SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes. I'm certain of it in fact. I know I could have prevented it and didn't act.

RIO - what kind of super power do you possess to be able to prevent your wife's affairs? Vulcan mind meld? Cone of silence? Chastity belt? Jedi mind tricks? Time stone? Asking for a friend...

I am convinced that my wife would have cheated no matter who she married because she is a broken mess. There was nothing I could do to prevent it because all of her affairs were done in secret and hiding. Never suspected a thing until I caught her in the last one...but I would like to have that special affair prevention super power to head it off at the pass...

I think the blame needs to go to her. Not you...not her AP, but her. She was the one that killed her vows. Not some trickster or PUA. If she had been protecting the marriage with proper boundaries, you wouldn't be here.

RIO - what kind of super power do you possess to be able to prevent your wife's affairs? Vulcan mind meld? Cone of silence? Chastity belt? Jedi mind tricks? Time stone? Asking for a friend...

Tell your friend that I, too, think an actively engaged, vigilant partner can preempt a betrayal. Not giving the Wayward a pass here. Just saying that the straying partner might be a canary in the coal mine.

ETA: I know; flies in the face of SI ideology.

[This message edited by NotTheManIwas at 4:24 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)]

Rio- that last post sounds astoundingly like you are saying “If I stay married then I get sex easier than going out and finding it” I don’t think you really mean that but I didn’t want to leave that thought unchecked? sometimes I think you are getting better and others I really do wonder if it was a deal breaker for you but you can’t accept it?

Tell your friend that I, too, think an actively engaged, vigilant partner can preempt a betrayal

I am sure this may true, but what a way to live huh? Heaven forbid you fall down on the job, let your vigilance slip just a bit. have your own issues and disengage for a short while. Just one lapse and BAM she’s on some strangers dick.

I remember telling my wife after Dday something along the lines of: “I know that I was far from perfect as a husband but the idea is supposed to be that when one of us stumbles the other picks them up. Not when one of us stumbles the other walks the fuck away.”

Over a long enough continuum I am going to be a shitty husband more than once, she is gonna be a shitty wife more than once. The idea of the commitment is that we carry each other through these rough patches. Otherwise what was all that hullabaloo of a wedding all about? We would just be people hanging out together for as long as it’s convenient.

Tell your friend that I, too, think an actively engaged, vigilant partner can preempt a betrayal.

So if I put her in a cage and lock it while I am away, what happens if I forget to lock it, she gets out and there is some guy that just accidentally falls into her vagina? Am I then to blame? That is ridiculous...I thought the unfaithful partner was always responsible for their affairs 100%. I won't be willing to take any of the blame, nor would my friend...

Tell your friend that I, too, think an actively engaged, vigilant partner can preempt a betrayal.

Alright, fellas, I knew I'd draw fire for this. Not disagreeing with the notion that the cheater assumes all the blame. All I'm saying is that if I'm better at this, the risk goes down.

There are things I've learned here and on (heaven forbid) a MarriedRedPill site that have resonated with me. Nix CoDependancy; Nix the neediness; Increase self worth. Irony of ironies, this place and the other that I visit have some of the same reading material on the syllabus. (OMG, right?) This place promotes some of the same things a Red Pill site does? Answer... yes.

Not a popular reality to absorb and embrace. But it be true.

ETA:

“I know that I was far from perfect as a husband but the idea is supposed to be that when one of us stumbles the other picks them up. Not when one of us stumbles the other walks the fuck away.”

I'd never argue this point with you. Told my own cheater "Lookey here, wifey, when I married, I'd hoped I'd be with a woman who built me up instead of tearing me down. What might've I accomplished with that kind of strength buttressing my efforts, ya know?"

Whatever... I'm responsible for me. I get that now.

[This message edited by NotTheManIwas at 6:41 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)]

Rio- that last post sounds astoundingly like you are saying “If I stay married then I get sex easier than going out and finding it” I don’t think you really mean that but I didn’t want to leave that thought unchecked? sometimes I think you are getting better and others I really do wonder if it was a deal breaker for you but you can’t accept it?

Not at all what I meant to imply. Just that finding sex with someone new would be an effort. Not that R isn't (it's much more effort, in fact) or even staying M isn't (also, more effort), just to illustrate the point that "new sex" doesn't rain from the sky for me. If I want it, I'd have to actively pursue it and try to get it, not wait around, and/or just live my life how I'm living it now. I'd never have sex again if that were the case.

On the last point. I don't think so. I hope not. But.. Who knows until you know, right? I don't feel that way though, at least not today.

There are things I've learned here and on (heaven forbid) a MarriedRedPill site that have resonated with me. Nix CoDependancy; Nix the neediness; Increase self worth. Irony of ironies, this place and the other that I visit have some of the same reading material on the syllabus. (OMG, right?) This place promotes some of the same things a Red Pill site does? Answer... yes.

Not a popular reality to absorb and embrace. But it be true.

No, a lot of that stuff is getting into more of the bullshit area of the manosphere.

Maybe It's A Wonderful Life would have been more realistic if Donna Reed had stepped out on Jimmy Stewart once the $8K went missing, huh?

In the manosphere, women are either without agency and inevitably can be bedded through properly applied "game", or they are shit-testing bitches who will betray you at the first sign of weakness. This is not reality.

My ex did what she did to me out of her own narcissism. A script running inside her head. My input was more or less irrelevant. Different guy, she would have found different facts to pick on. I was there.

Now my ex is no dumb bunny. She could run circles around me strategically. Course, she's willing to do things I will not do out of morality. But as far as cleverness goes, I invite any man here to take his chances. Good luck.

If women have to be constantly "gamed" to stay in a marriage, marriage doesn't exist. Whether you have a piece of paper or not. No man can be constantly on top of things, no matter what a bunch of guys on the internet tell you.

. No man can be constantly on top of things, no matter what a bunch of guys on the internet tell you.

Which is why "married game" is the "masters class". It's very, very difficult. It's far easier to be the guy (AP) who swoops in with good lines and good logistics and snags a new woman. In fact, most of the men in those communities "give up" on marriage because they realize "there's no way I can keep this up" and, the moment they slip, there's OM kicking new/good game to the wife. And then they wind up here.. It's my story, in a nutshell, and I'm sure others as well. No, I didn't frequent the sites that exist now, I read books and studied it when I was in my late teens. Got married and "started slipping". No, it's not my fault, that's not what I'm saying at all, but it's also very difficult to keep up that facade long term. Something I probably should have considered more seriously before marriage.

No man can be constantly on top of things, no matter what a bunch of guys on the internet tell you.

And that's your truth. If you are fortunate enough to live it, tip of the hat to you. My experience is that you are in the minority.

In the manosphere, women are either without agency and inevitably can be bedded through properly applied "game", or they are shit-testing bitches who will betray you at the first sign of weakness. This is not reality.

That's also where I part ways with red pill philosophy. It paints every relationship as an endless zero-sum power struggle in which your woman is, for one reason or another, someone who must be dominated and kept under control because if she isn't, she'll cheat on you, divorce you, take all your money, and take the kids too.

I married when I was very young and inexperienced. The more grown up, the more assertive, and the more self-assured I became, the more my exWW pulled away from me. She didn't want a man who took charge and didn't put up with any bullshit, she wanted a subordinate who did what she told him to. Her AP perfectly reflects that desire. He's younger than me, less educated than me, poorer than me, and he's shorter, less fit, and not as good looking as I am. Hell, he was living with his parents up until exWW sneaked him into our home during the separation. Basically, she was looking for a return to the days when I was nothing but her "yes man" and he fit the bill. In many ways, she's the total opposite of what TRP insists that women are and what women are looking for.

When looking at TRP, what I see is basically a few pearls of wisdom in a field of shit.

[This message edited by firenze at 8:24 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)]

Wow! Gone for 2 days and I'm lost. There's no way I can catch up, so I'll start over.

I think my fch's A could've been prevented if we were living together. But, that doesn't mean I think I could've prevented it. It just never would've happened. Who knows if another opportunity would've presented itself at another time.

Thing is, I was living without him, too, and I didn't cheat, and believe me, I had plenty of opportunities.

If someone is going to cheat, they're going to cheat no matter what anyone else does or doesn't do. They will find a way.

I don't think it has anything to do with reliability.

It's almost always about money.

Many wives (since we are talking about choosing husbands) like the convenience and financial stability of having a husband.

It's disgusting but many wives want to stay married to a man who will enable them to have access to a lot of money without having to work or to earn much money if they do work.

Some women marry for money but become bored and want a sexual partner outside of the marriage. They want their husband to provide the funds to let them live above what they could earn while looking to find a sexual partner outside of the marriage.

It's not necessarily about reliability - it's about money.

All right, RIO, here's my perspective as a woman who enjoyed casual sex plenty about this red pill be an asshole to get laid stuff.

If I ran into a hot guy who was an asshole, I probably would have been faster to just fuck him for my own enjoyment and hope he didn't call afterwards unless it was for another such adventure.

If I met a guy I was attracted to who wasn't an asshole, I'd want to talk to him and get to know him as well because this person might be better than just to be used for sexual gratification. I may want to date that guy. That guy is a full-fledged person I respect.

So yes, asshole gets laid faster because I'd just be using him for fun and wouldn't want to waste a whole lot of time talking for no purpose. Good guy also gets laid and probably better and more thoroughly laid, but it isn't as instantaeous.

It’s disgusting but many wives want to stay married to a man who will enable them to have access to a lot of money without having to work or to earn much money if they do work.

I don’t think it’s “disgusting” when that dynamic allows said woman to mother her young children rather than outsource the raising of them. JMHO.

Ya know it wasn't THAT long ago that woman weren't permitted to work outside of the home.

Now that we can, those who chose to stay home and raise their children are looked down upon as being lazy, don't want to work and "disgusting"...

Can't bloody well win.

So yes, asshole gets laid faster because I'd just be using him for fun and wouldn't want to waste a whole lot of time talking for no purpose. Good guy also gets laid and probably better and more thoroughly laid, but it isn't as instantaeous.

Thank you for your honesty. But while I think that's incredibly refreshing, it's also illustrative of "the problem". I wanted to be the guy who got "laid fast". But I didn't want to "asshole my way there", I wanted women to want to sleep with me when they met me because they were attracted to me. Once I realized that "assholes finish first", I adjusted my script with women to mimic that because, in fact, that's what I most wanted from the relationships (easy and fast sex). I have no doubt this also accounts for a lot of A behavior, you know (a WW) you're sleeping with an "asshole" so you might as well give him your asshole. But wait a minute, why are you sleeping with assholes in the first place?!? Especially when you claim to dislike people who act like that? Why are assholes getting the "most rewarded"? And regardless of the answer, the fact is, they are the ones "most rewarded" and, well, incentives work. Fuck me like I'm the last penis on earth if I act like an asshole and guess what you'll get? More assholes.

I don’t think it’s “disgusting” when that dynamic allows said woman to mother her young children rather than outsource the raising of them. JMHO.

Nope, it's still disgusting. Using a man for access to children is just as bad as using him to sit at home and watch TV all day. There's nothing wrong with staying home to mother young children, but marrying or staying married to man for "access to lots of money" is as repugnant as it gets to me. It's prostitution with a better PR rep.

Now that we can, those who chose to stay home and raise their children are looked down upon as being lazy, don't want to work and "disgusting"...

Ask yourself why this happened. And why the script has changed so dramatically. I'll give you a hint, while feminism will claim "victory" for getting women into the workforce (and they certainly deserve some, especially in equalizing pay) that's not the real answer. The real answer is far more insidious; simply put.. Taxes. It's difficult/impossible to tax labor that doesn't have $$ associated with it. FAR better for a woman to go to work, pay income tax, and then, with that taxed money, pay someone else to watch their kids who then ALSO pays income tax than to have someone stay home and watch them. 1/2 the country was effectively "tax free" by birthright before women's liberation really got into full swing. That situation has been "resolved" and now everyone works for money, pays taxes on that money, and hands that money to other people who then also pay taxes on it. Think about the swing in revenue that's caused the government! It's immense, using simple/round numbers, if my W goes to work earning 100K a year instead of staying home, that's about 30K in income tax she pays. Out of the 70K left, she gives 50K of it to daycare/babysitters who then give about 15K of that to the government as tax. What was a 0 (stay at home parent) now becomes a 45K tax gain for the government. There are a lot of people out there with jobs that do nothing more than cover childcare, they work to pay the babysitter/daycare. While personal reasons may vary, the net result to tax revenues is a boondoggle of the highest magnitude.

[This message edited by Rideitout at 11:01 AM, May 8th (Wednesday)]

But wait a minute, why are you sleeping with assholes in the first place?!? Especially when you claim to dislike people who act like that? Why are assholes getting the "most rewarded"? And regardless of the answer, the fact is, they are the ones "most rewarded" and, well, incentives work. Fuck me like I'm the last penis on earth if I act like an asshole and guess what you'll get? More assholes.

Because I was selfishly looking out for my own desires, lol. I would use an asshole for sex in a second. Which kind of made me an asshole too. Assholes may be the problem on both sides.

If assholes are the only ones sleeping with assholes, that's not much of a problem, actually. The problem comes in when assholes are being assholes with good people. Hence my not being an asshole with good people whom I respected. I wouldn't have pretended to want more than sex with a player, but I would not appreciate a player pretending to be a good person whom I might want to get to know just to get laid. That whole pretending thing just gets confusing and hurtful.

If I ran into a hot guy who was an asshole, I probably would have been faster to just fuck him for my own enjoyment and hope he didn't call afterwards unless it was for another such adventure.

If I met a guy I was attracted to who wasn't an asshole, I'd want to talk to him and get to know him as well because this person might be better than just to be used for sexual gratification. I may want to date that guy. That guy is a full-fledged person I respect.

In my anecdotal experience this dialectic is fairly common among single women. What women may not know is that this is often a way to turn off the ones you are genuinely attracted to. The dating equivalent of feeling like a "Plan B". A man considering taking a relationship to the level of commitment and marriage wants to feel a few things for the woman. Among those is the sense that she is very attracted to him sexually. Too much hesitation and delay early in the meeting phase will cement in place the impression that the woman isn't really into him sexually. He may date her for a time, but he is less likely to make a long-term commitment to her.