Weird, the AP in my world has this as well, and my WH mentioned it as a large part of "our" problem
Yes I was accused of this too. We're both introverts (although she is more sociable than me IMO), but it was my job to give her friends evidently. We went to social events, had a regular board game group, tried to do things once a week...it wasn't enough, she wanted more. I hear she goes out a lot more now with the AP to these sorts of things. It's kinda easy to do that when you're the one being chauffeured around, and you don't cook and clean for yourself/others and maintain a house.
having a 2+ year affair with one of his co-workers, where he also works with the OBS (talk about a f-ed up triangle)
*10th ring of hell discovered*. I can't even imagine an AP, WS, and BS working together
WW worked with the AP, but they both lost their jobs because their business unit was sold off. She was laid off first because she was the weakest link on the team. This was the year before the start of the PA. I strongly suspect the loss of seeing him everyday greatly contributed to it. The months she was unemployed looking for work was an incredibly stressful time (and not because of money issues), she was difficult to live with and would be very nasty to me. And she also started resenting me because her new job came with a big pay cut (she made more than me, now makes about the same) and "because of me" she couldn't get a higher paying job in NYC.
We are in the same line of work, I secured her an interview at my company and they offered a position (same salary as me). She chose the company that was closer to the AP. It makes me question a lot about the first few years together.
I'm 31 though, clock ticks for women. I hope it doesn't get me another 10yrs to heal from this.
It ticks for everyone too, in different ways perhaps. My parents had me late in life, so they are getting up there now and my mom has a lot of medical issues that are steadily getting worse. We're going through the loss of her parents now, who had their kids at like 22. I wanted kids by at least 30 to give my children younger parents, and my WW stole that hope from me. I feel like she betrayed them just as much me, as they treated her like a second daughter and loved her.
I fear my parents will never see grandchildren, or be too old to make similar memories I had with my grandparents. I fear the hurt goes too deep that I won't make a similar connection with another women at all, let alone in a reasonable time frame. I gave her prime years to settle down and she pulled all this shit on me. And my worst fear is I finally meet someone who checks the boxes, and they put me through all of this all over again.
I too am not fond of partying or drinking and keep a small group of close friends (although many are now separated by distance). I thought I was doing everything right by being picky about dating, being careful about who I give my love too...I know myself, when I love, I love deeply...and I know I cannot easily discard people. WW a few times admitted that she felt bad "not living it up" in her 20s, and I feel so sad that she feels that way. None of those parties or happy hours ever made her truly happy otherwise I don't think she would have struggled with her depression; she always felt like people didn't like her or she wasn't cool enough and had this driving need to not miss out.
I don't very much like the idea of "party it up, sleep with everyone in your 20s and then settle down with someone else in your 30s". I thought she didn't either . The first month of dating, we started talking about hopes and dreams for marriage and how important it was to find someone that wants to get to that point and not just casually date.
I sometimes wonder if the only type of woman who will "get me" moving forward is a woman who has experienced being cheated on. I look at online dating and sometimes I feel like I'm a leftover, so many women in my age group already lived the life experiences I wanted with WW...and are single with kids. I'm not interested in that because 1) I don't want ex's involved in my life ever again and 2) I'd rather have my own children. Not all of them can be single because of infidelity, so that makes me wonder too.
[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 11:56 AM, January 15th (Wednesday)]