SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Brady...Let me tell you a short little story. My son had a high school GF that he was in love with. We went on family camping trips together. I never had good vibes about her. She decided she was going to go to college... and she broke up with my son. Her reason for breaking up? She wanted to have that full college experience, if you catch my meaning. At least she had the decency to break up first before she left her trail of misery. My son is now married to a good decent woman.

I promise you the quicker you get rid of her the quicker you will you will feel better about yourself. RUN! In the long run you'll never regret it. Your much too young to get yourself saddled down with someone with the morals of an alley cat. Your GF has shown you who she is... believe her, please.

She’s now back at school. It’s done… Removed her from Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. She was actually the one that decided that we would have no contact until after the summer….which is convenient for her because she just told me that she is going to Vegas after grad and then backpacking Europe with friends after that. It’s funny because we were supposed to go away together after graduation. Whatever she wants though, I just want her to be happy.

We had a straightforward, honest, and blunt talk. She apologized, and made no excuses. Bottom line, she tells me she really loves the attention that she gets and loves the party lifestyle but she really loves me and sees a future with me. She said that all the sex is about self-discovery and that it will make our own sex life, and relationship better… She just has to figure some stuff out on her own first.

So there it is… We’ve broken off contact until after she gets back from her trip. Then we will reevaluate things. I’ve realized that we are quite different. Everything I do is for her… All I do is study and work hard for our future. We always talked about having a family and she’d stay home and take care of the kids…. Looks like she doesn’t want that anymore… All she does is party and get drunk. What’s wrong with me? I love her so much, she says she loves me, but why doesn’t she want me? Why does she want other guys? I already can’t stop thinking about her…. I don’t have anybody else I can talk to about this. I don’t want to tell my friends or parents because I don’t want them to know what she did and have them think differently of her. Why am I not good enough for her? Why does she need to do this? I am so sad.

I understand it you hurting P And the pain that you're feeling is just tremendous. But it comes a point in Our lives that we have to start thinking about ourselves. You need to go to individual Counseling because your self esteem is so low that you are allowing this woman to do anything she wants to you. She's treating you like an afterthought. You matter more then you believe

One of the reasons that this hurts so much is that sexually she is the only one you have in your mind. I assume you are also in college or at least a young man. It's time to come out of that shell you built around you and her and get some world experience. She is not the only girl in the world you can have sex with and probably not the only one you can fall in love with. I can almost promise you that after you have had a sexual experience with other girls that she will not be occupying some much of your thoughts. Get out from under that dark cloud you have over you and go have some fun. If you do then by the time she returns from her "sexual life experience" she might find you with someone better than her and you with your own life experience. It's a big world with a lot of pretty girls. Go find them. I do wish you well.

Glad to hear that it’s over. Please read the link below because it is your future if you continue with her:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=619315

This poor guy married a woman who loved male attention. If you marry a woman like that you are in for a world of hurt. Find other women and date them. Your ex is someone you should have fun with but never marry.

All she does is party and get drunk.

You don't need that in your life. If she loved you, she would stop.

Run. Find someone with some sense.

Partying and getting drunk will get old some day for her. Don't be her fall-back guy.

It is not you that she does not want, it is the lifestyle she wants.

Do not wait to evaluate, she is not marriage material and more than likely will never be.

Get out and start living life for you. True love will come.

Brady, trust me everyone at some point suffers the heartache of love for the first time. Unfortunately your situation consisted of so much more (betrayal, lies, and finding out who she really is).

"What's wrong with me"?

You spend your time studying while at college to enhance your future opportunities while she fucks anything with a pulse.

You want a family in your future while she wants to get drunk all the time.

You're compassionate, trustworthy, and loyal and she's a lying whore who has been deceiving you for four years.

You want her to be happy and she really doesn't give a damn about you because she's selfish and thinks like an animal.

Brady there's NOTHING wrong with you. I know all of this hurts and you're in a lot of pain right now. The reason you aren't confiding in family and friends about her and what's going on is you know deep down in your heart that they will be telling you the same thing the people on SI have been telling you.

You're trying to keep the door open to a future with her.

I know it doesn't feel like it now but you've been given a HUGE gift here. In time, trust me Brady you will look back on this and thank god you found out the truth.

My advice is to break off contact with her forever (not until just after summer).

As hard as it's going to be, take care of yourself, finish up the semester, and get yourself into some counseling over the summer.

Brady you need to learn to love yourself first and foremost.

You need to discover your self worth.

You need to start learning about boundaries.

You have a tough road ahead of you and every single time you speak with her it's going to make it that much tougher to move away from her and the bright future that awaits you.

Also, Brady you need to get to a Dr and get tested as who knows what this girl has passed along to you.

One last thing Brady, my advice would be to tell your family and friends about her and what you've learned about her. By doing so you'll BURN THE BRIDGE that could possibly lead you back to her in the future.

Just do it Brady because deep down in your soul you know it's the right thing to do.

In your bigeest time of need you are ignoring the best support sytem....your family... you might get the answers if you start utilizing this support system.

Please open up to others who truly care about you. Hold this in is so unhealthy.

At the very least get some counselling with this codependency issue you have.

If you have to hide things about your significant other from your family there is something wrong. Out her to your family and get the support you need.

I anticipate you have a relationahip with her parents. Give them a call and let them know why you are breaking up. They can help her in the future, she shouldn't be your problem anymore.

Then don't talk to her there is nothing left to say. She is taking this trip as a free woman in her mind btw. If a opportunity arises she will act on it, hell she did all through college. Nothing has changed. It will take time but you will detach. You will meet someone who values you and that you can trust. Make the family and future with that woman. This one will be heartache for the rest of your life.

You see how many responses you've got in such a short time. It's because we all wish we knew this stuff before we got married, had kids and planned a future. It will be 100 times harder if you don't move on without her. Trust us.

Brady, please let someone know what you are going through and for goodness sake, don't let her back in your life.

No man should go through what you've had to go through.

I'll bet 1000% that given time, you'll come out of this way stronger than you are now.

Stay strong young friend.

Brady,

Absolutely do not put your life on hold waiting to see if she comes back to you. Use the time to work on yourself, your last academic semester, and your future job prospects.

I do hope that your engagement has officially ended. That is something that can, and should, be announced to your family. If your engagement were to remain in effect, it effectively makes you a placeholder for her, and prevents you from forming a relationship with another woman. Has the engagement formally ended?

The way it seems to me, you are just different. Maybe she will get married much later. You want sooner. That's ok.

What's not ok, the lying and deception. Asking you to wait while fooling around, exposing you to the possibility of an std.

She wants to be free. Let her go. It's much better than getting married to someone who's not ready for commitment.

I know it hurts. Breakups at your age always do. The things you have told us that she continues to say are still so wrong and manipulative. Nothing she is doing is for the betterment of your future together. Your sex will be better because she was able to learn with so many other people while she was pretending to be with you? That’s some bat crazy shit right there.

Don’t spend this time waiting for her or bettering yourself for her. Spend this time on yourself and learn to be happy on your own. Go out and have fun, meet new people and carve your own path. You’re a young guy and have a bright future ahead of yourself. You’ll have women falling all over you if you just be yourself and get as far away from that mess as possible (both mentally and physically).

If you’re in college see if they have some counseling on campus to help with your self esteem and confidence.

Talk to your friends and family about it, at least those who are understanding and compassionate. They will help.

[This message edited by LetItBeMan09 at 9:29 AM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

She actually had the nerve to tell you that her fucking around would help improve YOUR sex life?

You really need to put this woman behind you IMMEDIATELY.....and PERMANENTLY.

After that last exchange, I think you should send her one last message.....

Tell her to forget about talking again after the summer......inform her you NEVER want to speak with her again.

Then move on my friend.....

There are so many other women out there.....

Why in the hell are you hanging all your hopes and dreams on this traitorous one?

Screw her....you are well rid of her.

Bradyc, you need to realise that this is a very unhealthy and unbalanced situation.

On her side, there is nothing but playing you and keeping you on the hook and in limbo until she decides if she needs you later in life as a stable partner with a reasonable source of income - there is absolutely no love for you (at least not the kind of love you are thinking of).

On your side, there is obsession and fear - you are obsessed with her looks and fearful of never being able to find someone like her again. This too is not real love and is very unhealthy.

You need to drop her like a hot potato and get on with your life - do not look back!

To say you have dodged a bullet is an understatement - more like dodged an atom bomb!

Brady,

your self esteem is in the toilet and you are severely co-dependent.

In my opinion, there should be no 're-evaluation' of this. When she gets back after screwing around in Vegas or Europe or both, don't even talk to her. Send her a message now saying that you decided against a future with her and simply feel that she is part of your past and not part of the future.

Done.

Then work on the issues with your self esteem before you start another relationship. Then find a better woman with actual moreal values

Brady you wrote “why am I not good enough for her”.

in reality you are too good for her!

What’s wrong with me?

Low self esteem, co-dependency, insecurity... I don't know. But I do know there is something wrong with you; to cling to a toxic serial cheater and tolerate being her door mat.

Two pieces of advice:

Get some counseling to find out.

Don't see her or contact her again, except to text her not to contact you anymore. Then get on with your life.

[This message edited by badmemory at 9:18 AM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

Brady,

It's probably brutal reading comment after comment about how you need to get on with your life. But if you are given the same response over and over again, there must be some truth to it. No....there is nothing wrong with you in the sense that your girlfriend cheats. Yes....the is something wrong that you need to tie your happiness to an immature girl who has totally disregarded your say in the relationship. Once you value yourself more than now, you will see this....as clear as day.

She said that all the sex is about self-discovery and that it will make our own sex life, and relationship better

C'mon---can YOU even buy that crap? Were you unhappy with the sexual relationship before? This is 100% about her wants and 'needs'. She says that she loves you---She has NO IDEA what the definition of love is. It's not the way you see love. She doesn't have the capacity to care like you do, or she wouldn't have done....and continue to do.....what she is doing right now.

Do NOT wait like a puppy for her return. Get out there, meet some new women, and look for what you would want to see in a partner. Believe me, there are plenty of girls that are looking for exactly what you are looking for.