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You are not married. She wants to have her fun. She can. But I would break it off with her today. I mean I would call her right now and tell her we are done. I seems you love her and it will hurt but, man, she has no respect for you. And once married she will not remain faithful. To have a "so what" attitude about it is heartbreaking. Please, save yourself much more pain. End the relationship today.

Wow. This is truly heartbreaking. I am so sorry.

Of course you are devastated and your immediate reaction is to believe that you cannot live without her. It makes sense that you think this way, because she is all you have ever known. This is exactly the reason that you need to take some time away from her, to get some space, and to change your perspective a little.

She cheated on you for the last four years. During that time, you were faithful to her. I am assuming you had talked about this and you both should have been on the same page regarding fidelity and a long-distance relationship. She chose that what she wanted was more important than you. If she thought cheating was just fine, why didn’t she let you know that, so that you were free to pursue other relationships? It really is outrageous that she knew you were being faithful to her while she was out doing anything she wanted.

My God, she got engaged to you... agreeing to MARRY you... while carrying on with other men. What is her definition of marriage? Does she think fidelity plays a part in it? Does she believe in open marriages? Or only one-sided open marriages? Can you see the selfishness and lack of care for you?

I know you are hurting, but as someone already stated, don’t stick with a decision just because you spent a long time making it. You are still very young and have limited relationship experience. I will tell you that the “young and in love“ stage should be the best time of your relationship. Things don’t get easier once you are married. Marriage takes a lot of work, communication, and commitment from both partners. I hope you think long and hard as to whether this is a person with whom you would want to enter a long-term commitment.

I’m sure it hurts when people tell you to “run“, but we say this out of kindness and concern for YOU.

Please take some time on your own to deal with this trauma and heal. Seriously consider getting some IC. It will help you to have someone in real life to talk to.

You are worthy of having someone that is as committed to you as you are to them. Someone who takes your feelings into consideration, not just their own. Please don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of hurt. You deserve so much better.

Big hugs.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 4:07 PM, March 5th (Monday)]

My DD is just starting college. She was homeschooled. I am learning these kids that go away are very in to sports fucking. My DD thought it was a new thing. Their is not the stigma placed on it with college kids today.

She does not have the same morals you do. Imagine having children life is boring and she goes sports fucking it’s doesn’t mean anything it’s just fun.

Please break up with her and find a person more like minded.

My advice is the same as everyone else. Send her a short email and just say "you aren't who I thought you were. This is over. Have a nice life." Send it, and then never speak to her again. She may try to bed and plead, or win you back with sex, etc. Maintain NC. She's not worth breaking up in person, despite your history.

You are 21, and your journey is just beginning. When I was 21, my longtime girlfriend, who I intended to marry one day, broke up with me out of nowhere. She and her parents felt I was never going to amount to anything. I was lost at the time, and it took me a little while to find my feet. But that's when my life truly began. Her breaking up with me turned out to be the greatest gift I ever received. My advice to you is to be single and just have fun for awhile, and then when you're ready, you'll meet the right girl, one who deserves you. I know it doesn't seem like it, but there really are "plenty of fish in the sea". Ditch your fiancé and then your story can begin!

Edit to add- My ex turned out to be wrong about me. I'm doing quite well, financially and professionally, and she knows it. Quiet victory.

[This message edited by Fenderguy at 4:51 PM, March 5th (Monday)]

She didn't respect the commitment like you did.

Imagine getting the response "It was just sex"

after 5 years or 10 years of marriage. And then you don't even know if the kids are yours or not.

Tell her the marriage is off. Get your ring back and block her on all coms. Then post on FB that she cheated on you with a dozen guys over the past 4 years just to slam the door shut behind you.

you are not married to her.

you do not have kids with her.

Does she have stds? Is she pregnant?

Did she have an abortion?

just think if you were married and had kids and she cheated.

You can leave her behind. Run far and Run fast.

good thing that you found out now.

Don’t make any decisions for a few months.

Just think about it. Watch her actions. Watch who she truly is objectively.

You will then decide.

You can talk to her or not - your choice.

My son went thru the same thing with his GF - long distance and she just upped and cheated and ended the relationship and then wanted to “be friends”. He just refused to continue being her friend b/c friends don’t knife people in the back like that.

You will survive this. I promise you will. It hurts to be the victim of infidelity but continue with your classes and graduate. Start a career. Life will get better.

With or without her!

Looking at her phone was the best thing you ever did. I wish I knew mine's history before I married her. YOU WILL have a lot more heartache if you try and make it work. You never knew who she really was. It sucks and I'm sorry. She hid it from you and lied to you so many times. Just RUN. Ghost her. Never talk to her again. No matter how hot or wonderful you thought/think she is, her core being is rotten no matter how good the outside looks. Good lord just run man. It's hard when your in it, but from a outside perspective it ain't a hard choice. I know man it sucks and I am sorry.

Take it from someone who married that girl, you don't want the heartache with kids a career and a family down the road.

It just gets harder with age . Make that life with someone who you can trust. She don't deserve u.

Work on yourself. Take the anger out in the gym. Hold your head high. You get rid of her because you got value and you deserve better.

Oh Brady, so sorry to hear this.

It's one thing to experience the heartache of love for the very first time, but to go through what you've just learned is flat out criminal.

As much as you love her and thought she was your soulmate (in my opinion) you'd be better off in the long run kicking this girl to the curb.

It would have been one thing if she had messed around one time at a party while at college, but to be doing this for FOUR yrs and with TWELVE different people? Then to cop an attitude after being caught that doing this isn't a big deal???

Brady, we all come to points in our life that the choices we make will put us on a good path or a path from hell (and these bad choices can haunt us for yrs and take us yrs to recover and in some cases we never recover). We'd love to turn back the clock and redo some of these bad choices that wrecked our lives.

You're at one if these crossroads RIGHT NOW my friend.

You need to really think this through, because there is a great deal at stake.

You haven't spent one day with this girl as your spouse.

She's been a girlfriend.

This is a time when you test each other out to see if the two of you click together, have the same morals, want the same things out of life, can you count on each other in bad times, and most importantly can you TRUST each other and have each others back NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Well Brady, based upon what you've shared with us, it's VERY apparent that this girl has flunked the test of being your girlfriend so there's no reason to believe that she would make a loving and TRUSTING wife.

This girl has shown you TIME AND TIME AGAIN who and what she is. She knows herself better than anyone and she flat out told you who and what she is. Brady as painful as all of this is I implore you to BELIEVE HER!!!

What most older people don't tell to young adults like yourself is being married takes a lot of work and it can be extremely difficult at times and in order to make it work you need not one but BOTH partners all in.

It's like when you go on a job interview and you spend a bit of time on the phone interviewing and than you go to the next stage and go in for a face to face interview. At the end of the day all the employer sees is the tip of the iceberg and they try to make a guess on the future by the little they've seen ( and the candidate is doing the exact same thing).

You've seen the tip of the iceberg with this girl, and based upon what you've learned about her (and what she's been doing the past four yrs) it's very apparent she's not worth investing in or committing to as it will only come back to bite you in the ass!!!

I feel for you as you're trying to deal with this and trying to finish up school. Take care of yourself Brady.

As horrible as this is Brady please believe me you WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!

You have to keep the faith.

As others have pointed out better to find this out now than down the line when there could be yrs invested in the relationship and maybe even children.

Will be praying for you Brady.

Thanks for all the support. I didn't know where to turn.. I didn't want to go to my friends because I don't know what she did.

I had a long talk with her tonight. First time we've talked for more than 5 minutes. I told her that I'd she truly loves me she would give me time to think about things and sort things out. She started to cry and told me she loves me and doesn't want to lose me. She said again that the sex doesn't mean anything.. She said she just got caught up with the party lifestyle.. She promised that once she finishes school things will be good again. I asked her if she will stop and she was noncommittal... And again, stupid me I asked if it was better than with me.. She said is different...she said if I loved her than I need to let her have these experiences before we get married... I do love her... More than anything. I just want to make her happy... But I just don't know anymore.... She wants to come down this weekend and try to talk about things.... I want to see her so bad... Hold her.. Kiss her.. But I don't know if i can handle it. I feel like it's my fault some how...

So Brady, what would you tell a best friend to do when faced with a girlfriend who treated him this way?

Never fucking talk to her again.

Block her in every way.

You deserve more. And she doesn’t deserve an ounce of your time. She doesn’t.

First off, I'm so sorry you are here.

She's feeding you a line of crap.

You are so torn up because you know she is so twisted in the head.

You are too young to have to deal with this. You'll never be able to trust her.

Is that what you want for the rest of your life?

Of course not. I think you're on here asking because you know the right answer.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy... obviously... but you're in a position to where you can start over.

You can do it. Time to read up on the 180 and implement it. We've got your back.

Many of us have been there: you are infatuated with her, and you have great expectations. But you should ask what kind of relationship you will have with someone who has consciously deceived you for the last four years.

And, are you really ready to share you wife?

How can this be your fault?

Did you give her permission to be a slut?

Did you guys ever break up?

Did she ever tell you she wanted these "experiences"?

She betrayed you and she will betray you again. She knows she can continue to disrespect you and get away with it cuz she loves you.

I bet she comes home, phucks your lights out and you will be fine.....accept for the bumbs that you get on your penis and the painful burning you get when you pee.

The simple fact that she doesn't have the respect for you to tell you 4 years ago is telling.

she can not be trusted as a GF how can you trust her when she is your wife? The same disrespect will be their. The same "taste" for these men will be there.

Yes this is painful, if you don't have respect for your self no one will have respect for you.

She is not marriage material for any man.

please please please tell her the marriage is off and tell her to focus and her remaining "experiences" at college, graduate, find a job and then some time down the road we will seE what happens. BUT GOD PLEASE CALL OFF THE WEDDING FOR NOW!!!!

You will find a real women that will respect you, respect your morals, respect your health (and not bring home something that will make your penis fall off), respect boundaries, respect commitment, and respect loyality.

For whats its worth we all have felt your pain, you are not alone, and you will get through this just like we did.

You will find a good women to marry and you won't have to worry about her having sex with another man on your wedding night while your saying by to your wedding guest...wondering were your new bride is......

“She promised that once she finishes school things will be good again. I asked her if she will stop and she was noncommittal... And again, stupid me I asked if it was better than with me.. She said is different...she said if I loved her than I need to let her have these experiences before we get married”

I’m sorry man. But that’s bull. Noncommittal is all you need to hear.

If she loves you she wouldn’t have done this behind your back. She would have broken up and said that you need time to be single. Not keep you on a hook while she was sowing her wild oats. This is the definition of manipulation and someone who will bring you back here if you continue a relationship with her.

You are worth more than what she has given you. You deserve better

Hi Brady

I remember how it feels to have that first love. I can understand how you want everything to be ok.

Have you read some of the stories here? I would read rock star dads story because he is really speaking from his heart on this. If you feel this bad now, imagine when you've got little kids and you'll get to see them part time when you can't go on or she leaves you. If she loved you so much, especially before marriage,she wouldnt feel like cheating. She wouldn't. Ask any lady here.

Maybe she does like the party life. Ok but then be a single girl. She cannot just keep you dangling. That's not fair. A good and loving wife doesn't do that to her husband.

And as people said, marriage is wonderful but many times hard work and sometimes so difficult. You need to start out on the same page to be a success. That's the reality.

These pictures going back and forth. Like you need them floating about after marriage. I know it hurts but think hard about it. How would you feel if she still sends them out later. Maybe to someone you know or a neighbor. It would be so awful. Don't you worry about comparing yourself. You're young and can get your fitness going. I think you should, it would do you good.

Just put the plans on hold for now. You don't have to be mean. It's a big problem that she hid it and lied. Now she says no big deal. Well, sorry but it is. No one wants to see you get used. Take your time, read the stories here. I'd hold off on the intimacy too just to protect your health. She can't have it all her way no matter how she talks

This girl is a piece of work.

If the sex "didn't mean anything" and "she just got caught up in the party lifestyle" than why didn't she tell you what was going on a long time ago?

You know why? Because she knew it was a big deal and more importantly that it was wrong.

Tell her that if "the sex didn't mean anything" than she should have no problem with you telling her family and friends (along with your family and friends) what she's been doing.

Watch her do a 180 and try to convince you not to do this.

You know what lives in darkness.....rats and cockroaches.

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to live single but have a steady boyfriend waiting in the wings for the times she decides to throw you some table scraps. She's shopping for something better and having a blast. If she finds something she considers better she'll bolt. If not then she'll fall back on her safety net. Her guarantee. You. You're plan B if all the partying and hot sex doesn't find her anything better. Are you ok with this role?

Sorry you're here bro. She is very immature and sounds like she is very shallow. She wants to come see you because she wants to have sex, this is all about control. I hear you, my WW is my high school sweetheart. I learned of her A's after marriage and birth of my son. Very different situation than yours. You can cut free very easily. Ask yourself this, will you ever not wonder if she is cheating after marriage? Do you want to live like that? You can control the outcome.

If she loved you she would remain committed to you. She is using your love against you. Love is not a weapon. I am telling you, end this relationship.