Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Before you say reconcile...Recover!

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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:37 AM on Thursday, May 26th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7566206
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:37 AM on Thursday, May 26th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7566207
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:00 PM on Friday, June 3rd, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7573465
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Lyonesse ( Member #32943) posted at 1:42 AM on Wednesday, June 8th, 2016

bump for newbies

Me: BS, 40's.

posts: 1956   ·   registered: Jul. 29th, 2011   ·   location: West Coast
id 7576632
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 6:38 PM on Wednesday, June 15th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7582948
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:22 PM on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7588365
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 1:10 AM on Tuesday, July 19th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7610845
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:26 PM on Thursday, August 4th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7624787
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:12 PM on Thursday, August 18th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7637436
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cantaccept ( Member #37451) posted at 1:21 AM on Monday, August 22nd, 2016

bump

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 7640265
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cantaccept ( Member #37451) posted at 1:21 AM on Monday, August 22nd, 2016

bump

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 7640267
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:38 PM on Thursday, September 8th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7655256
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hard_yards ( Member #23549) posted at 12:38 PM on Sunday, September 11th, 2016

bump


I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

posts: 1383   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2009
id 7657804
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 4:51 PM on Wednesday, October 5th, 2016

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 7678318
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 2:01 AM on Wednesday, October 26th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7693368
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OneInTheSame ( Member #49854) posted at 8:10 AM on Wednesday, October 26th, 2016

We are a little past the one year mark out from D-Day, and this is good to review to see if we have made progress. I have been re-reading my diary from a year ago, and plan to continue to see if there are any issues that are being swept.

Today I can see that there is a lot of work still to be done, and that there are some issues being swept, or tabled, or minimized.

One thing I might suggest be added to this advice is to be wary of shopping for happiness. We tend to have lots of fun shopping, but we really don't need anything after being together for nearly two decades! I think we have replaced real intimacy with the high we get from picking out a new wine, or adding to our collection of "bee" tablewares. We have gotten some false feelings of recovery, only to be unable to handle the next trigger and be almost back to square one!

(I edit to correct typos)
I am the BS in a lesbian marriage. My WW's ex-girlfriend was the AP.
D-day of the 6 mo A was 10/04/15
We are doing okay, but by now I wanted it to be better

posts: 2484   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2015   ·   location: Pacific Northwest
id 7693525
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20yrsagoBS ( Member #55272) posted at 2:07 AM on Monday, November 7th, 2016

Just bumping for anyone who might need it

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 7702392
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WhoIsHe ( Member #55726) posted at 6:50 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2016

Great information. I'm going to print this and bring it to my WS.

Me: WS 36
Him: BS 39
No children
D day 9/2016 Fake R. Broke NC. "In love with whore" until he wasn't anymore.
Divorced 4/2017

posts: 118   ·   registered: Oct. 23rd, 2016   ·   location: Maryland
id 7702917
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Inminnesota ( Member #55704) posted at 1:12 AM on Wednesday, November 9th, 2016

As I've been struggling to compose a contract of sorts for what I need for R, this is invaluable.

Me: BGF 40
Him: WBF 35
Together 5 years
Dday: 9/27/16 more hookers and random hook ups than I can count

posts: 91   ·   registered: Oct. 20th, 2016   ·   location: MN
id 7704009
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MultiplePain ( Member #54608) posted at 5:22 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2016

bump,

VERY GOOD READ!

BS:46
STBXSAWH:41 (lostinthewoods12)
3 kids,2 angel babies
3 PAs, Too many OEAP (with Sexting) to count... from 2011-17
long version in my profile

posts: 182   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2016   ·   location: Wi
id 7713162
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