Newest Member: Qashess

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread-Part 33

Topic is Sleeping.
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william ( member #41986) posted at 10:33 AM on Tuesday, August 14th, 2018

Tbkjcn -

I live in Germany. Job permits can be tricky here.

For instance

1: you can only workna civilian job with NATO or USA military if you apply while in the USA.

2: when you apply for a job in Germany while in the usa your job needs to be defined in such a way that no German can do it.

3: if you come and establish residency for a few months then you can apply for and get work permission papers. Usually they are restricted at first and over years are relaxed.

4: it and tech jobs are more relaxed requirements.

5: most companies can get around #2 by custom fitting a job based on your precise skills if they really want you.

6: big companies run the govt here. A Daimler, for instance, can cut through any and all red tape.

As to German groups - if you use steam for video games find a co-op group out of Germany (easy if you set server you play on) and go on mic with them. Easy way to brush up on the German in a fun way... . more than welcome to join mine in vermintide. if you send me a pm ill give you my s/n.

[This message edited by william at 10:51 AM, August 14th (Tuesday)]

me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys

posts: 2162   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2014
id 8228741
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 3:42 PM on Wednesday, August 15th, 2018

I live in Germany

Thanks for the insight from someone who's BTDT, william. I went to university there in the mid eighties on a student visa. Which can probably still be had by showing up at the office with a passport and getting it and a couple forms gestempelt. I knew the process was a lot easier if you were already in Germany on the three-month visa-free tourist period, but I wasn't aware that applying via a consulate in the US was restricted to military contractor jobs. Not what I'm after... I'm in IT, specifically service provider networks. Numbers 2 through 6 are pretty universal, I think. Yes, they have to try and hire someone already there (citizen, work permit holder, whatever) before bringing in someone new, but if we write the job so only one person in the world fits, you're in. And if we're big enough then all the red tape magically melts away. Some things are pretty much the same the world round.

if you use steam for video games

I dream of having enough free time for things like video games

So that this is slightly on topic, so far as the LTA vs ONS debate goes, my thoughts as yet another who had a whole heaping helping of both flavors of shit, I think the consensus of the last few posters that they both suck and you can't call one worse than the other is pretty much right on. I rarely found myself thinking "it would all be OK, if only she hadn't fucked that one guy for three years" or "I could get over it, if it only weren't for all the random internet strangers she blew in the Walmart parking lot." Shit is shit and they both leave a real bad aftertaste.

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 9:43 AM, August 15th (Wednesday)]

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8229748
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william ( member #41986) posted at 4:34 PM on Thursday, August 16th, 2018

Here the ties between business and government are more 'direct'. In america you call your congressman who calls your govt agency (or at least you talk to a liaison that does). In Germany the company just cals the govt agency direct and gives its orders without the middleman.

I've seen mind boggling stuff of companies calling for 'favors' politely requested but closer to orders. I remember once a company calling the German equal to the CIA and wanting to know 'immediately' if local protest in Argentina had closed the road from an airport to a factory and the govt agency leaping to find out.

----

Yeah.

Each of her affairs has its own little particular burn.

Literally moving the car seat to fuck him in the back seat, wearing the wedding ring, and "never" thought wtf or of me or our daughter. The long nights spent "working" that were really about hanging with him trying to get him bed. The tears of my daughter as I told her momma has to work on this project and its OK when it wasn't OK or work.

Coming home after getting a tattoo (it's own reminder in and of its self which we are going to get removed at massive cost which is in itself a wtf our vacation money is going to remove THAT) and a fuck and suck with the dude cumming all over her face. Home to greet us, show off the tattoo, and to kiss me and the daughter.

Lta having secret rings and pretending they were married, him coming in our house while I was out of town, meeting my daughter, eating dinner as if they were family but pretending he was a "old friend", fucking on our now thrown away couch and bed, and sleeping on my pillow. Each time she chose to go there and no home, lying to me, me passing her lies onto our daughter and justifying them because I was naive.

Going to the bathroom to take nude photos so she could sext right beside me on the couch. Literally.

That she could get by on 2-3 hrs sleep a night for months on end to conduct an affair but can't stay up one night later with me without being tired and wanting to go to bed instead.

Which hurts worse? Idk. They all do. And they all piss me off too.

I think sometimes specific things done or not done are the ones that leave the deepest wounds. An lta can provide more time for more assholery but it is astounding how much assholery can fit into a ons. Sometimes just as much or even more.

I think the expectations and views we had of our WS pre a are important to how deep it hurts too. The higher the pedestal... .

also some WS seem much more malicious in how they go about an affair. The ones that blatantly continue the a after d-day make me cringe, for example. Not even shame or regret or anything but a middle finger defiance.

[This message edited by william at 10:44 AM, August 16th (Thursday)]

me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys

posts: 2162   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2014
id 8230616
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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 5:09 AM on Saturday, August 18th, 2018

Not to change topics or anything and sorry for the Tred jack, but our daughter had our second grand baby today. He was a week early, but healthy and all that shit. Kind of a segue here, but today is also exactly a month since we put our lab down. So Los, guess we ran out of time to have a beer with Tallis and Koda.

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5786   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 8231760
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 4:57 PM on Saturday, August 18th, 2018

Tred - Congrats on the grandson!

My son and I are attending a Slayer concert tonight, but once I get home, I will raise one of my finest glasses to Tallis. I am sorry for your loss, my friend.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8231923
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 6:44 PM on Saturday, August 18th, 2018

Nah. Scratch that. I am going to raise a beer for Tallis at the Slayer concert.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8231984
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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 8:04 PM on Saturday, August 18th, 2018

Much appreciated Los. He was a good friend. Heart of a champ.

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

posts: 5786   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2011
id 8232018
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 8:38 PM on Saturday, August 18th, 2018

Hey, congratulations, Tred! A grandchild - much more fun and much less hassle than a child.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26045   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8232037
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mantorok ( member #65439) posted at 10:12 PM on Saturday, August 18th, 2018

Hi guys

I'm new here. From the UK if that's any interest. Didn't realise this thread existed. Just popped in to say hi.

I'm feeling particularly happy today as my wife got served papers.

Like I said new to the club that I never thought I would be a member of.

Please to meet you all.

BH:40
WW:38
DDay: Jul 2018
D in progress

posts: 160   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2018
id 8232068
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 1:30 AM on Sunday, August 19th, 2018

Congrats on the new grandson, Tred. That's awesome news.

today is also exactly a month since we put our lab down.

I'm sorry to hear that. A couple weeks ago was a year since I had to let Harley go, still miss him, and so does his sister. Losing a good dog sucks.

Mantorok, welcome, pull up a chair, take a load off. New guy brings the beer.

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8232116
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 12:53 PM on Sunday, August 19th, 2018

Welcome, Mantorok. Very sorry for the reason you're here. Given that scenario, it's a good place to be. I like my beer cold.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4663   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8232240
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 3:15 PM on Sunday, August 19th, 2018

I understand, Tred. I did hoist a beer to him last night. I have a few dogs that have crossed that bridge, and I hope wherever they are, they are keeping good company with Tallis.

Pleased to meet you, mantorok! I have been around here for quite some time, and I have yet to serve papers. That is coming soon. You are one step ahead of me in that regard. Cheers!

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8232277
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STBXH ( member #60824) posted at 12:17 AM on Monday, August 20th, 2018

Mantorok, welcome....All these guys here are great and have helped me through some dark moments. I like Guiness just under room temp.

William

Each of her affairs has its own little particular burn.

Literally moving the car seat to fuck him in the back seat, wearing the wedding ring, and "never" thought wtf or of me or our daughter.

CHECK

Coming home after getting a tattoo (it's own reminder in and of its self which we are going to get removed at massive cost which is in itself a wtf our vacation money is going to remove THAT) and a fuck and suck with the dude cumming all over her face. Home to greet us, show off the tattoo, and to kiss me and the daughter.

CHECK

Each time she chose to go there and no home, lying to me, me passing her lies onto our daughter and justifying them because I was naive.

CHECK

Going to the bathroom to take nude photos so she could sext right beside me on the couch. Literally.

CHECK

That she could get by on 2-3 hrs sleep a night for months on end to conduct an affair but can't stay up one night later with me without being tired and wanting to go to bed instead.

CHECK

I think sometimes specific things done or not done are the ones that leave the deepest wounds.

CHECK

I think the expectations and views we had of our WS pre a are important to how deep it hurts too. The higher the pedestal...

...AND CHECK

I would like to conduct a survey here and see just how similar these bahaviors are with all WS. Everything you said closely resembles what I and many others are going thru with some eerie similarities. At least we got this thread.

BH (me) 40 something
WW same
DD 12 DS 9


“The person that can fuck someone else, gaslight and lie to your face about it, is the very same person that cannot understand the soul crushing devastation you face at the revelation of their actions.” —me

posts: 324   ·   registered: Sep. 28th, 2017
id 8232431
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OrdinaryDude ( member #55676) posted at 4:06 AM on Tuesday, August 21st, 2018

Hey gentz...checking in, it’s been a while.

William, I lived outside Stuttgart once upon a time when I was a young lad in the US military, got to see the Berlin Wall come down while I was there. It was quite a time.

——————-

My WW’s EAs were with church leaders, blew those up really bad too.

Let’s just say she lives her life on a very short leash, and I keep my Sunday’s for myself these days, I have better things to do than listen to somebody run off at the mouth for two hours and who could end up being AP#4. No thanks.

We are starting year three from this last dday, and I can’t say how recovery is going. Treading water maybe?

I don’t know, maybe it’s that we’ve moved and we are both working a lot, but I have not seen much change lately, nothing bad or wayward, but no real positive change either.

I think it’s time to get her into a real qualified IC.

Me - BH 50+
Her - WW 50+
Married 30+ years, 2 adult kids
(1989) PA Rug-Swept
(2002) EA Rug-Swept
(2016) EA *Getting Out Of Infidelity*

**Working at Reconciling**

posts: 3368   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2016   ·   location: The Big Easy
id 8233162
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william ( member #41986) posted at 4:13 PM on Tuesday, August 21st, 2018

Yeah, I can understand why you'd be disillusioned with church and I bet it would be triggery as all hell too. The band genesis song "Jesus knows me" banned? I'm not trying to be flippant, I tend to use a deprecating humor when shit is grim. Whistle on the way up the scaffold, wave to the crowd, and TUP the hangman sorta thing.

For us its no more bars, sold our car and using mass transit instead, few if any gno, and I gotta admit I'm much less tolerant if her bullshit. Everyone has a certain amount of bullshit that is tolerated if you like or love them or have to (work, etc) - but my tolerance for hers is WAY less than it used to be and I doubt id ever get back to even accepting half of what I used too. That ship sailed and won't ever return.

So yeah I can appreciate your Sunday point of view.

I think, not 100% sure but think, that patch barracks is the only army base of any size left near stuttgart. Not so much army left in germany now. And thats neither U.S. nor German army, lol.

me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys

posts: 2162   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2014
id 8233404
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OrdinaryDude ( member #55676) posted at 9:59 PM on Tuesday, August 21st, 2018

I’m pretty sure the US turned over all bases to the German government, though they may have some offices left there.

Me - BH 50+
Her - WW 50+
Married 30+ years, 2 adult kids
(1989) PA Rug-Swept
(2002) EA Rug-Swept
(2016) EA *Getting Out Of Infidelity*

**Working at Reconciling**

posts: 3368   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2016   ·   location: The Big Easy
id 8233630
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william ( member #41986) posted at 10:35 PM on Tuesday, August 21st, 2018

Patch is definitely still around and has at least 4 schools for dependants still so its still active and 'large'. panzer is pretty mothballed now I think as is kelley. Mannheim has a few bases around still. I think at least one of those is pretty active. There are still about 30k us troops here.

Nothing like back on the 80s and 90s tho. Less bases and fewer people on them. I hear the gear (tanks, etc) is still there but the people would get flown in at need.

My uncle was in Germany for the army about when you were. Great grandparents in army, grandparents in navy, y 5 uncles in army, and I went in marines. I STILL get crap from them for it. Service rivalry is alive :))

[This message edited by william at 4:36 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys

posts: 2162   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2014
id 8233642
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OrdinaryDude ( member #55676) posted at 3:12 AM on Wednesday, August 22nd, 2018

Yeah Patch had th high school for the whole Stuttgart area when I was there.

I’d like to go back for a visit some day, and take our grown kids to show them where we lived before they were born.

I worked on the Nellingen barracks, but lived off base with the wife.

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 9:13 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

Me - BH 50+
Her - WW 50+
Married 30+ years, 2 adult kids
(1989) PA Rug-Swept
(2002) EA Rug-Swept
(2016) EA *Getting Out Of Infidelity*

**Working at Reconciling**

posts: 3368   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2016   ·   location: The Big Easy
id 8233765
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 1:13 PM on Wednesday, August 22nd, 2018

STBX is reading here now, and this is no longer a safe site for me to post during this particular juncture in my life. Catch you later, Gents. No worries. I will be back with the beer once the D is final.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8233950
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WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 1:37 PM on Wednesday, August 22nd, 2018

Losfer -

Become the sub.

Go silent. Go swiftly. Go deadly.

C'mon back when the smoke clears.

Me: BH (49)exW (49): Way too many guys to countThree kids (D22, D21, S18)Together 25 years, married 18Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3351   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8233959
Topic is Sleeping.
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