Thanks Ashes. It was supposed to be posted on 19 so here it is again.
First of all, you are all strangers and sisters to me at the same time. I want to thank all of you for your posts. When I found this SI forum, I could not believe there were so many women that had gone through what I was going through. You were and are life savers! I really thought I was alone.
A quick funny that you will all probably understand: Over the years, I remember occasionally watching a Dr Phil show about women who were married to “Sex Addicts” and apparently had no idea. I would literally laugh and talk to the TV, “Whatever, dumb bitch, any woman would know!” I mean “I was a normal” wife and my H would NEVER do that! My H would NEVER do anything to hurt me because WE had a great marriage. And if he did? I WOULD KNOW! Wow! I would really love to hug those poor women right now.
Ok, I tend to ramble so be prepared for a long post.
I’m glad you’re back Lionne! However, I wish we were on a “sharing new recipes” forum instead of this one. I’m so sorry for what you are going through AGAIN! On that note, I’ve noticed many of you have had more than one Dday. Compared to the shock and devastation of the first one, does it hurt as much? Did any of you prepare yourself just in case? How are you able to stay after the 3rd or 4th Dday?
Next week will be 6 months since my Dday. I thought I was literally dying inside. I found out about prostitutes and massage parlors. With more detective work, I found out he went to a massage parlor the day after Superbowl last year. Anyway, just another Anniversary coming up that I can look forward to. How do all of you handle the “anniversaries”?
I keep reading all of your posts and how so many of you are in R but still struggling. My problem: He will not tell me the truth! He has no idea that I know about the prostitutes and the massage parlors. I have asked him 6 times but he lies, lies and lies. He will only admit to Porn every night (365) and going to around 50 bikini coffee stands in the last 5 years. I even asked him if he thinks he has a problem with porn and he says, “Nope, not doing it anymore”. He tells me he is fine and does not want to talk about it. He says, “We just need to move on and get past this”. I asked him if he still has “young girl” fantasies and he said, “I’m trying to put those aside”.
Well, after asking and asking and not getting the truth, I will not ask again! I know for sure that he will never admit he has a problem and will NEVER get any help!
I occasionally feel sorry for my WH too. I’m sorry that he will someday realize that he lost the most awesome wife/best friend he could ever have. He lost my family who loved him deeply. But, most important, he is losing the one person who loved him more than anyone in this world. I think he will actually “get it” when all of it is gone. Yes, I feel sorry for him.
I DO have an EXIT plan. I am giving him ONE YEAR from my Dday to come clean and tell me the truth. If he doesn’t, I am going to confront him and show him the proof of what he did. Like some of you, I do not have the energy to “babysit” and check up on him for the rest of my life. I refuse to wonder every day if he is cheating or wonder every day if he is looking at porn.
Questions for those of you who are trying to R:
1.How are some of you able to stay married knowing you will never be able to completely trust him again?
2.If you are having sex with him, are you worried he might do “something” that might give you an STD?
3.How often do you think about what he did to you?
4.I asked him, “Why do you want to be with ME? Why did you want to marry me? Why didn’t you just leave me if that’s what you wanted? Have any of you asked these questions? Did you get an answer?
5.A lot of you are in R with IC’s, SA counseling, etc. Your WS’s are doing the work. If my WH refuses to even tell me the truth and will never admit he has a problem, how in the world will we ever be able to start any type of R?
MY LAST QUESTION FOR TONIGHT: Depending on what happens do any of you have an extra bedroom you could rent out? I’m asking for “a friend”.