Bah, they left because they suck and are broken.
There is no logic to it, we can all blame ourselves, could we have been better, sure, but they also could have been better.
We waffle between hating them and then hating ourselves for hating them to loving them and trying to see what we could have done differently.
If we take a look at the lopsided nature of it I am sure everyone here will feel that they did 60, 70, 80, 90% of the work in trying to fix it.
We picked crappy, we ignored the warning signs. Sure there are exceptions but all the stories I have read and my story itself there were red flags everywhere. We tossed them off the field and made excuses. They seemed logical, we loved them and trusted them so sure go do what you need to do babe.
its the endless cycle of trying to own something that is totally on our cheating spouse.
We can read it a million times, the made the choice to cheat and they did all the little steps to cheat on us.
if I could change it I would, but really knowing what I know now I see that it was the only way for all of us to move on.
I remember shortly after I started dating my exe I had to go to the emergency room for a searing pain in my stomach. They couldn't figure it out, I ended up getting a colonoscopy which came back clear. No problems just this inexplicable pain in my gut. Looking back, was it the universe trying to warn me. Maybe. The doctors still had no idea what caused it and I have been tested for a few years after the event.
No reoccurrence. Maybe I am grasping but I look back at all the things that happened and it was destined to end and I was destined to be here right now.
I know the pain of being left, I know the heartache of writing on this board when my heart broke on mistress day and valentines day. I know the pain of wanting to hear from them and the pain of secretly hoping the email notification I get is from them, it never is because she is gone.
I took a walk tonight with the dog, I am in the desert looking at the star filled sky, Orion staring down at me like he always does. I felt small in the world and alone with the noise of the dog by my side. I felt a peace about it all and I once again forgave my exe. She left me because she had to, she left me because she wanted to and she left me because it was over.
i am here, along with all of you and know that I am not close to acceptance but I and we are closer than we were yesterday.
Love yourself, heal yourself and accept yourself. We are flawed and we aren't perfect and we made mistakes but we can't control others, we can only control ourselves.
Our relationship is over and it sucks, but looking back, does it really suck or do we know in our heart of hearts that it really wasn't working and it really is best that they left so we can become the people we want to be not the person we were with them?
[This message edited by sorryforeverythi at 9:02 PM, February 17th (Monday)]