"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

AlphaSilvr posted 7/24/2019 12:38 PM

So, about 2 months ago (something like that) I told my ex I may move... she got a lawyer and is asking for a custody change. Understandable.

The moving fell through... so I asked the X if she really wanted to go to trial. She said she is going to see it through. My gut is screaming at me that she is up to something. Thing is, while I had the ability to go after her last year, I did not and I no longer have that ability. Now she is coming after me, and I feel absolutely screwed and once again feel like the universe hates me and maybe I am the one that did wrong and this is my Karma.

FamilyMan75 posted 7/24/2019 12:43 PM

If the circumstances haven't' changed, and the move isn't happening, when really I don't see custody changing unless there is something else. What does your lawyer say?

LilBlackCat posted 7/24/2019 13:32 PM

she got a lawyer and is asking for a custody change.

What is the agreement now, and what is she asking for?

AlphaSilvr posted 7/24/2019 14:06 PM

I can't afford a lawyer anymore and legal aid will only help Domestic Abuse cases because they have so many requests.

She asked for a change. I have seen nothing about what she actually wants to change it to yet.

EvenKeel posted 7/24/2019 15:16 PM

What is your agreement currently? Does it work?

So, about 2 months ago (something like that) I told my ex I may move... she got a lawyer and is asking for a custody change.

Does you visitation agreement currently address what happens if either parent moves? If not, maybe she wants to have this added since it was a consideration for your recently (even though it feel through).

I am with the others, unless something has drastically changed - I wouldn't think there is much grounds for modifying the original agreement if it is fair and both parents are healthy parents.

Unless there is more to this than you are able to disclose right now, I don't see what her angle or reasoning is?

I feel absolutely screwed and once again feel like the universe hates me

Why? Just because she is partitioning the court does not mean it will be granted. You can go to court and ask for lots of stuff.

(Case in point - my ex took me back for modification of CS. He wanted the CS reduced because one child aged out. What happened was his CS was raised. He pays more for one child than he did for two. See - you just never know what can happen.)

AlphaSilvr posted 7/24/2019 18:02 PM

No, its doesn't cover if one of us moves.

Its 50/50 custody right now, and I am sure she is trying for Full Custody but as I have not gotten any more paperwork other than the Petition for Modification, I don't know for sure what it is that she wants.

I am out of resources to fight, so I am at the whim of the courts (which I understand is how it is regardless...). I just hate feeling so powerless in everything.

EvenKeel posted 7/25/2019 07:26 AM

Its 50/50 custody right now, and I am sure she is trying for Full Custody

How is the 50/50 working? Are both sides utilizing their time fully?

Does the partition say she wants to modify the custody specifically or are you assuming that? Meaning, could this be a request to re-evaluate the actual CS?

When I got my notice it was very specific that it was to look at the CS and had forms attached to fill out, etc.

Did you try calling the offices to see if you can get more information of what she is seeking?

Catwoman posted 7/25/2019 08:46 AM

The Petition for Modification should indicate what she is asking the court to change.

If there is no significant material change, then her petition has no validity. By significant material change, that would be a move, one parent's income increasing appreciably, a child aging out of support, etc.

I would read the petition very carefully. It should indicate what she's looking for. You should also have a court date there as well.

Cat

Carissima posted 7/25/2019 09:54 AM

Could it have anything to do with you moving your recent girlfriend and her children in and out of your home recently. I believe they've recently moved out but were there for just over 1.5 months, were there any issues between your kids and hers, any conflicts etc?

Snapdragon posted 7/25/2019 09:59 AM

If I were her I would want to modify the language to INCLUDE what happens in the event of a parental location change that would make 50/50 custody unworkable. That would be quite reasonable given that you recently told her you would be moving.

WornDown posted 7/25/2019 11:07 AM

She asked for a change. I have seen nothing about what she actually wants to change it to yet.

Have you received any documents that she filed with the court yet? If not, stay calm until you do actually get some paperwork. My ex used to make statements like that all the time - it was just bullshit to get a response from me (or a threat to make me do what she wanted), but nothing ever happened.

Then, in order to make a major change in the custody arrangement (like going from 50/50 to sole custody), she will have to demonstrated a "significant change in circumstances." That's the legal term, and it's a pretty high bar.

You moving would met that requirement, her just wanting custody "because" doesn't.

So, until you get something official, make sure that you are following the existing agreement and spending all the time you are allowed with your kids. If she wants to "modify" things without going to court, tell her to pound sand.

AlphaSilvr posted 7/25/2019 20:34 PM

The only thing I have received is a Petition for Modification since I had stated moving was a possibility.
That is all it said.
I put in my answer that I was not moving, but I do believe we could look at the current schedule.

I am sure she is going for everything she can because she is that kind of person and is very money motivated.

homewrecked2011 posted 7/25/2019 20:43 PM

I’m not an expert, but it seems as though she only had you served with part of the paperwork.

I think you can go to the courthouse, give the clerk of the court the case #, and they will give you a copy of the whole file— that is everything they are petitioning for.

Then you’ll know how to proceed. But again, I’m not an expert, but I think this is something that is done regularly.

josiep posted 7/28/2019 18:20 PM

Are you in counseling? I think it would be a good idea to find a counselor to help you navigate all this.

Or a support group of some sort.

And it would also be helpful to listen to podcasts or Youtube videos about the things you've been through and find ways to help yourself begin to heal and start on the path to your new life. It would also be helpful to you to listen to parenting talks to help you help your children, as I'm sure this has all been very, very difficult for them, too.

You feel like you're being slammed around by life but the truth is, you need to take control of it and no one can do that for you.

That said, what things are you actively doing to make your tomorrows better than your today?

AlphaSilvr posted 8/1/2019 11:22 AM

Thank you, everyone.

Yes, I am in IC and GC.
I am switching IC though (first appt was today) because my old IC was 30 miles away and I just couldn't take the drive anymore even though she is awesome.

As far a custody and what she is asking, I will try and get to the court house, because I don't know. I was served by the Sheriff so I just assumed it was everything.

I found out the XWW is into hard drugs and have called DHS this week. Her BF also keep harassing me every time we exchange kids, so I finally talked to an officer today.

I bought a dash cam to try and record anything he does and/or says. I am hoping all of this will be brought to the judge's attention when we have the hearing for custody.

Its been a long few weeks and the next few months look even worse.

Thank you, all, for the support.

EvenKeel posted 8/1/2019 14:38 PM

Her BF also keep harassing me every time we exchange kids, so I finally talked to an officer today.

When there are such things going on they recommend doing child exchanges in the parking lot of the police barracks. At least that is what they have us do in my area. The area is covered by cameras and help is very close by if something escalates.

Try calling the Courthouse before you run down there. They may be able to tell you or email the information to you.

AlphaSilvr posted 8/1/2019 15:38 PM

We meet at the police station, its part of our stipulation.

shakentocore posted 8/1/2019 17:48 PM

If you meet at the police station, go early and ask the officer to be out when your XW arrives. The entire point of having police station exchanges are to prevent harassment and bullying. Remain calm. Maybe go inside with the kids if that is possible.

Sometimes there is someone at the courthouse who can help you with paperwork.

Can you even talk to a lawyer on a pay-for-service schedule? Does your employer offer a lawyer service plan (ARAG is one of them)?

You can also call a DV shelter and explain that your children are exposed to drugs and ask them if they have any resources that can help you.

AlphaSilvr posted 8/5/2019 11:20 AM

Its at the Police Station and when I dropped off the kids yesterday I asked for officer presence. I also called to report the harassment her BF gives every time he is with. The officer called them to tell them it would be best he not come with.

Between that and the officer, she showed up and was fuming. She was pissed. I am going to have an officer there for the foreseeable future.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/7/2019 17:21 PM

Good idea!