SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I immediately asked her to change it to a room with two beds, and Brad, jerk that he is, put on this real exaggerated effeminate voice and whispered to her confidentially, “that’s because Walloped always hogs the blankets, the bitch.” We were off to a great start.

I like Brad.

I'm glad you're having a good time away, walloped. You needed it. and I'm SO, so glad to hear that you are keeping in contact with the kids while you are gone. Two thumbs up.

As to the person who was causing the ruckus here...all I can say is, don't engage the crazy, people. Y'all put that comma wherever you want it.

The only people I've ever seen object to a poly, or claim that they were inappropriate for taking first steps toward rebuilding trust, were either never touched by infidelity in the first place, so it was just a hypothetical situation anyway that they couldn't really "get", or they were waywards themselves, and regardless of the circumstances, couldn't tolerate the level of vulnerability a poly introduces the wayward to endure that might give them even a remote idea of how much trust they've lost...

So Walloped, someone here told you you should read and post on Betrayed Menz thread, that you would fit well there.

Well .... Um ...before you apply to join you need to check out page 7 of that thread because, well, you have admitted a short while ago that you drank a Rogue beer and implied that you liked it. Some of the guys on p7 of Menz might blackball your application for that ...... Unless of course you recant to liking it or if you swear it was not in a pepto bismal pink bottle!!

Brad is clearly a good man and a great friend. I was in Phoenix once in the summer. I'm afraid I would say enjoy your hike up Camelback and when you get to the top call and let me know you are ok. I guess I am not good friend material.

I am glad you went to the Phoenician. I think it is the finest hotel I have ever been in anywhere. Are you old enough to remember quite a while back when a guy named Keating was convicted of looting a huge savings bank named Lincoln that he was CEO of? Keating built the Phoenician (guess where the money to build allegedly came from). And to get back to the Camelback hike, I am a wimp. You know there are rattlesnakes all over that mountain? I just hiked around the north edge of the hotel propery where it abuts the golf course once (and just for a short distance) and I saw a big one.

Keep enjoying! This is the best thing you could do for yourself. No need to rush decisions. I agree with Eric; you will know when you know. Peace. And stay safe!

Walloped

Enjoy your vacation. It will be over soon enough and then you will be back to reality.

And tell Brad to stop being a pussy. Golf is for wimps.

Hiking is where it's at for a real man.

I have done most of those excursions and they are awesome.

If you get back towards Tuscon go to AMARC at th Davis-Monthan AFB.

http://www.amarcexperience.com/ui/

or the Air museum across the street. It is really great exercise and fun to see.

http://www.pimaair.org/

Have a few more beers and enjoy the heat with Brad!

HM

The view from the top of Camelback has to be one of the best anywhere. Parking was always a nightmare, though.

Golf is for wimps.

Not in Arizona. Golf is for masochists. It's 110+ on the golf course, and there's always this possibility...

Wow…am I ever thankful for my extremely remorseful WH, whose response to all of the shit flinging I directed at him post Dday was, "I know, I deserve that"

Sorry, this is one BS who has no regrets about anything that I said or did post dday. Sometimes I think my WH is lucky he is still breathing.

Much like your WW, my WH expressed great remorse and sadness over the shit storm he created. He swore that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to me, and our children. It will be 5 years this October and he continues to walk the walk daily. He has become a better H, father, human being. I swear to you we survived this nightmare. I have NO regret about R. I never dealt with false R or broken NC and I am happy. In my darkest days I never thought I would say this but,,, LIFE IS GOOD.

There is hope, Walloped. With a deeply remorseful WS, one who is 100% accountable and truly committed to R, there is hope that one can rebuild a collapsed M.

Honestly, from what I have read your WW certainly seems to be on the right track. Time will tell if she is genuine. Travel the path of R cautiously but with hope.

Wishing you strength.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 1:49 AM, September 2nd (Wednesday)]

I know that we were supposed to give Wallup some time, but man do I miss that guy

If he’s playing golf he probably fell asleep from boredom…

(coming form a guy that thinks 9 holes is 7 too many and 18 holes is 16 too many…)

So, I’m back in NY at my brother’s.

The rest of my Arizona trip was simply phenomenal but very emotional. After a stop at Montezuma’s castle, which was really cool (thanks again h0peless), we drove up to Sedona. The red rock canyons? Sandstones? Whatever they’re called, are simply beautiful. Straight out of a movie, which makes sense since I was told that a good deal of filming is done here. We took a 3 hour jeep tour, which was fantastic. I know there are no solicitations here, so I’ll just say that our jeep was hot pink. Really cool people to deal with and fantastic guide. Our tour was a combo one, off-roading on what is called the Broken Arrow trail as well as a scenic tour. Tons of fun in one of the most beautiful places in the country.

Across the street from the jeep tour was a little shop with the best fudge I’ve ever tasted. We were walking down the street and the smell just wafts out into the street and before I knew it we were inside just inhaling the stuff. Sedona Fudge Company. Really heavenly. Really weird thing that happened with that fudge (Hey! Get your mind out of the gutter!). I bought some to bring home to my wife. How screwed up is that? She’s a choco-holic and I couldn’t help but think that my wife would love this and so I bought a bunch for her. It was so normal for me. We’re both like that. Whenever either of us are someplace and see something we think the other will like or enjoy, we buy it for each other. I wasn’t even thinking about what I was doing. I just bought and commented to Brad that I gotta buy this for Mrs. Walloped. Brad didn’t say anything until we walked out. There I was holding a bag of fudge and he was just looking at me funny. And then he asked me if I was okay, and I said sure. Mrs. Walloped is going to love this. And then it hit me. I stared at the bag and I looked back and Brad and then I broke down smack in the middle of the street. I got so messed up about it. Because why hadn’t she been thinking of me when she had her affair? I’m sure she was someplace and she would have seen something that would have triggered a “You know, Walloped would really like this,” thought and then maybe she would have realized what she was doing? Or did she just suppress all those thoughts, I don’t know.

Of course, now I don’t know whether to give it to her or not – does it send a message? Is that a good thing, bad thing? I have no freaking clue.

Anyway, after I collected myself, we got a bite to eat and headed up to the Grand Canyon (we didn’t go to Jerome or Oak Creek -sorry Canoe, saw your post too late). I had booked us a room at the Yavapai Lodge, which was a nice, simple place, and pretty decent location for a really late booking. After checking in, we took a couple of shuttles to Hopi Point to watch the sunset. Got there about 45 minutes before and settled in. It was one of the most breathtaking things I’ve ever seen in my life. I didn’t even realize I was crying until Brad handed me a couple of napkins. I think I’ve said before that I’m not a crier. Can’t say that anymore. I feel like I’ve been crying for 4 weeks straight. I do remember sitting there, and thinking how I wished it was my wife with me to witness this beauty. How much she’d love it. And that there are beautiful things in this world and so many blessings, and that I should be grateful for what I do have and stop pitying myself. And then I prayed. Silly, huh? At the Grand Canyon. I just saw it as a Divine place and so I asked for guidance and strength and that whatever path I choose, it should be for the right reasons. I prayed for my kids. That they should come through all of this alright. And I prayed for my wife. Is that weird? I couldn’t help it. I prayed that she finds what she needs to heal herself and maybe heal us. And that she should have the strength to do what she thinks is right.

We wanted to hike down the canyon, so Tuesday we got up really early and were on the South Kaibab Trail by 6:30 in the morning. Went past Ooh Aah Point and then stopped a bit at Cedar Ridge, which is roughly 1.5 miles down and halfway to Skeleton Point. We rested there before heading back up. It reminded me of the Piestawa Peak trail given the steps, but we now had to navigate around the mule pies. The views were out of this world. Truly amazing. Took a little over 5 hours for the whole hike (we were pretty quick going down, but it took nearly double going back up). Much, much steeper and tougher hike getting back up, than we had thought, but it wasn’t too crazy. No shade and the heat was pretty bad on the way up. By the way, Brad’s new name is now Wuss. He kept saying how he couldn’t wait to go back to the spa at the Phoenician and get a pedi.

After lunch, we made the 4 hour drive back to the Phoenician. We split the driving this time as our thighs were killing us. Dinner, beer outdoors at the fire pit. Slept a little late yesterday and had a real relaxing, veg-out type of day. Swim in the morning before a late check out and then went to Old Town Scottsdale to check out the art galleries, before catching our flight back to NY. Got in early this morning. Took a cab to my brother’s house. Was weird not to be going to mine.

And here I am. I’ve got IC tonight. That should be fun. I’m going to stop off at the house and pick up the kids for dinner. Looking forward to that. Bought them some crap from Arizona. Got myself a t-shirt from Sedona that says “If a man speaks in the desert and there’s no woman around, is he still wrong?” I think I’m going to bring the fudge. Don’t know if I’m doing it for the right reasons though. Maybe it’s coming from a moral superiority stance? Sort of, “See? I think of you. Why the hell didn’t you think of me?”

Anyway, all in all, getting away was a really excellent idea (if I may say so myself). I had a blast. Brad’s a great guy. Beautiful part of the country, beautiful resort, awesome vistas and hiking. Heat sucks, but hey, you can’t have everything.

Now, back to the grind. At least I don’t go back to work until after the holiday. Hope you all have been doing well.

-W

I think I’m going to bring the fudge. Don’t know if I’m doing it for the right reasons though.

For some odd reason this reminds me of that scene from The Godfather, "Leave the gun, bring the cannoli."

Give her the fudge, for the reason you bought it when you weren't thinking about it. You just wanted her to taste that fudge. It'll totally mess with her head.

[This message edited by HouseOfPlane at 8:39 AM, September 3rd (Thursday)]

Don't over think the fudge. It was a nice thing.

And prayer? That will be remembered by you as all time great prayer. Good for you! Great place to pray!

Later, with more time, I'll tell you about a funny experience in one off those Sedona shops...

Welcome back. Ya done good.

Once again Walloped – she didn’t cheat because of you. When with OM you didn’t exist. Just the fact she held hands with OM in public should sort of drive that home.

It breaks down to which is worse: Being so insignificant in her thought process that she can omit you from it or being so callous that she can carry on cheating while thinking of you. It’s a totally non-winnable situation.

Like I suggested in an earlier post: Try to think of her as two people: WW and W. The fudge is for the W.

Walloped, glad your home safe. We went PINK last summer at the Hoover Dam & Damn, those guys are the best! Fudge is just what the doctor ordered. Just like in your job, over analysis will lead to continued paralysis. TRUST YOUR GUT! Time now for prayer, reflection & healing. Our prayers are today for you & your wife.

Bring her the fudge. If anything it will make you feel better because you are staying true to your own self. If she is indeed remorseful and has a conscience it will both amplify her guilt and confirm that you are the better person; it will help the possible R if you choose to do so because she will not feel totally rejected. Had she been defiant and hostile I would have thought otherwise. Glad you had a good time in Arizona. Those places are indeed breath taking.

RE: Thinking of your WW.

I'm 15 months past my last DDay (#853), 2 months past by divorce being finalized. I'm happy as hell that I'm divorced from her.

But yep, I still go places/do things and think, wow, xWW would love this. Or, I wish xWW was here to see this. Even though I have a GF; hell, I might even be with her when I think it.

We can't turn off decades (25 years for me) of emotions and thought processes. It takes time.

My vote: Give her fudge.

Thinking of your WW by buying the fudge says a lot.

It says that you still care and want what you had before. That you really do want to R and keep your family.

Take her the fudge and maybe ask her to join you and your kids for diner. Who knows, you might like it.

Whenever either of us are someplace and see something we think the other will like or enjoy, we buy it for each other. I wasn’t even thinking about what I was doing. I just bought and commented to Brad that I gotta buy this for Mrs. Walloped. Brad didn’t say anything until we walked out. There I was holding a bag of fudge and he was just looking at me funny. And then he asked me if I was okay, and I said sure. Mrs. Walloped is going to love this. And then it hit me. I stared at the bag and I looked back and Brad and then I broke down smack in the middle of the street. I got so messed up about it. Because why hadn’t she been thinking of me when she had her affair? I’m sure she was someplace and she would have seen something that would have triggered a “You know, Walloped would really like this,” thought and then maybe she would have realized what she was doing? Or did she just suppress all those thoughts, I don’t know.

At some point in the future you might want to share that experience with her. This both explains your deep love for her and the pain you feel because she also triggers you, and how that will ebb and flow as you continue to heal.

I also think you should give her the fudge. You should because that's what YOU do and longtime sucker said it best about staying true to yourself. Don't let the whole experience change the good in you. Just make changes to make your self even better.

Just to throw my two cents in with the "give her the fudge" crowd.

You should because that's what YOU do

walloped - i don't want to be a downer here, but there is something I want you to be aware of.

Remember when I told you that after you wife found out POS was married, she would have an enormous desire to break NC just to talk to him and ask him about this? She had been lied to and wanted to hear what he had to say for himself. So she called him. Well...it didn't go well for him. I may be overly suspicious, but I believe that he won't let it sit at that. He will want to save face. I think he will try to contact your wife and make amends. He'll want to say that he wanted to tell her the truth, that his marriage was basically over anyway, that your wife is special to him, and could he just meet her one more time to explain.

I may be wrong, but I think you need to be aware of this possibility. The guy is a manipulator.

to my mind, there is no need to tell this to your wife. You've made yourself clear. Just see what happens. But what if it DOES happen? What if he calls and she doesn't tell you? What if she talks to him? what if she meets him? do you have deal breakers? You need to think about this.

I'm sorry to bring this up. but everything is still very fresh for you, your wife, and the OM.