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Did you check the text logs? My husband's calls to OW#2 were sporadic (mutual masturbation sessions spread out at odd hours and sometimes several months apart, but followed after he had already had his one night stand with her) but there were many calls and several very long to OW#3, but it wasn't until I saw the hundreds of texts between those two that I realized just how much time was stolen from me and my children. He was literally texting his EA/ONS while in the room with me. Ugh, this still makes me incredibly sa

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Yes I did check the text logs, very voluminous. Nothing really stands out she does have Snapchat on her phone. I read somewhere that that app is considered a cheating app.

Cheating may not be a big deal to her since she is the cheater. I'm sure she will be screaming bloody murder if it was the other way around. You should use a hypothetical scenario where you are cheating on her. See what her reaction would be. UM, as long as you reinforce your your position (a deal breaker) on cheating every time she brings it up she will keep coming back and bringing back this topic as not being a big deal. She will try harder and harder to convince you. She is now desperate!

I am just taking a wait and see approach, I no longer am trying to save my marriage I just want peace of mind. I will have to confront at some point.

One thing that I have observed with my WW she is always flirting with men including my younger brother. If I say something she goes on the warpath and makes me out to be jealous and controlling . WW has also complained about me to my female cousins who she is close friends with. They are friends but I am family and I am truly a very good person and outside of this circle of clowns, I am well respected.

[This message edited by Unsureman at 9:08 AM, September 22nd (Friday)]

Nothing really stands out she does have Snapchat on her phone. I read somewhere that that app is considered a cheating app.

Snapchat, whatsapp, words with friends, all known to be cheaters apps.

I am just taking a wait and see approach, I no longer am trying to save my marriage I just want peace of mind. I will have to confront at some point.

Just prepare yourself to be blamed for her infidelities. She will try to rewrite history. Make sure to shut her down right away.

Yup. My XW did the pre-Dday staging talk about affairs with me as well.

I also quit asking for sex because she rarely ever initiated. It was maintenace sex anyeay. Funny how after us being such wonderful husbands that did more in the M than our fair share we are also responsible making our WW feel "romantic" first to get the best sex out of them. Be aware that one of the nuggets of blameshifting you may get from her after confrontation was that there was no "passion" or that you weren't "romantic" enough.

My XW also had more male friends than women. She would flirt with the male friends, calling it "just friendly banter". Her actual cheating began with a lesbian encounter with a female hockey coach that coached my boys. Then she moved on to the OM.

My XW also ran the back biting campaign on me with family and friends before her affairs started. I found this out going through her iPad after my Dday. I learned here that this is one of the common wayward behaviors in rationalizing to themselves how they deserve to cheat, to go have some secret fun on the side, to loosen their boundaries.

Know that a LOT of us men are silently nodding along reading through the red flags you are realizing and going "yup, that shut happened to me as well."

My XW suffered child abuse in the past. Did your WE as well?

My XW went on a big spending spree at Victoria Secrets, but never wore any of that shit for me. I found them tucked away way back in the drawers and still in bags hidden in the closet. Does your WW do similar?

[This message edited by Jduff at 10:20 AM, September 22nd (Friday)]

NO SOLICITING

Might help you put names to those phone numbers.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:17 PM, September 22nd (Friday)]

Oh yes, controlling.

Standard wayward stuff right there.

I'm pretty sure they have to say that, or the local Cheater's Guild fines them.

Snapchat, whatsapp, words with friends, all known to be cheaters apps.

Wool looks like I won the trifecta. She has all three of these apps.

Yup. My XW did the pre-Dday staging talk about affairs with me as well.

I also quit asking for sex because she rarely ever initiated. It was maintenace sex anyeay. Funny how after us being such wonderful husbands that did more in the M than our fair share we are also responsible making our WW feel "romantic" first to get the best sex out of them. Be aware that one of the nuggets of blameshifting you may get from her after confrontation was that there was no "passion" or that you weren't "romantic" enough.

My XW also had more male friends than women. She would flirt with the male friends, calling it "just friendly banter". Her actual cheating began with a lesbian encounter with a female hockey coach that coached my boys. Then she moved on to the OM.

My XW also ran the back biting campaign on me with family and friends before her affairs started. I found this out going through her iPad after my Dday. I learned here that this is one of the common wayward behaviors in rationalizing to themselves how they deserve to cheat, to go have some secret fun on the side, to loosen their boundaries.

Know that a LOT of us men are silently nodding along reading through the red flags you are realizing and going "yup, that shut happened to me as well."

My XW suffered child abuse in the past. Did your WE as well?

My XW went on a big spending spree at Victoria Secrets, but never wore any of that shit for me. I found them tucked away way back in the drawers and still in bags hidden in the closet. Does your WW do similar?

JDuff, your post is my story exactly but instead of a hockey coach it was a bi physchologist. This whole experience just drains every ounce of energy from me.

I'm sorry man. That's not much of a prize.

I have a question for the group, but more so the ladies, you can be blunt. My WW after the incident always tells me she can't kiss me for more than a quick kiss she turns her head away during sex. She says it's because I am big (body) and it's hard for her to breath. Is this just more BS or cheaters talk that she isn't attracted to me.

When is she due back, and when do you get an update from the PI

I agree with most posters that the PI will not obtain any evidence that you are looking for. I believe she is using this time away from you to figure out how she can get out of this mess. She's probably thinking of what she can admit that will only have minimal damage. I can assure you when the shit hits the fan, she will not admit or disclose everything. Not to make you feel worse but from the way you described your WW, there maybe more OM/OW.

You also mentioned in your previous post that your WW made a comment on how devious the OM and OW. I'm still baffled on why she would mention it. A slip? A subtle hint? Was she drunk at the time she said it? Smug remark?

Twisted WW is due back on Sunday night late.

You also mentioned in your previous post that your WW made a comment on how devious the OM and OW. I'm still baffled on why she would mention it. A slip? A subtle hint? Was she drunk at the time she said it? Smug remark?

Hotdog these comments are becoming more and more common, I feel it is like a boiling pot letting off steam. It too much to leave inside her and she is getting ready to explode. She had a few glasses of wine when she made the comments about how devious OM was. Partial truth perhaps

I'm a woman. In answer to your question, I guess it depends.

My husband is a big guy. During sex, in the missionary position, the only time I find it difficult to breath, is if he is putting his full weight on me. If he is propped up any, it's fine.

Does she kiss you when she's on top? Does she kiss you outside of having sex?

If the answer is "no," then she's using your weight as an excuse.

Assuming,of course, you have good oral hygiene.

And,also, I refused to kiss my husband when he was a smoker. He smoked, I didn't, and I found it unpleasant. So that may,or may not, factor in.

Earlier,you answered my question about why you would allow a weekend away with her OW. You said you just didn't respond quickly. Which is understandable. You were in shock. However, you now see the OW as an AP. You can tell your wife NC with her. As her husband, you have the right to tell her your boundaries. One of which should be NC with anyone she has cheated on you with during the marriage. I've seen you mention you don't want to be her warden. You need to change your perspective. It's not about being a warden. It's about no longer tolerating the enormous disrespect she's shown you.

Hotdog these comments are becoming more and more common, I feel it is like a boiling pot letting off steam.

My XW made similar comments with regard to the OBS, telling me how she is so controlling of the OM, never let's him go out and have "fun", have friends, etc...all before I even wondered if anything was going on. I thought it odd that my XW was particularly interested in the drama between the OM and OBS because she always avoided drama in the past. Her obsession got to the point that I told her she needed to back off nosing into other peoples business. Now, I can tell you that my XW was attempting to lay the groundwork for the narrative of the who, what, when, where, then why so she can blame-shift and avoid consequences. Your WW is already planning on how to spin this when the shit hits the fan for her. She's likely been gauging and measuring your responses to her suppositions on infidelity and her continued friendship with the open relationship couple.

I'm thinking when she gets back, you need to ply her with wine and have a great ole time, how much your missed her, and for her to you all about it, and just maybe she will slip up.

Have a VAR running for review.

Maybe a semen test kit before she gets to the laundry from the trip.

I think Twisted is on to something. Love bomb her when she gets home. It will be tough given what you know but think of the end game of all this. Strength to you.

She said: "Cheating is no big deal."

She has cheated in the past.

She continues to cheat.

Few faithful women will explore wine country with a woman she 'drunkenly', or 'inadvertently' became intimate with, however brief the tryst. In fact, the wife with integrity--and remorse--would run in the other direction, no prompting needed.

She cheated, if only by going on the trip itself.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 7:20 PM, September 22nd (Friday)]

did you check those numbers yet ?