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Friends with benefits. Good or bad?

WarehouseGuy posted 10/21/2019 18:43 PM


I may be looking at this before long and not really sure how to take it. How do you get around the emotional stuff?

whg

WhoTheBleep posted 10/21/2019 19:21 PM

That's a tough one for me. Physical touch and words of affirmation nearly tie as my top love languages (words of affirmation edges out touch)

I was able to do FWB in college, a lifetime ago.

I don't know if I could do it now...

From what I hear, it doesn't work out often. Someone always catches feelings. Are you open to that?

ibonnie posted 10/21/2019 20:07 PM

Keep it light -- hit it and quit it. Don't snuggle, avoid one on one dates. Hang out in group settings, have sex, enjoy it, and then be out.

Williesmom posted 10/21/2019 20:25 PM

It worked for me for several years. Luckily, no one ever caught feelings.

My advice: be open and honest with each other. Don't go out socially- that would be like a date.

Clearly communicate your expectations right from the start.

[This message edited by Williesmom at 9:38 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]

DevastatedDee posted 10/22/2019 07:23 AM

What worked for me was picking someone for that whom I would never want to date in a million years. Someone hot, but completely incompatible for a life together.

MamaDragon posted 10/22/2019 08:23 AM

I have had them in the past (between marriages). It was always someone I was friends with so there was trust, and while they are attractive physically they were not my "type" so to speak. So I was safe from any emotions merging in.

Luckily for me, the guys were able to keep feelings out of it too.

Just be sure you are mentally & emotionally ready for sex = my first time with someone other than my XH, I cried. Thankfully the guy I was with is a very dear friend and he knew what to do to help me over it.

jadedangel posted 10/22/2019 09:47 AM

I think communication would be key to FWB. Be upfront on what you are looking for and having boundaries. Like what has been suggested already, no one on one dates. Nothing romantic at all.

JanaGreen posted 10/23/2019 11:38 AM

Idk. I tried to do that and he's been my boyfriend for a year now.

I guess my advice is - sometimes you accidentally catch feelings.

Maudlin posted 10/23/2019 12:13 PM

What worked for me was picking someone for that whom I would never want to date in a million years. Someone hot, but completely incompatible for a life together.

******
Me too. The first time I tried it, we were very compatible emotionally and it did not work, I had to stop it and keep us just friends.

Currently there is an absolute sculpture of a man who is in no way someone Id ever date in a million years. I mean he is a decent guy, very focused on his kids who live with his ex and will be with him from next spring, but totally not someone I could ever fall for. And same for me, my liberal hippy ass is not for him. But man is it fun to have a fulfilling sexual partner who is only that!

WarehouseGuy posted 10/23/2019 21:55 PM

I'm worried about those feelings. I think that's what worries me the most. Don't really want to go there. Just me though. Maybe just don't want to get hurt again. IDK

whg

WhoTheBleep posted 10/24/2019 09:55 AM

I'm worried about those feelings. I think that's what worries me the most. Don't really want to go there. Just me though. Maybe just don't want to get hurt again. IDK

Have you been single all these years, since your divorce?

I certainly had those same fears. And I literally had to just dive right back in eventually, in spite of those fears. It's pretty terrifying, I agree.

Why don't you just be open to whatever? Do the friends with benefits thing if you want, but open yourself up to more possibilities with other women in the future. Dip your toes into dating. Just do it for fun with no real intentions. You never know who you might meet.

Hg65 posted 10/24/2019 12:46 PM

Hit it and quit it

Very good.

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