SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sharkman

You don't need to wait until Monday and you most certainly do not need a long talk.

'Here are the divorce papers, I am 100% unwilling to be in an open marriage. If you do not sign these then I am prepared other alternate legal avenues to get out of infidelity as soon as possible'.

That takes 8 seconds to say. Let's be gracious and give her 30 seconds to sign. If she doesn't then go speak to a lawyer. Do not talk any more than you need. She will just try to manipulate the situation

.

This and this:

Please just fucking sign the papers

It is despicable the way she is treating you. To me the wallpaper is the final straw.

Do you really want a future with someone who can do this to you? And continue to go for his throat. I am not a BTB type person but I will make an exception in this case...

Long weekend shift is finally over, but I feel stuck in a rut. I am going to call the military in the morning to check in with them. Haven't slept tonight because I have so much on my mind. How do I get this A to end? Will exposing her tomorrow stop it? I am contacting everyone she knows here in two. And letting them all in on her dirty little secret. The one lady from the church thinks she just helping a mom with a bad husband, but she'll be shocked to learn she's been enabling a cheater. I sent a letter to his parents, her dad knows and is staying out of it. Her mom will know tomorrow. All she can say is she doesn't want to be with me anymore and wants a life with someone she's met physically twice. I just don't get it. Is that what is known as the fog? As far as the divorce paperwork, I just have to get an agreement finished at the attorneys, sign and file. 180 continues. what else can I do to wreck this affair? Any ideas?

I might not be the best person to give advice, but I'll throw in my 2 cents as it relates to my experience.

There has to come a time when you have to accept that you can't control the outcome! So lets say you are successful in completely blowing up this A and making it completely impossible for them to be together. What good is that if your WW is still madly in love with her AP, and wants him now more than ever!? She has to want to be with you. You can't force her. And the harder you try, the worse it's gonna get.

The only thing that you can control right now, is getting out of infidelity. Period! File and keep moving forward, if she chooses to want you back, you might have a chance then, but until that happens, you're not really detaching.

I hope this helps.

Excellent post @ Arbuom!

G-, don't let yourself get distracted and go down rabbit holes. If I were you, I'd be more concerned about my child who saw that wallpaper. Look into counseling for that child and all the others. They're being scarred right in front of your face and you're worried about HER?! Oh, HAYLE NAW!!!

Take care of yourself and your kids. Concurrently, check back with the Army to ask for a status and run it up the flag pole. Call your Congressman at the local office and the DC office. Work the phones.

But more importantly, FILE. Get Action, DO ACTION. Get yourself and your kids out of infidelity.

I am distracted today. In the last few weeks I have made a lot of progress. Today I just feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. As much as all of you say file file file , it isn't that simple in this case. I have to file a chapter 13 bankruptcy to save my house because when we were separated she didn't pay the payment. She didn't plan on having tondonreal world things with her limited income while she's hanging out in fantasy land. We owe the IRS A ton of money. I have to get all the financials in order so if she decides to haul ass to disneybim not stuck. She is taking her fair share.today I just feel overwhelmed, that's all. I'm the only sane one here right now and I feel a lot of stress and pressure. My job is stressful enough without all this bullshit. That's why I was asking what it will take to end the affair. I thought it might bring at least a half sane adult into the mix to help. One less stressor. That's all. Sorry if I come off as an ass but I'm tired physically and mentally right now.

My plan for now is to continue with the legal, continue with the military, tell the kids the truth about everything that's going on, I think they are old enough to know- 15 and 13- and let her see how she is destroying the family without a care or concern except for this bastard she professes to "love"

Google Dr Harley's guide to exposing an affair to children. This should have been done first thing when you found out. That oversight let the affair grow stronger.

If you cant find it let me know.

Well, if you have IRS or potential bankruptcy issues then I say talk to the lawyer about possible impacts. Perhaps the lawyer can provide referrals in order to help/guide you. Whether you or your lawyer reaches out to the the IRS and mortgage company, it's something that needs to be done regardless of R or D. Put those things under the heading of LEGAL and keep pushin.

Sorry if I come off as an ass but I'm tired physically and mentally right now.

I feel your pain, brother. I'm going through a similar hell right now.

Take a breather if you have to, don't feel pressured, do what you want to do, don't file right now if you don't want to.

But please, stop thinking that you can somehow make her love you. Or that you can do anything to control that outcome.

Strength to the both of us!

I think you are focusing too much on ending the affair and not enough on getting out of infidelity.

You could expose the OM, he could be kicked out of the military, your wife could sign over all her rights, she could abandon the kids and they could live happy forever after eating soup from cans and living in a shopping-cart. You can’t control it. You can’t make her love you.

What you can do is make the consequences of the affair as far as your marriage is concerned real.

Basically, that’s done by telling her that you won’t accept sharing her and therefore you are divorcing to terminate whatever relationship is between her and you. At that point she MIGHT wake up and decide she wants to save the marriage. It’s then your prerogative to decide if you want to or not. But right now, her actions clearly tell you she wants out.

Then you have the financial mess…

I think that might be an indirect consequence of the affair. You two no longer have your eye on the financial-ball and it’s rolling out of control.

Are you getting any legal advice? Who suggested Chapter 13 bankruptcy? Why not C 7? Why bankruptcy at all? How deep is the hole? Is it credit-cards? In whose name? What about your accounts?

Depending on the amount of debt, distribution of debt and other factors you need to learn if (a) you have options other than bankruptcy (b) what form of bankruptcy (c) file bankruptcy before or after divorce (d) what you can do to stop the financial bleed. WAAAAAYYYYY best way to do these steps is through legal advice.

Probably heard about the best way to eat an elephant? The old one bite at a time joke?

Well… That’s how you deal with your situation.

You can right now call an attorney. No I can’t afford it excuse. Find the money. Get the consultation.

You could possibly make do for now with a financial consultant. Does your mortgage provider or bank offer personal finance consultation? They don’t want you to go belly-up and are possibly willing to work with you.

Yes, do whatever it takes to save the house, which will be an asset going forward--whether to rebuild finances or as leverage in custody battle.

Talk to the IRS. Tell them your situation in detail. You'll be surprised to find out how many individuals can empathize with your situation.

Pace yourself.

And, yes, ants eat elephants one bite at a time.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 8:46 AM, September 5th (Tuesday)]

GW.

I'll keep this short again. You need to see a lawyer and you need to have her served ASAP.

Literally nothing else should be occupying you at this moment. Forget exposure until later. Forget going to the bathroom. Forget checking the weather in the morning. Literally 100% of your life force needs to be about getting in to get legal protection.

Promise me right here that you will do this in the next 24 hours. Call in sick if you have to.

I can't stress enough. THIS IS THE ONLY ITEM THAT YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT.

Who gives a shit what her mom thinks. Putting it frankly you may never ever speak to her again. You may not like this, but it's our job to present you with realities.

YOUR ONLY REALITY IS YOU NEED LEGAL PROTEXTION.

Talk to a lawyer.

Get in your car and drive around knocking on lawyer doors until one talks to you.

You are literally going to lose more than c13 protects you from if you don't talk to a lawyer this instant.

Did I mention that this is your only next step?

IF YOU DO NOT TALK TO A LAWYER NOW THEN CHAPTER 13 WILL BE A BEST CASE.

IF YOU DO NOT TALK TO A LAWYER NOW BEING AN EMOTIONAL BASKET CASE WILL BE A BAST CASE SCENARIO

PLEASE TALK TO A LAWYER

I agree.

Make it job one to get a lawyer.

Beg, borrow or plead.

Just to clarify:

Talk to a lawyer BEFORE you decide the order of (possible) bankruptcy or divorce.

Possibly a total liquidation of assets will maintain some credit-rating enabling you to restart your life.

Possibly you can take manageable financial debt out of the marriage with the divorce and avoid bankruptcy (Leaving less manageable debt with your ex and her lover boy).

Possibly you as a married couple can access otherwise inaccessible funds to pay joint debt. For example: maybe a trust-fund or inheritance she’s entitled to can pay the IRS. That’s a debt bankruptcy doesn’t remove…

The KEY is that you talk to a lawyer and then take the correct action.

Your credit apparently is already in the dumps.

Keep it simple.

When talking to lawyer, preserve assests--house, kids.

The rest of the shit will play out.

Yes it will. Having a real shit day today. In the house alone, and I just got mad as hell and started yelling at the top of my lungs as if I was talking to her. Everything I want to say as loud as I want to say it to her face, but can't. Wish I had the balls to just to out the whole thing on social media.........haven't felt like this for about a month. Don't like it. Feels like regression.

Feel like getting on her Facebook account and blocking his ass, just to fuck with them. don't like today at all.

Don't get mad. Get focused. Use this energy to move out of this situation. The longer you wait the harder it will be to get out of it. Get a lawyer today. Start calling people right now. Find out facts and then decided what direction to move forward in. Don't tell her anything.

Once you have talked to a lawyer or while your waiting write up a inventory of all assets. All bills and all accounts. Credit cards include along with retirement accounts. Document everything and keep a copy of it some where safe out of your home. Any personal possesions that you fear could be lost or stolen move them to a safe location like a family members house. Use this time to protect you.

Call the military every day until you see results. Show them everything you have.

You need to get your head out of the thoughts of saving the marriage. You need to start being focused on saving you.

Yes it will. Having a real shit day today. In the house alone, and I just got mad as hell and started yelling at the top of my lungs as if I was talking to her. Everything I want to say as loud as I want to say it to her face, but can't. Wish I had the balls to just to out the whole thing on social media.........haven't felt like this for about a month. Don't like it. Feels like regression.

Yell all you want. It's healthy. But it's not healthy until you call a lawyer. Any lawyer.

Call a lawyer. Now.

I grant you 400 top-of-the-lung yells completely guilt free if you just pick up the phone and call a lawyer for 30 seconds.

Do it now.

Have an appointment for Friday afternoon