Newest Member: Qashess

I Can Relate :
Support Through Prayer ...Part 3

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Hav1byte ( member #59796) posted at 1:16 AM on Friday, August 4th, 2017

Greetings,

Ive passed by this topic several times, this time i stopped to say god bless you all-

Regardless of your issues or situation - turn them over to the lord

Pray, fast, repent - put on your amours of faith - know that he is working his plan - his will, will be done

You don't need to know, understand, or even agree- what is expected is obedience to his word -

Like many here, i too have suffered, but he did not forsake me - he chastises those who he loves - its been 3 yrs since DD, and i truly wish i had surrendered sooner, but things happen for a reason -

While i do have thoughts, they are simply thoughts, i allow them to pass whether they are good or bad - in most cases i do not need to take any action - i remind myself that i belong to the lord and he is there for me

There is much evil out there, and evil will try to exploit your every weakness - know and understand this and prepare by prayer and commitment to gods word -

I truly wish this site didnt exist, but it does because of worldly choices being made - im grateful that many have come together to fight this unjust and support each other

May the lord be with you all

[This message edited by Hav1byte at 7:17 PM, August 3rd (Thursday)]

Samuel - BS

We are all Gods children - repent, pray, fast, ask for forgiveness, wisdom and guidance - he is waiting to tell you that you are forgiven, go and sin no more

posts: 361   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2017   ·   location: Las Vegas
id 7936702
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hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 3:59 PM on Friday, August 4th, 2017

From Richard Rohr

The Belly of the Whale

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

And so long as you do not know that to die is to become, you are just a wretched visitor on this dark earth. —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe [1]

Jesus’ primary metaphor for the mystery of transformation is the sign of Jonah (Matthew 12:39, 16:4; Luke 11:29). As a Jew, Jesus knew the vivid story of Jonah, the prophet who ran away from God and yet was used by God in spite of himself. Jonah was swallowed by a “big fish” and taken where he would rather not go—a metaphor for any kind of death. Then and only then will we be spit up on a new shore in spite of ourselves. Isn’t this the story of most of our lives?

Paul wrote of “reproducing the pattern” of Jesus’ death and thus understanding resurrection (Philippians 3:10-11). That teaching will never fail. The soul is always freed and formed through dying and rising. Indigenous religions speak of winter and summer; mystics speak of darkness and light; Eastern religions speak of yin and yang or the Tao. Some Christians call it the paschal mystery, and Catholics proclaim this publically at every Eucharist as “the mystery of faith.” We are all pointing to the same necessity of both descent and ascent, which is the core theme of my book Falling Upward.

“To die and thus to become” is the pattern of transformation in the entire physical and biological world. Why not the human? There seems to be no other cauldron of growth and transformation.

We seldom go willingly into the belly of the beast. Unless we face a major disaster like the death of a friend or spouse or the loss of a marriage or job, we usually will not go there on our own accord. We have to be taught the way of descent. Mature spirituality will always teach us to enter willingly, trustingly into the dark periods of life, which is why we speak so much of “faith” or trust. Transformative power is discovered in the dark—in questions and doubts, seldom in the answers. Yet this goes against our cultural instincts. We usually try to fix or change events in order to avoid changing ourselves. Wise people tell us we must learn to stay with the pain of life, without answers, without conclusions, and some days without meaning. That is the dark path of contemplative prayer. Grace leads us to a state of emptiness, to that momentary sense of meaninglessness in which we ask, “What is it all for?” It seems some form of absence always needs to precede any deepening notion of presence. Desire makes way for depth.

me-BS him-WS3 adult childrenmarried a long timeLTA 2010-2012D-day - 11-2012 status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."

posts: 2867   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2014   ·   location: sunny california
id 7937148
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 8:08 PM on Tuesday, August 15th, 2017

Please forgive me for not having read the previous 36 pages of this thread.

As a person of faith, I wanted to share some feelings that have been of concern to me lately.

Simply put, I have always considered the phrase "lost my faith" as a reference to no longer believing in a higher power.

But lately, as I consider the phrase, I see it more as losing the belief that God is going to take care of me. And in that interpretation, I have lost my faith.

The reason I have come to this conclusion is that I have so many fears.

Sadness under these circumstances (infidelity) as well as quite a few other really big challenges, in my opinion, is to be expected.

But FEAR represents - to me - a lack of faith that He will take care of me. I wake up in a cold sweat many nights wondering what will become of me and my H and my sons.

My H's business was "stolen" from him (long story) over a year ago, so we are in financial ruin, and will be losing our home and moving. Add to that unresolved infidelity, my H's severe disability, and the fact that our boys have issues from their birth mothers' alcohol / drug use during pregnancy. Just found out my sister may have to have her foot amputated, ... and the list goes on.

I don't pretend to have more problems than others, or to compare my woes with anyone else.

But it has occurred to me lately that my fears indicate a lack of trust / assurance that I will be taken care of. I repeatedly remind myself that "Him taking care of me" doesn't refer to 'fixing' the messes in my life, but watching over me and giving me the strength to survive.

But still I can't shake the feeling of having "lost my faith". And this is totally unacceptable to me.

And in keeping with the name of this thread, I don't find the comfort and strength I feel I should through prayer. I'm more of a "Can I have sharpie on the wall, please?" kind of person.

Anyway, thanks for letting me share.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 2:09 PM, August 15th (Tuesday)]

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7194   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 7947552
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SMG1986 ( member #57950) posted at 9:18 AM on Saturday, August 19th, 2017

What's right-

I, too, have a long list of troubles and will occasionally catch myself going there. Sexual abuse as a teen, a child with a terminal illness, issues with my other children, my husband with chronic illness/disability and now his affair(s).

There is a woman in my church that has lost 3 children to heart conditions. She is one of the most "faithful" people I know. I have asked her how she does it... I have never understood and feel that I would lose all hope. Her answer is very simple- this is not all there is! There is a promise of eternal happiness outside this fallen world. Our suffering here is temporary. That being said, I don't think God intends for us to live a life of suffering. He wants us to be happy during our time here as well, and He is faithful. I look at the beauty in my children, nature, friends... I even look at the grace I can see God placing in my heart for my husband- the same grace God has given me- and I just know we will be okay. No matter what.

Praying for you...

Me: BW, 32
Him: WH, 30
Us: Together 9 years
DS: 11, DS: 7, DS: 5, DD: 2

D-days:
4/2016 & 2/14/2017 with TT until 5/2017

posts: 113   ·   registered: Mar. 22nd, 2017
id 7950913
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 7:41 PM on Saturday, August 19th, 2017

WhatsRight, I too have considered this. I felt I was trying to be a good and faithful servant. So why would this happen to me? I know I haven't lost my faith although that was something I wondered at one time. But I've sure been angry at God.

I guess God never promised that real life wouldn't happen. Eden was lost to us with an apple (sin) and a weak Adam. We can regain it through Grace alone.

God didn't want robots or puppets. We made mankind with free will. Free will means the free will of others may have a dramatic impact on us and severe consequences. Real life may bring other hardships that we must bear. What God did promise us was to never leave us. That he is there to hold us and comfort us during grief and pain. I think that is what the friend of SMG holds dear and comforts her.

I think I'm getting less angry at God. I know my anger with him is misplaced but I'm stubborn. I am talking (praying) with him more but not on a frequent daily basis like I used to which were mostly prayers for guidance and thanks - short. I don't have any problem praying for others. (I didn't keep a prayer list which I should have. I thought I would remember but I don't remember everyone - maybe should start now.)

I think of the "Footprints" story about only one set of footprints in the sand when travesty strikes. It's God's footprint carrying us. I need to take that to heart.

My opinion is that if you are plagued by the feeling that you have lost your faith you probably really haven't. If it was lost and you weren't concerned that would be a different story, IMO. It doesn't mean that you aren't feeling some distance from God, probably, and that should be of concern.

JMO. Prayers.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4663   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7951141
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CharliB ( member #59007) posted at 3:33 AM on Sunday, August 20th, 2017

I have had times through the past few years of dealing with infidelity where I have been angry with God. He can handle my anger and he does. I didn't deserve what happened to me and neither did any of the BS's here IMO. God will draw closer to you when you reach out to Him. He will always be there for you. He never changes.

The truth doesn't cost you anything but a lie could cost you everything

posts: 718   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2017
id 7951433
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IceThee ( member #53715) posted at 9:26 PM on Sunday, August 20th, 2017

I have had times through the past few years of dealing with infidelity where I have been angry with God. He can handle my anger and he does

So true CharliB He did afterall create the emotions we feel.

"It's ok to not be ok"

Me: BS Him: xH (still cheating I'm sure)
Dday 1: November 2012 (didn’t realize it was a Dday until April 2018)
Dday 2: April 2016 Dday 3: July 2017
D final July 2018

"He who is without sin, cast

posts: 660   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2016   ·   location: 🌏
id 7951881
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IceThee ( member #53715) posted at 9:31 PM on Sunday, August 20th, 2017

For the past almost hour I've been listening to the song "Sometimes He Calms the Storm" on repeat... I was typing out the words and began crying. He does hold us, no matter what..

The chorus says "Sometimes He calms the storm, and with a whisper 'peace be still'... He can settle any sea, but it doesn't mean He will. Sometimes He holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild.. Sometimes He calms the storms, and other times He calms His child"

He is faithful. He will never abandon us. He will never change. He will never forget our value. We are His precious children. Hold onto Him. Don't dismiss emotions, pains, or anything, but rather lets take them to Him and let Him hold us through this. <3

"It's ok to not be ok"

Me: BS Him: xH (still cheating I'm sure)
Dday 1: November 2012 (didn’t realize it was a Dday until April 2018)
Dday 2: April 2016 Dday 3: July 2017
D final July 2018

"He who is without sin, cast

posts: 660   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2016   ·   location: 🌏
id 7951885
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 7:30 PM on Wednesday, August 23rd, 2017

SMG1986.....

Thanks.

I'm so sorry to hear about your child's condition.

Prayers for a miracle.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7194   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 7954544
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 7:36 PM on Wednesday, August 23rd, 2017

steadychevy...

I haven't really felt "anger" at God so much as frustration.

Frustration that I don't know the answer.

Frustration that I feel disconnected.

Frustration that although I'm trying my best, I can't seem to get my head above water.

I am a black/white sort of person, so I remain out of balance between "trusting in Him", and "the Lord helps those who help themselves".

Yeah, now that I think about it...there may be a bit of anger.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 7194   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 7954550
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:01 AM on Sunday, August 27th, 2017

I'm a black and white thinker as well, WhatsRight. I don't think there's a lot of gray in God's word.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4663   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7957224
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 8:41 PM on Friday, October 27th, 2017

The USA has a list of "enemies of the state" that we watch. While we sometimes take action to protect ourselves from our enemies, we almost always ramp up actions when we become aware of an enemy that is developing or has weapon of mass destruction.

I think it interesting to note when satan arrives on the scene.

It's not when the earth was completed or when God rested, didn't show up as Adam was naming the animals....it was when Adam and Eve got together.

This is telling. The union that God created between a man and a woman, the start of the family, caught satans attention and he moved into action.

Yes, there is little doubt he hates the image man and woman are made in (Gods image, and our enemy is jealous of this). They are motivating factors for satan to attack.....but Adam had that image before Eve showed up. Satan didn't attack when it was just Adam.

There is real power in the way things work as God designed them to. And the power a marriage can produce is noteworthy. Satan took note upon its inception. What if a motivating factor for satan to take action on the first marriage was, in part, partially motivated because he feared the power it would\could tap into?

I am no longer surprised at how husband, wife and family are attacked by the enemy....have come to expect it. But I also expect to do what the truth is....that with our Fathers help we can resist the evil one. Actually...we are called to do that very thing, in the many forms it takes.

AND it helps me to view the coming of the second Adam as I perceive it to be.....an act of war upon the evil one that ultimately ransomed us from the sin that satan tries hard to bind us down with.

The battle is real....stay frosty.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 8009795
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northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 9:04 PM on Friday, October 27th, 2017

blakesteele, I agree with you that satan really is on the prowl to destroy marriages.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8009817
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BrokenheartedWif ( member #40955) posted at 12:07 PM on Saturday, October 28th, 2017

Satan has a special hatred for women and marriage. He does every thing he can to destroy both. Marriage is supposed to be God centered, and represent our union with Christ. Is it any wonder Satan is out to destroy it anyway he can.

He claims he loved me the whole time of his LTA. I'm not sure I'll survive his kind of love. Whorena The Cumdumpster pretended to be my friend the entire time as well. I'll take an enemy any day of the week.

posts: 934   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Central IN
id 8010145
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hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 2:00 PM on Wednesday, November 15th, 2017

Thought I would share an article from Fr. Ron Rohlheiser

Cataclysms of the Heart

There are times when the world unravels. Who hasn’t had this feeling? “I’m falling apart! This is beyond me! My heart is broken! I feel betrayed by everything! Nothing makes sense any more! Life is upside down!”

Jesus had a cosmic image for this. In the gospels, he talks about how the world, as we experience it, will someday end: “The sun will be darkened, the moon will not give forth its light, stars will fall from heaven, and the powers of heaven will be shaken.” When Jesus says this, he is not talking as much about cosmic cataclysms as of cataclysms of the heart. Sometimes our inner world is shaken, turned upside down; it gets dark in the middle of the day, there’s an earthquake in the heart, and we experience, in effect, the end of the world as we’ve known it.

But, Jesus assures us too, in this upheaval, one thing remains the same: the word of God, God’s promise of fidelity. That doesn’t get turned upside down and, in our disillusionment, we are given a chance to see what really is of substance, permanent, and worthy of our lives. Thus, ideally at least, when our trusted world is turned upside down we are given the chance to grow, to become less selfish, and to see reality more clearly.

Christian mystics call this “a dark night of the soul” and they write it up as if God was actively turning our world upside down and causing all this heartache deliberately to purge and cleanse us.

John of the Cross, the great Spanish mystic, puts it this way: God gives us seasons of fervour and then takes them away. In our seasons of fervour, God gives us consolation, pleasure, and security (sometimes with considerable passion and intensity) inside our relationships, prayer, and work. As a gift from God this is meant to be enjoyed. But, John tells us, God will, at a certain point, take away the pleasure and consolation and we will experience a certain dark night, namely, where we once felt fire, passion, consolation, and security, we will now feel dryness, boredom, disillusion, and insecurity. For John of the Cross, all honeymoons eventually end.

Why? Why would God do this? Why can’t a honeymoon last forever?

Because eventually, though not initially, it blocks us from seeing straight. Initially all those wonderful feelings we feel when we first fall in love, when we first begin to pray deeply, and when we first begin to find our legs in the world, are part of God’s plan and God’s lure. The passion and consolation we feel help lead us out of ourselves, beyond fear and selfishness. But, eventually, the good feelings themselves become the problem because we get hung-up on them rather than on what’s behind them.

Honeymoons are wonderful, but, on a honeymoon, generally we are more in love with being in love and all the wonderful energy this creates than we are in love with the person behind all those feelings. The same is true for faith and prayer. When we first begin to pray seriously, we generally are more in love with the experience of praying and what it’s doing for us than we are in love with God. On any honeymoon, no matter how intense and pure the feelings seem, those feelings are still very much about ourselves and not about the person we think we love. That is why, sadly, many a warm, passionate honeymoon eventually turns into a cold, passionless relationship.

Until we are purified, and we are purified precisely through dark nights of disillusionment, we are too much seeking ourselves in love and in everything else. Therese of Lisieux used to warn: “Be careful not to seek yourself in love, you’ll end up with a broken heart that way!” We’d have less heartaches if we understood that. As well, before we’re purified, most of the tears we shed, no matter how real the pain or loss, say more about us than they say about the person or situation we are supposedly mourning.

In all this, there’s both bad news and good news: The bad news is that everything we feel as precious will someday be taken from us. Everything gets crucified, including every feeling of warmth and security we have. But the good news is that it will all be given back again, more deeply, more purely, and even more passionately in terms of feeling.

What dark nights of the soul, cataclysms of the heart, do is to take away everything that feels like solid earth so that we end up in a free-fall, unable to grab on to anything that once supported us. But, in falling, we also get closer to bedrock, to God, to reality, to truth, to each other, beyond illusions, beyond selfishness, and beyond manipulative love masquerading as something else. Clarity eyesight comes after disillusionment, purity of heart comes after a certain kind of heartache, and real love comes after the honeymoon.

me-BS him-WS3 adult childrenmarried a long timeLTA 2010-2012D-day - 11-2012 status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."

posts: 2867   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2014   ·   location: sunny california
id 8024469
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Lily12 ( member #60784) posted at 10:30 PM on Thursday, November 23rd, 2017

Hi all! I could use a lot of support about revenge. I am a Christian and deeply believe that it is not my place to seek vengeance on the MOW. However, it is very hard as she is very successful YouTube personality.

Have any of you had experience with this? I could definitely use some prayer support in this. I’m really struggling. I haven’t gotten to the forgiveness place yet.

Lily

posts: 107   ·   registered: Sep. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 8031533
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Catch44 ( member #49899) posted at 5:43 PM on Friday, November 24th, 2017

Lily12, I understand what you are feeling. The sense of missing justice. I will say a prayer for you and me today.

*Lord Jesus Christ, God. I pray that you would be with Lily12 today. I pray for peace for her. I pray that you would strengthen her and remind her of your love and kindness for her. Send someone or something to speak into her life today in an impactful way so she can feel that you are there with her. In your name.*

I was reading Psalm 50; 13-15 and am asking for prayer.

I am struggling because I feel God has sent "signs" and people when I ask is my marriage going to heal. I feel that I need to finish my vow of marriage well by reaching divorce without finding another relationship to escape the pain.

I put my ring back on this morning because I feel my vow is with/to God. Obedience is God's love language right?

My struggle is either I misread what I thought God was saying and then I question my ability to "sense" his will, or there is healing coming in what seems to be an impossible situation. What seems like it should be an impossible situation because I am being further traumatized in the process.

I asking that whoever reads this would say a prayer for me. Thanks.

[This message edited by Catch44 at 11:53 AM, November 24th (Friday)]

Me: BH
3 kids. M 17year. 4 PA's. 4 Ddays
Progressing toward divorce.
“Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.”

posts: 703   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2015
id 8031982
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Lily12 ( member #60784) posted at 9:02 PM on Friday, November 24th, 2017

Catch44:

I will be praying for you today.

Thanks

Lily

posts: 107   ·   registered: Sep. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 8032095
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 12:33 AM on Saturday, November 25th, 2017

Prayers for Lily and Catch. In my prayers I always ask for strength of mind and clarity of thought. I'm praying that for you as well.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4663   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8032194
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IceThee ( member #53715) posted at 1:25 AM on Wednesday, November 29th, 2017

Hello Everyone :)

May I humbly ask for your prayer support for a hearing that will happen Thursday... ?

It is to ask that my WH be required to give me more support (financial) while we are waiting for the D. He has not supported much, and wasted so much on OW and I have been dependent on family and friends. (This isn't a sob story, wanted to give some background). While I am confident in the Lord to provide, I do emphatically believe WH should be responsible. I am unable to work right now for many reasons.

Thank you so much <3

and please keep this forum going !

[This message edited by IceThee at 7:26 PM, November 28th (Tuesday)]

"It's ok to not be ok"

Me: BS Him: xH (still cheating I'm sure)
Dday 1: November 2012 (didn’t realize it was a Dday until April 2018)
Dday 2: April 2016 Dday 3: July 2017
D final July 2018

"He who is without sin, cast

posts: 660   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2016   ·   location: 🌏
id 8035001
Topic is Sleeping.
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