We have a settlement
It is signed.
On Friday Atr called and asked if I could stop by his office that evening. He had received a response on our proposed Settlement Agreement from WW’s attorney. In her response, WW asked for only minor changes. She asked for 3 paintings. They are quite valuable but are in fact hers. I should have thought to include them in the original proposal. One I gave her for her 30th, one on the birth of DS and the other she bought at a charity auction (with my money mind you).
She also asked that it be written in that the children spend mother’s day with her regardless of whose weekend it is. She offered the same to me for father’s day.
We countered, saying that we would accept these demands on condition that we include clauses relating to substance abuse and “morality clauses”. We tried to explain quite clearly how these were not meant to be vindictive in any way but were being requested only in an attempt to protect 2PP.
I fully expected WW to fight me on this, especially as I believed that her not giving me any feedback on the SA, was an attempt to still try and get me to change my mind on D. I still get daily messages telling me that I am the only man she has, and ever will, love, and how crushingly lonely she is.
Instead she instructed her attorney to strengthen the clauses to the point that, if breach occurs, she loses all visitation rights. She has included mandatory twice yearly monitoring. Apparently she is very serious about getting herself fixed, and is taking solid, corrective measures. She is seeking support and joined the appropriate support groups. Her attorney told Atr that this will be her strongest motivation to be the best person she could ever be.
Atr was given this more stringent version with all the requisite signatures required from her side, already in place. All I had to do was sign and it was done.
From here I am in Atr’s capable hands and in 4 to 5 weeks I am no longer a married man.
I don’t know how to thank you all for what you have done for me. All I can think of is trying to pay it forward. I think that I still need to fix some of me, and get a bit stronger, before I get as active in JFO as what you wonderful folk are. Also I don’t yet have the wisdom that you so clearly demonstrate. But I have realised that the time zone that I am in allows me to play a small but important roll.
You will never know what it meant to me when I saw those first responses from burcm, Trtroles babypuke and beauchateaux. The sudden realisation that insignificant, little, me, sitting in an obscure spot on this lonely, spec of a planet, drifting aimlessly in the infinity and eternity of space, had been noticed and was important to folk who did not even know me but cared enough to give me time and words of solace. So, being in the time zone where I am, I am often the first to see the posts of those pained new members, sitting alone, posting anywhere between midnight and 2 am. Reaching out in agony. Just hoping to be heard. I can reach out to them, just place a comforting hand on their shoulder. Let them know that they are not alone. That they are in the right place and that shortly, wise and caring souls will stop by and give all the care and guidance to get them to a much better place. This is how I will pay it forward for now.
And I will be able to do this with conviction, because I will be speaking from the heart.
I have been given the most wonderfully warm welcome by the lovely folk in D/S. They have helped with a few matters, that one only begins to encounter when you begin the D journey. They have been kind and gentle in their support. I am hoping that some of you will pop in on my threads there from time to time. You will see healing taking place. There has even been opportunity for humour. Also, last week, possibly the best day of my entire life, when I was given a most amazing gift, by a little girl, a friend of DD. She allowed me to be there for her, and play the part of a great dad.
So thank you, thank you, thank you.
