Newbie here. I'm about 3-4 months post DD. My wife had an EA with her partnered supervisor. As far as I can tell it never progressed past racy texts and phone conversations and didn't really start until after my wife had accepted a new job and was just finishing out her contract.
I don't know anything about sexuality being fluid. WW swears that this was her first SS attraction in her 52 years on the earth. Somehow, admiration for her supervisor turned into a crush and was progressing to become a full blown PA when I found out.
We've been married over 27 years and have 3 sons. She willingly took on the role of mother. She also put on a lot of weight and soon after son #2 was born, started shutting down the intimacy to no more than once a month which soon went to less often than that. We'd not had sex in over 5 years before this came up.
I'm accepting responsibility for my part in becoming emotionally distant. I could only take rejection in the bedroom and all over the house and in life so much before I shut down myself.
This past year, she took a new teaching job in a different district and seemed to be doing quite well. I was proud of the teaching work she was doing and tried to be as encouraging as possible. I noticed that she seemed to be eating better and was losing weight and tried to compliment her as much as possible.
In March or April of this year, her weight loss was very noticeable and I even said, "You are looking great. I want to try and seduce you, but I've forgotten how,' and even told her that I was afraid of being rejected yet again. At the same time she was spending longer hours at school and was spending some social time after school with other teachers.
After I I told her that I wanted to seduce her, she seemed pretty quiet for a few days. One afternoon she came home and just said, "I guess the seducing means we just hop in bed and see what happens." So we did and it was good. From that day, she came home every day and we had sex.
I started wondering what was going on and even asked her if she had any ideas about what could have triggered this dramatic change. She said she had no idea. I started suspecting an affair almost immediately. AT the time, I only thought it would have to be another man.
I also noticed that she now had her phone with her at all times and had stopped using the voice text feature and was typing in the messages. I would find her texting early in the mornings and late in the evenings. I knew something was going on. In early to mid July I discovered that I could see a log of text messages sent on our cell phone account. One number kept coming up to the tune of thousands of messages sent and received. And the messages were coming at all hours from 5:00 a.m. until well after midnight. At the same time, she was not responding to all of my messages in a timely fashion. I could see where I would send her a message and several hours later she responded to me, but there were dozens of other messages to the same number in between. I asked her about the delay and she said that her battery was almost dead, so she had to charge her phone.
One night, after I had given her an orgasm, I said, "I want you to know that I am the best lover you will ever have." She hesitated and then said, "I've never even looked at another man." That's when I wondered if it could be another woman.
She went away to her sister's for a long weekend and to go to a concert. And yes, that was where she was. But the text delay for my messages still remained and I saw from the log that she was texting the OW. She was still giving me the excuse of her battery being drained, so I decided that I would buy her a new battery and deal with that issue.
She came home from the trip and immediately ran upstairs to the bathroom for about 20 minutes. This was after a 2+ hour drive, so not that strange. I later found out that she ran up there to masturbate after a 2+ hour phone conversation on the drive. After she came out, I asked for her phone to replace the battery. She handed it right over and it was off. I put the new battery in and set it to charging. I turned it on and the first message I saw was where she said, "I have no doubt that we will end of in bed together soon." I stunningly shut it back down and went and just stared blankly at the wall.
In a while, my wife got on the phone to text with someone and told me that her and a girlfriend were going to go out together the next day. I said, "You've been gone for 3 or 4 days and you want to go out with someone else instead of your husband and son?" and left the room.
She came upstairs and said that she would change her plans and that was okay. Went went to bed and I just laid there, with my eyes open for most of the night. I noticed that she continued to text well into the night (trying to hide it by rolling over on her side and hiding the light). After a night of no sleep for me, I finally got up around 3:00 a.m. and stood at the window staring out at the lights of the city. I glanced down and saw her phone lying there, so I picked it up and opened the messages. I was stunned, to say the least. They were planning to get together the next day and get physical. I was going to be out of town, so no one would be the wiser
I went downstairs and just sat there in disbelief. How could this be happening. She came tripping downstairs around 7 with a smile on her face and started to make her morning tea. I went to the kitchen and told her what I had discovered and that I didn't have any idea what to do about it. I told her that I had suspected something for about a month but thought it was with someone else.
She collapsed to the floor and started crying. I asked her if she was gay or bisexual and she said no, she was pretty sure she wasn't.
To make a long story even longer, over the course of several days, including while I was gone out of town, she kept up with the texting and even went and met the OW, with the intention of breaking it off. Turns out the fire had been put out, but it was still smoldering.
She had several dizzy spells and ended up going to the dr. She told the doc everything and tried to make sense of it. The doc was pretty sure she was on drugs of some sort. He did say that hormonal swings from menopause could cause it, but didn't rule out anything. Several blood draws later and other tests, he still didn't know anything other than she is very healthy.
Now, almost 4 months later, I'm still wondering what the fuck went on. She's always been straight as an arrow. We are doing all the stuff we need to in order to reconcile, but I have my periods of doubt.