SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'll tap up to that...

<chug chug chug>

If it means anything, I think I classified myself as 'recovered' on sort of the same basis you're talking about, tbkjcn - absence of pain, no longer thinking about the A, seeing my W without thinking 'She tore my heart out' - just a whole lot of ...IDK... 'so be it; it's done.'

losfer - that sounds pretty traumatic. Definitely a potential source of nightmare material.

ETA: Another post in a different forum reminded me that my W's PA started the night of August 9/10 in 2010.

I hadn't thought of that since a post reminded me of the same thing last year.

We'll see how I feel about it in 2 days.

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:50 PM, August 7th (Tuesday)]

Love these threads for Betrayed Menz...been lurking in the shadows on this site and these threads for months and just signed up.

I really appreciate you Menz, and a place to get the male viewpoint on the table and even have a few laughs. Love the memes, the banter, and of course, the fart jokes.

My STBX got a job yesterday. A decently paying one, with excellent benefits. This is what I have been waiting on to file. FUCK YES. I am so fucking happy right now. Cheers, you guys! Good to see you stolenyears! Happy Friday, Gents!

stolenyears, getting out of my own past shitstorm it was the humor that had me smiling at the end like Peter Gibbons in Office Space saying "Fuckin' A"

Losfer, great to hear the pieces are falling in place for you to put you closer to freedom. I gotta say "Fuckin' A"!

Glad to hear that Los!

Welcome stolenyears...new guys bring the beer.

Losfer -

Does your STBX know you are planning on filing?

Or are you just going to slip that stiletto in her ribs? That would be awesome!

I did something similar. Ex went ballistic when she realized what was happening...but after what she put me through? Fuck 'em.

Welcome StolenYears

LosFerWords - I'm happy for you. Ya gotta move on. I hope all goes well.

Happy Friday guys! I could use those beers, I plan to paint the house (outside) this weekend. I have a piece of wood rotted that needs to be replaced and repainted... 81/82F where I live this weekend... So a cold one or 10 sounds good.

Los, tbk, cheers to that!

Stolenyears, welcome.

Happy Friday Gents!

(Btw, thanks for the clock, Los )

Thanks for the welcome.

I don't drink anymore...I don't drink any less.

One day I will figure out how to post a pic, but beers all around! I'll have one and then switch to bourbon.

Actually, who am I kidding. I probably do drink more now...

Thanks, all!

Does your STBX know you are planning on filing?

She's known my plans for filing from the get-go, WD. I know she stuck a stiletto in my ribs, but I don't want to do the same to her, despite how good it might feel. I think it would make me feel like shit afterwards, and I'm tired of feeling like shit. Feeling pretty good today. Glad it's Friday, time for a beverage!

I don't drink anymore...I don't drink any less.

Hey, That's my line.... but you gotta leave a long enough pause in between there until you can see them trying to figure out how to tactfully ask "why not?"

but beers all around!

Cool! Just got back this afternoon from teaching the first day of my first scuba class in a couple years, since my little medical incident... a beer would go down good right now... In fact, now that you mention it, I may just have to take that beer and go sit on the back deck and look at all the dead grass in my back yard.

Losfer, I'll throw in my "good for you".... wishing peace and Zen comes your way....

We'll see how I feel about it in 2 days.

And for you, sisoon.

In new developments, last week I took the standardized (CEFR) language test for German at the Goethe Institut up in Chicago. I got a B1 level certification. About the middle of the road result. A1/A2 for beginners, B1/B2 for intermediate and C1/C2 for "native fluency". I don't think that's too bad considering its been about 32 years since I lived and went to university there. I think I could get a B2 level if I could find and spend some time with a "conversation group" or something... Where I could practice, or spend some time there where I was forced to live in it every day again.

So... Now I need to decide if I'm going to go ahead and apply for a residency permit. Yes, the idea's been kicking around in my head since I was laid off last summer. But then I'd have to explain to work that I was leaving after 6 or 7 months like the last guy, after I assured them I was in for the long haul. Oh yeah, and there's the little detail of having a job over there.....

Tbkjcn,

Ein vogel haben?! Or did I conjugate that wrong? Congrats man!

In it for the long haul? Man, I don't know why any employer ever asks that question ... only an idiot would say anything different, and there are easier ways to ID idiots.

Didn't you interview for this job by phone? If I remember right, there are phones in Germany....

*****************************

We've got exhausting visitors, so I haven't been able to talk with my W much at all. They're leaving tomorrow.

The visitors are my highly competitive 8 year old GS and son. They're better than me at games, and I'm highly competitive, too. Hence, exhaustion. Or maybe just being with an 8 year old is exhausting.

The visit has its pleasures, though. In spades.

Or did I conjugate that wrong?

Well, if you meant to ask if I had a screw loose, there's some that would agree with you

I don't know why any employer ever asks that question

I know. Do they think someone is going to say "Well, I guess you caught me out. I was only planning on working here till something better came up." Even if that were true (which it kinda is, I've never planned on retiring from this organization, unless nothing else ever comes along), of course I'm going to lie through my teeth to that question. I can see their point though. I am the third person in my position in the last (now) 24 months. The previous manager got a job after 9 or 10 months with an agency that outsources to Cisco. The one before that wasn't a good fit and had no real experience in a service provider environment so he didn't last long. So they've had a bit of turnover. Which did concern me a little bit, but I wasn't really in a position to be picky, you know?

I don't know if I'll do it or not, it's just a wild thought thats been kicking around my head the last year. If I were to decide to take the next step, that'll take 6 or more months. And like I said there's the whole finding a job from the other side of the ocean.

Didn't you interview for this job by phone?

The first and third were, the second and fourth were in person. But the exec dir made it very clear from the moment I had brought up that the previous 15 years I had been working remotely, that he most definitely didn't believe in that, especially not for management.

My little sister got laid off from IBM last month, after working remotely for about the last 5 years. She's finding the same thing I did. The pendulum has really swung hard against remote workers. Ten, fifteen years ago it was the next big thing in staffing, now its the root of all evil in the workplace.

On the ons vs lta affair thing ...

My wife fucked a guy in the back seat of our car. Even moved the child seat to the trunk to do it. She knew when she got in the backseat with him where it was going because he'd been touching her while they were in the front of the car. Basically she was a cat in heat for him. A one time fuck tho they did discuss repeats it never happened.

So she betrayed me, herself, and our daughter because she was horny and thought the guy was "nice". Could gave been anyone, nothing special about him. Just someone that gave her attention, was interested in her, and didn't come across as a complete asshole - basically what 90% of the male population trying to get laid would act like. And my wife did it.

Some months later she was going out with her friends a lot. She thought a bartender was cute. Her friends found him repulsive, not that shed had an affair repulsive but one -with HIM. She chased and pursued him. Threw herself at him. Lta started.

While in her lta she started sending nudes to guys (not telling lta ap or I) and flirting with many, sexting, etc.

One guy she was flirting and sending nudes took her seriously. Shocking huh. So after putting a tattoo on her at his studio he asked for a ride home, asked her in, then when he expected sex (which is shocking considering shed been sexting him, isn't it) she didn't know how to get out of it. So rather than be the 'jerk' that sexted, teased, and then bolted - she fucked him.

And continued lta with guy 2or several more months.

I found out about all 3 more or less at the same time. Well, sorta - trickle truth, lies, gaslighting, etc but not dday1 and the she went and did a2 for a new dday but lots of discoveries of what happened before.

The idea that ons isn't as bad or doesn't hurt as much as lta isn't so. Lta hurts - you know a whole secret life, so many lies, betrayals, etc. But ons doesn't even have the 'I though I loved him' to it. Both ons guys could have been anyone. Both for no real reason - not even a nonsensical self justifying bullshit one.

It all sucks.

[This message edited by william at 1:20 PM, August 13th (Monday)]

Yeah, agree with that. Our 'MC' keeps saying 'At least it wasn't a full affair'. I'm sitting there thinking 'Great, I meant that much to her that she would throw me under a fucking bus for a few minutes of something she claims not have even enjoyed'.

All types of betrayal are betrayal and all have their own special types of pain.

An MC trying to minimize your pain by saying 'At least it wasn't X, or at least it wasn't as bad as Y' probably needs to be replaced. Your pain is your pain. To me, it doesn't matter if it was a ONS, LTA, EA, PA, BJ or anal, boring missionary style or porn star sex, if it betrayed YOU, then it is your pain to deal with.

MY IC told me early on that she had a female client that was more concerned with the fact that her cheating husband held his APs hand vs him having sex with his AP. None of this shit makes sense, and the one person we should be able to count on to have our backs instead stabbed us in the back. The betrayal, lies, deceit, and oh yes, whatever sex was or was not involved, it all sucks, and it just adds to the shit sandwich that we are forced to choke down. Bourbon helps, IMHO.

William

My wife had an affair in a friend's condo (twice), then her AP car, then the next dozen times in the back of my family's van. She even asked me to try and fit a matress in the back of the van "for the kids to rest at the beach". Yep, she used my brawn to try and help her AP be more comfortable when they fucked. He got naked and sweat his fat ass on my children's blankets and pillows. I totally get the car seat thing.

So, let me say this. YOUR WW HAD A LTA...it was just with different assholes. It all hurts. and your particular set of pain attributes are REAL. Don't ever let them be discounted. Keep on keeping on and in 100 years we will all be dead. With that said I'm sure her AP's wil all look up from hell and feel like shit themselves, 10 fold.

ONS vs LTA. Comes up often and always causes a huge debate.

But he's my $0.02

If course the drunken ONS is less severe an offense than the LTA. One is a one off event, the other an ongoing one.

Does it mean the BS's pain is any less? Of course not. But that's where people get wrapped around the axles - they equate less severe an offense with less painful, or somehow more excusable. Nothing is farther from the truth.

For eons we have had gradations in crimes, example: murder and manslaughter. Does anyone think all homicides should be punishable by the death penalty? No.