guess. Lost my sense of smell, got tested AGAIN, test said negative, so I'm good.

Spent a lot of time in my workshop. Built a few things.

2x4 bench swing

4-way pressure panel clamps

white rock maple trimmed in black walnut, to act as a woodburning 'canvas'

falling asleep while I type this. Gotta go in to work tomorrow. Only 4.5 hours... that's my weekly shift. Hopefully unemployment comes through soon. I've lost almost 2 months of wages.

[This message edited by Incarnate at 1:30 AM, May 9th (Saturday)]

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8540745
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 7:33 AM on Saturday, May 9th, 2020

Nice work Incarnate! I like those clamps. Most of my woodworking has been with a chainsaw lately and in 16" increments. I really should save some logs for the mill, but all this is to make room to expand the workshop.

Glad to hear you are still safe.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8540748
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 1:53 AM on Monday, May 11th, 2020

So, like,five years ago, I put an alarm into my Google Calendar to go off today, to let me know that as of tomorrow, I'd have been married to my ex for half of my life. I'd completely forgotten about it.

It popped up on the tablet I was using to stream music into the backyard where the ex and my kids were hanging out. I got up to see what it was, and it kinda hit me, and it sort of pissed me off. Made sure not to show it, canceled the alarm, deleted the entry, and went back to what I was doing.

I wonder how many other irritating little things like that I've set up for myself over the years?

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8541114
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 6:51 AM on Monday, May 11th, 2020

Well, here's to a better second half of your life! It does get better with time.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8541159
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 11:20 PM on Monday, May 11th, 2020

Another member here in the Menz section has a Paul Reed Smith. Excellent guitar.

I do love my PRS. The tone on it is outstanding. My latest purchase is a BOSS ME-80 effects processor/foot pedal. Still need to break that in. Been so damn busy with work it is unreal.

Good to see an update or two from you, Incarnate! Glad you are keeping up with the woodworking. That seems like a therapeutic hobby for you.

I agree with HFOH. You have a lot to look forward in the 2nd half of your life, but I know you are a bit younger than me, so I'm hoping you have at least 2/3 of your life left! Enjoy it, man!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8541376
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 3:40 AM on Tuesday, May 12th, 2020

I do love my PRS. The tone on it is outstanding. My latest purchase is a BOSS ME-80 effects processor/foot pedal. Still need to break that in. Been so damn busy with work it is unreal.

I've been using a Waves GTR for the guitar. My latest purchase was to update Nexus which is a rompler that plays pre-fabricated sounds based on audio samples for keyboard work.

Good to know you are still around.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8541430
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 10:46 PM on Tuesday, May 12th, 2020

Thanks, Mr. K. Went through a pretty long and rough patch with my depression, but I'm coming out of it. Got back into IC, and all that fun stuff. Right now I'm just trying to focus on as many positives as I can. I'll have to look into the Nexus. That sounds cool!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8541648
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 3:48 AM on Wednesday, May 13th, 2020

Sorry to hear about your bout with depression. I seem to be perennially annoyed or pissed off at someone or something lately. Maybe that's my way of covering up my own depression. The Covid lockdown hasn't helped.

The Nexus app takes care of tweaking with filters and other things for you. I'm not good at dialing in the type of sounds I want on a synth. The whole switching back and forth between the creative side of the brain and then the technical is too exhausting for me.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8541746
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Brew3x ( member #72052) posted at 2:26 PM on Wednesday, May 13th, 2020

I’m going to see my WW for the first time in 2 months tomorrow. Long story short she took 6 month assignment in East Tx and was traveling back on weekends but covid and the travel restrictions stopped that. I’m really apprehensive about the trip. We’re trying to R maybe not there yet. I’ve accepted that I will be fine if things don’t work out between us but have this fear that when I get there either my W or myself might realize there’s nothing left to R. I’ve been doing really good healing with her gone but felt really upset last couple of days and wonder if it’s the trip causing it. Idk, I’m hoping for a successful reconnect but who knows.

Got the pool open a few days ago, a few plumbing issues but I think I can sort that out on my own. The water went from green to blue overnight with a hefty load of shock.

The garden is coming along, have some cool weather stuff planted and will put the tomatoes and other summer plants in when I return.

posts: 236   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2019   ·   location: MA
id 8541802
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Mr. Kite ( member #28840) posted at 2:23 AM on Thursday, May 14th, 2020

All the best to you Brew. Strength and courage.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what not to do.

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 8542116
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 2:55 AM on Thursday, May 14th, 2020

We’re trying to R maybe not there yet. I’ve accepted that I will be fine if things don’t work out between us but have this fear that when I get there either my W or myself might realize there’s nothing left to R. I’ve been doing really good healing with her gone but felt really upset last couple of days and wonder if it’s the trip causing it. Idk, I’m hoping for a successful reconnect but who knows.

You've found emotional peace in her absence. Thinking of seeing her makes you feel anxious. I think you know the answer. I think you've always known the answer. What you're hoping for is the same thing every BH wishes for: a return to the "before time", when infidelity was not a part of your relationship. At some point you'll accept the reality that the "before time" is permanently gone. You cannot "reconnect" with a cheater. R works if the cheater becomes somebody new, somebody you then meet and fall in a new kind of love with.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8542122
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 9:40 AM on Thursday, May 14th, 2020

I've started on a solid maple and cherry nightstand, I only have the top glued at the moment, and I've already made a few mistakes, but it's nothing I can't recover from.

In other news...

My ex's MLM business is imploding and I am terribly smug about it. I am, of course, keeping it to myself, no reason to sting the bear, but her top 5 'employees' have bailed on her. They've all either removed her or she has removed them... but none of them have removed me. I see their mini rants about her.

It is definitely at least a small amount of glorious.

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 8542177
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Brew3x ( member #72052) posted at 3:20 PM on Thursday, May 14th, 2020

ou've found emotional peace in her absence. Thinking of seeing her makes you feel anxious. I think you know the answer. I think you've always known the answer. What you're hoping for is the same thing every BH wishes for: a return to the "before time", when infidelity was not a part of your relationship. At some point you'll accept the reality that the "before time" is permanently gone. You cannot "reconnect" with a cheater. R works if the cheater becomes somebody new, somebody you then meet and fall in a new kind of love with.

The anxious feelings are more than just seeing her, there’s travel during covid, leaving the pets and house unattended, and yes the A related stress. I think in these uncertain times a little anxiety is warranted. By reconnect i didn’t mean wash away all her sins in a week and everything will be back to normal. I really meant just have a good week and enjoy each other’s company.

I’ve talked to several people that have successfully R’ed that said they often had feelings of fear and uncertainty during the process. I know things will never be as they were but if other people have reconciled there’s no reason we can’t. Tell me when you were 6 months out you had it all figured out.

posts: 236   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2019   ·   location: MA
id 8542238
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 3:56 PM on Thursday, May 14th, 2020

Tell me when you were 6 months out you had it all figured out.

I was a blubbering mess 6 months out. My wayward dumped me for her AP. It was around Christmas. Initially she said she would be moving into his place, but as January turned into February turned into March/April, it became clear that she wasn't taking steps to move. Meanwhile, she was still seeing him, and I was pathetically doing the pick-me dance even while I was dating somebody new. My life was a train wreck.

Around May I finally got my shit together and moved out, moved on with life. Best decision I ever made. My only regret is not moving out sooner. Now, I encourage other BH's to not live the train wreck that I lived.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8542250
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