Newest Member: Hurt2016

Just Found Out :
Before you say reconcile...Recover!

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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 12:17 AM on Tuesday, January 19th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7452681
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 11:22 PM on Tuesday, January 26th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7460539
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Katrina2000 ( Member #51142) posted at 11:35 PM on Tuesday, January 26th, 2016

Beautiful. A must read.

posts: 276   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2016
id 7460561
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Ohanabee ( New Member #51232) posted at 1:55 AM on Wednesday, January 27th, 2016

Thank you.

"Ohana means family. And family means nobody gets left behind...or forgotten." Unless you betray us. Then your Ohana will unleash the demon dogs of Hell.

posts: 5   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2016
id 7460701
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GarlicBread ( Member #51535) posted at 2:40 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

I wish I'd found this place after D-Day 2. What a wealth of brilliant insight and resources.

34 year old BW with an amazing 10 year old Minion and clever 4 year old Mini-Me and a serially cheating STBXWH.

DDay 1 - 11/2014
DDay 2 - 11/2015
DDay 3 - 01/2016
DDay 4 - 11/2016
DDay 5 - 7/18 <- last one!

Every year, in November. Ha.

posts: 200   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2016
id 7462195
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TwoStepsForward ( Member #51300) posted at 5:46 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

Excellent!!!

Me BW 47, him WH 49
M 23, 2 teens
DDays 2011, 2014, 2016, TT extreme, SA?
Wouldn't know the truth without the poly.
** Get a polygraph done!! **

posts: 460   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2016   ·   location: Flyover Country USA
id 7462424
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Gloomyfish77 ( Member #50540) posted at 5:51 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

I have copied and pasted this....ready to read with my WH tonight.......he doesn't know it yet :-)

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too."

posts: 1040   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2015   ·   location: England
id 7462437
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theDrifter ( Member #48361) posted at 8:01 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

This counsel & advice is not perfect by any means but it is a great start for any couple dealing with infidelity. I wish to all things holy that I could have had access to so much wisdom on my d-day. Just knowing that what I was feeling was normal would have helped, but the guidance regarding how hard reconciliation really is would have cemented my decision to divorce. Instead I swallowed my pain and just prayed that time would heal my wounds. It didn't.

ME 62 BH
Her 60 WW

We remain unhappily married.

posts: 302   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2015   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 7462587
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 8:52 PM on Wednesday, February 17th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7481765
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hurdlestocross ( Member #51840) posted at 6:30 PM on Thursday, February 18th, 2016

That comment towards the end about not making your marriage child centered is frustrating. One of my husband's excuses was that he felt we didn't have a relationship and that it was all about the kids.

I always tried to keep in contact with my husband during the day, wanted to cuddle with him, complimented him, spend time with him, etc. He was more distant from me than I was to him. We do have multiple small children, however. I don't enjoy their excessive dependency, but what choice do I have? Should I neglect them so he feels special?

posts: 150   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2016
id 7482698
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Fireball72 ( Member #20152) posted at 7:25 PM on Thursday, February 18th, 2016

Thanks. This article is very helpful.

BS (me):44 WS (him):42
Married 3.5 years, together 5.5
D-Day #1 - 2/10/16
D-Day #2 - 2/20/16
D-Day #3 - 5/27/16, different woman
Separated 6/3/16
H is asking for R. I don't know what I want.

posts: 722   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: The Chesapeake Bay
id 7482797
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zzx8417 ( New Member #52000) posted at 5:44 AM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2016

Bump

posts: 39   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2016
id 7492311
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Skynet ( Member #51604) posted at 5:12 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2016

Great insight. Printing later for continued reference. Hell I'll even print one for my IC. Even though he won't "need" it it may just help someone else.

"An affair is a dagger in your heart, that is never removed." - me
"Devastatingly betrayed" - confused615

posts: 176   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2016   ·   location: Deep south
id 7493572
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 6:57 PM on Monday, March 21st, 2016

BUMP

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7508554
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 2:37 PM on Sunday, April 3rd, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7519776
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Lovingmyselfmore ( Member #46119) posted at 12:16 AM on Saturday, April 23rd, 2016

bumping

dday: september-12-2014
Me: 42 EX: 46 gay or bisexual (go figure!) together: 12 years
Dday to 3 months: suicidal 1 year after: huge depression- 1.5 years still kind of depressed-Took me 2.5 years to be kind of happy again

posts: 1076   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2014
id 7536609
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 7:01 PM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7539572
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 3:25 AM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7545463
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mchercheur ( Member #37735) posted at 10:42 PM on Thursday, May 5th, 2016

bump

Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011
Married 31+ years/Together 32+ years/4 kids together
OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids
Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be

posts: 2685   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2012
id 7548372
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minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 3:04 AM on Thursday, May 12th, 2016

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7554252
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