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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread-Part 33

Topic is Sleeping.
cool1

 SI Staff (original poster moderator #10) posted at 6:11 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

Here you go gents!

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 8222074
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HoldingTogether ( member #29429) posted at 6:32 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

First!

[This message edited by HoldingTogether at 12:50 PM, August 4th (Saturday)]

Us-Reconciled.
You keep waiting for the dust to settle, and then you realize... This is it, that dust is your life going on.

posts: 999   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010   ·   location: New Life
id 8222088
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HoldingTogether ( member #29429) posted at 6:33 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

Us-Reconciled.
You keep waiting for the dust to settle, and then you realize... This is it, that dust is your life going on.

posts: 999   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010   ·   location: New Life
id 8222089
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HoldingTogether ( member #29429) posted at 6:50 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

Us-Reconciled.
You keep waiting for the dust to settle, and then you realize... This is it, that dust is your life going on.

posts: 999   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010   ·   location: New Life
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Tred ( member #34086) posted at 8:55 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

Btw, is it possible to get the Betrayed Menz thread Part 31 printed up or accessible in any way?

Not sure Ceph. MH used to keep the old threads accessible, but the servers eventually didn't have the space with all the other SI stuff. It's a damn shame because there were some epic discussions back in the BM 12 - BM 20 range. I think you can still go back to specific posts but I don't know any way to access the entire thread. I remember when I was new reading the old BM threads was an immense help.

By the way, Smoked Deviled Eggs are better than deep fried Deviled Eggs.

Married: 24 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 10:09 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

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Loukas ( member #47354) posted at 10:17 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

Without anyone asking, Los!? I almost feel cheated!

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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 10:47 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2018

Are deviled eggs good fuel, NTV? Or pickled eggs?

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 1:15 PM on Sunday, August 5th, 2018

Deviled eggs are the best. Add bourbon reduction and crispy bacon pieces, and thinly sliced green onions and you have won the stupid socialite who's got the best hors d'oeuvre unspoken contest thingy.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

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Cephastion ( member #51990) posted at 3:31 PM on Sunday, August 5th, 2018

Yeah well speaking of devils, whores' do-overs, "socialites", stupidity, and "unspoken contest-thingys" I wish I could REALLY just turn my damn brain off at night when I sleep.

The adultery nightmares are getting somewhat less frequent now, but when I have one like the ones I had last night/this A.M. it just seems like they're making up for lost time...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 9:39 AM, August 5th (Sunday)]

BH-me / WW-(Pyrite)
Left Thanksgiving 2019 w/ unresolved childhood trauma and other general selfishness issues that she refuses to honestly address, resolve,& heal from.--"For where your wealth/treasure is, there will your heart be also."--Yeshua

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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 3:56 PM on Sunday, August 5th, 2018

Without anyone asking, Los!? I almost feel cheated!

Loukas - I saw Tred posting, and I felt compelled to post the (T)Red Stripe clock. I figured I would act in the moment, and ask for forgiveness later.

Ceph - That sucks about the nightmares. Further proof that this stuff not only affects us consciously, but hits us subconsciously as well.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8222544
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Cephastion ( member #51990) posted at 6:05 PM on Sunday, August 5th, 2018

Yeah, Losfer, I guess I'm still pretty raw and vulnerable...

It's been a lot better lately but that movie and those dreams and my wife's..."stuff" I guess..It just all adds up.

BH-me / WW-(Pyrite)
Left Thanksgiving 2019 w/ unresolved childhood trauma and other general selfishness issues that she refuses to honestly address, resolve,& heal from.--"For where your wealth/treasure is, there will your heart be also."--Yeshua

posts: 2323   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2016
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 12:42 AM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

I hear you, Ceph. I'm almost eight years out, and feel like I have made tons of progress in my healing. On a conscious level, I am really doing great, and overall I am pretty happy with where I am at. I still have night terrors, though. My son sees them from time to time. He says I'm usually yelling at someone and trying to punch someone in my sleep. I almost never have any recollection of this after the fact. Guessing my subconscious has some unresolved issues with my wife's AP. Probably something I should talk to my shrink about.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
id 8222778
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STBXH ( member #60824) posted at 7:56 AM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

Hey fellas...have any of you guys been to a g2g? Get Together event? I would really love to have one in So Cal. You all could show up and make it a vacation. We could all meet in the morning, like you would a Time Share pitch, and then go back to your respective families and hit Disneyland and the beaches. I'm really interested in talking with BSs in person. That kind of support can go a long way I think.

Just wondering if anybody had any experience in g2g's? Sisoon mentioned it to me and I have been thinking about it ever since.

BH (me) 40 something
WW same
DD 12 DS 9


“The person that can fuck someone else, gaslight and lie to your face about it, is the very same person that cannot understand the soul crushing devastation you face at the revelation of their actions.” —me

posts: 324   ·   registered: Sep. 28th, 2017
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STBXH ( member #60824) posted at 8:43 AM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

BTW....

BH (me) 40 something
WW same
DD 12 DS 9


“The person that can fuck someone else, gaslight and lie to your face about it, is the very same person that cannot understand the soul crushing devastation you face at the revelation of their actions.” —me

posts: 324   ·   registered: Sep. 28th, 2017
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:55 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

Ceph, sorry to hear about the night terrors (thanks, Losfer). My IC had a particular process to use before sleep to counter these events. Worked for me. Having said that I was woke up last night just before 3 with a familiar nightmare. I did go back to sleep after about an hour but feel unrested this morning. Hasn't happened for a couple of months at least.

I'm almost 5 years out, Losfer. A little disheartening to see you have the night terrors still after 8. I hope they are infrequent. Even though I'm 5 years out from DDay1 my real healing didn't start until January of this year so not a year into that yet.

BTW, thanks for the clock.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4662   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:01 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

NTV, I wonder if there's a way to supercharge deviled eggs?

Had lawnmower races at the local hamlet annual fair a week ago. They're modified and can really move. We do have riding lawnmowers and mow some grass between the big snows way up here in far north.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4662   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 2:07 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

Thanks, Steady. I think most of what I am dealing with at this point has less to do with infidelity, and more to do with her abusive nature and the possibility that she is undiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or something similar. Just last December, right before I moved out, she was telling me she was going to bludgeon me to death in my sleep with a hammer. I think that's enough to give anyone bad dreams. That was only 8 months ago, not 8 years ago. That, and all of her threats of suicide if I did not come back to her earlier this year. The infidelity aspect doesn't impact me very much at all anymore, so please don't be disheartened.

posts: 31089   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
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Jduff ( member #41988) posted at 11:01 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2018

Geez STBXH. Damn near had a stroke laughing so hard at that.

Someone mention serving horse doovers?

The grass is always greener.... where the dogs are shitting.

-Soundgarden

posts: 2432   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2014   ·   location: Southwest
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 3:04 AM on Tuesday, August 7th, 2018

Hey guys. I haven’t been really active on here the last 6 months or so. I do still stop in and read from time to time, but I haven’t posted much lately. The job is still going, and all in all I’m happy with it. Mostly. I spend more of my time doing admin work than “work” work, and I’m not much of a paperwork or admin work person. I do get to keep my hand in from time to time, either when things are really busy, or I have to show someone how to do something. I had told my previous previous boss before she passed away (and her replacement canned me after a year) that I didn’t want her job, I wanted to do things. I would be the head engineer and lead the team, but I didn’t want to be the “big boss”. Well, I still feel that way a bit. But then I get a pay check and tell myself that I get paid to sit in an office (with windows even, and a parking spot, whoo hoo) and tell other people what to do, instead of being told what to do :).

But that’s not supposed to be why I’m here today. I’ve been thinking about this post for a week or so. The end of this month marks four years since I found out my wife was not who I thought she was and my life came crashing down over two weeks. When it became August, and the anniversary of the worst day of my life bar none started getting close enough to notice, I started, as I do this time of year, thinking about everything that has happened over the last four years. I went back and read my JFO thread. Start to finish. I felt sadness. A little. I felt hurt. A little. And I looked at today. And I realized that I am happy. Or at least not unhappy. Which is probably close to the same thing, isn’t it? If not happy, I am at least at peace with my life as it stands today. I accept it. Hell, some days I even embrace it. I don’t miss my “old” life. I don’t miss my xWW. Some days I do miss having someone to share life with. Some days (nights) do I miss having someone warm in bed. Do I wish that was xWW? No. Most of the increasingly rare times she works her way to the surface of my mind these days, I don’t feel pain or loss or anger, I don’t know what it is, regret maybe. Am I “recovered”? I don’t know. To me, that implies, at least a little bit, that I am back to being the same person I was before. After all, when you recover from an illness, aren’t you back to being the same healthy person you were before you became sick. I am not the same person I was 4 years and a month ago, and I never will be. I am changed. I am different. Hopefully (mentally) healthier, hopefully happier. But still different than I was. I’ll never be that person again, that’s over and gone. My life is no longer focused on my xWW’s infidelity like it was two years, three years, four years ago, I am focused on me. On being happy. Or at least doing my damnedest to be happy. I don't really miss the "old" me.

So, am I recovered? Am I healed? If you caught me unaware and asked me that question when I wasn’t thinking about it, I think my first response would be “No. I’m not recovered, you never recover.” But when I sit and think about it, I would probably say “I think so. I am at peace and isn’t that what recovered means?”

Gentlemen, Here’s to recovery, what ever form it takes for you, may we all find it.

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8223645
Topic is Sleeping.
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