SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for telling the OM's betrayed spouse.

k9

I decided the OM's wife should know so I called her.

It is an honorable thing to do. Plus after I did the same thing, I felt much better. My pride and ego increased a notch after exposing the OM as the POS he is.

Just another member here who is commending the actions that you have taken. Your hurt is no less than any others' here, but your decisive actions will get you to a better place much quicker than many of us.

Good for informing the OM's wife. Even though she is currently shocked, she will soon...like you...be able to make informed decisions about her own life. Also, there is nothing wrong with taking some satisfaction that this weasel will also receive some consequences.

Enjoy your next 2 days.

You are handling this well.

I have to hand it to your ww - taking responsibility and telling your children the reason for the divorce is a good thing. I was a little worried what they would have said if you told them. I am not sure many ww are up to that.

Hi spaceghost,

Sorry to hear/read what you had/have to go through. I had to back in 1999 together/married for 25 years 3 kids dog fence house. been there done that.

Yes it sucks when this happens very sad not sure what to do, but I know what I had to do. the same thing your doing now..........

divorce -- haven't talked or seen her since the divorce. She made me sick, she did not look the same to me anymore. I was discussed with what she had done. Yes, "USED" goods. Sneaking, lieing, talking bad about me to make herself look great.

I called her Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Two different personalities.

I never even gave her a chance to talk explain etc. I didn't want to know about anything. did not want that garbage in my head. To this day though every once in awhile I still have thoughts. but it was not as bad when I found out.

She thought it was all just too fun and funny. Maybe because we married young.

I hear every once in a while from my ex mother - in - law she is not doing well with this guy. They did marry each other, but he lived with his mom and step dad in a trailer and my ex to be had nowhere to go, so they stayed with each other no matter how bad it is/was for them. Better him then me, whew!!

Your ex wife to be from what you have said sounds like she knew what she was doing and really did not care along with her friend. they both said to keep in cheating, just one big joke. total disrespect. People would say.... why would you divorce someone so beautiful, to me she was the ugliest person alive and a personality the same.

There has always been a rumor that my oldest girl may not be mine, I really do not wish to take the DAN test, why screw me and my gurl up more because of my ex.

Fishing is my weak spot, it relaxes me to no end and I never get bored.

So keep to your guns and keep your respect that you have given to yourself, because your ex-to-be did not give you ant respect screwing some guy then coming home to tell you "I love you" and to then have sex with you?!! What kind of sick stuff is that. Starting to sound like my ex.

When your ever in doubt, just listen back to the voice tape, hear how much it was just a joke. Giving herself to another guy. How would she take it if she heard you do the same thing she has been doing.

Most all come to saying I am so sorry I love you, but still continue to play with the same guy or some other guy later one.

My ex was/is cheating on the guy that she married and he on her. What kind of relationship/marriage is that?

If my ex came back today, I would call the police. I can never trust her again, with the disrespect to me and the kids and really to both of out families, Her whole family has disowned her and they all invite me over to their house for talks and holidays.

It is up to you and i know you respect yourself. just do not do it to yourself and give her a chance to fix everything. All that you will do is wonder......... What is she doing, where is she, who is she talking to, etc. just do not put yourself through it. Keep on the same path you told yourself you were going to do and keep on golfing. do not ever feel guilty, because she will try and do that to you. When things have settled a bit she might turn and become angry and nasty.

It is just really sad people do this to someone they say they love? Why do they? what reasoning do they have behind what they have done?

so SpaceGhost, hang in there your doing good do not give yourself up. now it is all about you and the kids, she blew it!!

will wait and see how your talk comes out. don't be a stranger , even tho we are to each other and others here, lol.

I didn't proof read this so not picking on me if words are out of sort, I am in a hurry have to meet up with a "TRUE" buddy friend.

CR

SpaceGhost: You are handling the most difficult of situations with such grace and civility. Thank you for informing the OM's wife; she needed to know.

Take care of you, take special care of your children right now; they may be almost adults but they're still at an age where parents and sane guidance are needed. Our daughters were adults at the time of the A; believe me, they hurt no less at that age. Same as with you, their world as they knew it was blown away.

Stay the course. I wish I had been 1/10 as strong and decisive as you've shown yourself to be since D-Day. (((( ))))

You are a champ even though right now you don't feel like it.

Let the d play out it will take time.

Your w-so far- is in the 3 to 5 percent range that actually realized they fucked up but I can see why you are set on d because of the lies.

Just take your time and great job letting his wife know.

Be prepared on Sunday for a full on assault with every wile and charm, crying and begging, on her knees, pleading, appealing to your good nature, throwing in the kids and your extended family, intellectualizing to the point of trying to lawyer you out of what you know, you name it.

Simultaneously, she will try to minimize, deflect, lie, avoid, blame others, suggest she is a victim, conjure up excuses upon excuses, you name it.

She will pummel you with questions about how you found out, and try to milk everything you know, so she can tell when to lie and minimize.

She will try to get you to reconsider, to wait, to talk to this one and that one, and try to bargain for more time. She will throw in you faith, your upbringing, your core decency, the pain you will cause her and others, you name it. She will want you to do more of what you are doing now, showing pity.

In short, this will not be the time to get details, and not the time to get any clear answer as to why. That may be for another day, but not Sunday.

One final thing, no matter what she says or does, if you are still resolved, do not under any circumstances have sex with her. Once you go down that road it will be like trying to get away from a tar baby. Take it from one who learned the hard way.

Hi Ghost. I have no advice, just a note to say I'm so sorry you have had to go through this heartbreak.

People who cheat are just stupid idiots.

longsadstory1952 nailed it. I have seen and experienced exactly what he described. Be ready.

There is no one more desperate than a WW about to lose her standard of living. When the BS does not go along with being Plan B....watch out.

t/j @BeerParty LOL. Cost of living in CA is a bit high, but it can be worth it (sometimes). The gun laws here are strict too. And the taxes are ridiculous. The good news is that AZ is only a one-hour flight away from S. CA. He can get the best of both worlds out in the Southwest. But then again, he can always go to Hawaii and play Kapalua and all those other amazing courses there too. Then there's Hilton Head, SC, and...

Regardless, much props to Spaceghost. I know all of us here just want what's best for him. I also believe that all of us who have been following his thread have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for how he has handled himself throughout this shit ordeal.

Spaceghost, enjoy the rest of your golf outing. Our best wishes to you.

As previously mentioned do not reveal how you got your evidence.

SG Anyone who gets married and places their faith & trust in the hands of their partner only to have it destroyed for any number of pathetic reasons is entitled to proceed as per their belief. Only by remaining comitted to your belief will enable you to move ahead. A marriage: Love,Integrity,honesty and comittment. When any one of these fails then the others start to crumble. But to have it thrown away for fun... I have no pity for a spouse who professes their undying love then blatantly shoves that statement in the toilet. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Be strong.

Space Ghost

Longsadstory has it right. I know you realize it. On 2/6 you went out with your wife and gave her the third chance to tell you the truth. Instead , she lied has ass off to you and called her friend and boyfriend and did she express any remorse. No, she wa upset her fun might be over. You and everyone else knows what she would have been doing had you not filed and went out of town on business again .

I know you are too smart to believe when she got served that her first reaction was remorse. She was fucking devastated she got caught and my guess is her first call and conversation was not to her Mom and Dad . It was to OM and her girlfriend for more cosching and advice on what to do.

From what I have read , remorse is exhibited by actions over time. Running to therapy is simply and effort to prove to you that she is sorry since she still has no idea that you still plan to divorce her and that the talk you are having will probably not save her ass. She sure had no interest in therapy two weeks ago.

Now , like others have told you., you are going to get a barrage of tears , promises, pleading, and begging. She has had a week with her friend, her boyfriend , and her IC to plan on what she is going to say to you.

I don't know why you are convinced that because she says so that she is going to tell you everything. Unless you tell her upfront that what she says will not change the result, she is going to tell you like all cheaters do the minimum of what she thinks you will settle for and still give her a chance to get out of this pickle she is in. I am guessing you will her some statements like " I only did it couple of times" , or " I really did not like it but he kept pursuing me and I did not know how to stop" , or "I was going to end it anyway". (You know that is a lie). He millionaire OM would not be telling her he loves her just from having sex with her a few times while you were out of town. They were probably a lot more sexual encounters than she will ever admit to.

So all I suggest to you is to please do not assume that a woman who has done this to you will be giving you truthful answers to your questions. You are going to get a well rehearsed and prepared act coached by the three people I mentioned and designed to do one thing, which is to get you to weaken.

Remorse does not happen overnight . She is totally regretful and she will tell you anything she has to . I am guessing you know that. Good luck tomorrow .

The why's of this affair aren't important if reconciliation is off the table imo.

All we BS's have to understand is that this probably would have happened no matter what we did. It wasn't about you. It was about her. All of it.

I'm not sure how knowing the details of her f#cked up selfishness is going to help you get past this and continue on with your life.

Let her keep that info for herself. She's already started another life without you. I suggest you keep the 180 in place and let her keep on living it.

Space wants his questions answered about the affair. He wants his WW to answer his questions. It doesn't matter if he is divorceing, he wants his questions answered. For some ( me included) having our questions truthfully answered is part of our healing process. It s really as simple as that. Some here don't want to know the details, others do. Space wants to know an hopefully his soon to be ex wife might just might truthfully answer his questions. He wants to know. That's enough.

Space wants his questions answered about the affair. He wants his WW to answer his questions. It doesn't matter if he is divorceing, he wants his questions answered.

So now he wants something that only she can provide, but of course she wants something too. Let the games begin.

Space wants his questions answered about the affair. He wants his WW to answer his questions. It doesn't matter if he is divorceing, he wants his questions answered. For some ( me included) having our questions truthfully answered is part of our healing process.

This. I wanted this, too. I believed that I was at least owed the truth, as a basic human kindness.

I never got it. Instead I got more "It is all your fault, devotedman." And worse.

As for HouseOfPlane's games/bargaining comment, either she will tell the truth because he's a hurting human or she never will.

SpaceGhost0007, if you feel you need the truth to start healing then know that you might never get it and come to terms with that as soon as possible.

[This message edited by devotedman at 7:17 AM, February 15th (Sunday)]

To nononsense's list of quotes, add "I was trying to end it." And the classic " the sex was just really not that good."

Best of luck today. Stay strong.

SpaceGhost0007, if you feel you need the truth to start healing then know that you might never get it and come to terms with that as soon as possible.

This is very true. But the one thing that I am hoping, is that SG is coming at his WW from such a place of strength, AND has information that his WW does not know, will tend to work in his favor.

Personally, I don't think that SG is going to spend tiring efforts to get the truth out of his WW. I think that he will probably give her one chance to come clean, and if she starts lying, he will just shut down the conversation. He won't be willing to accept any trickle truth.

Again, that is just my opinion. As much as it is difficult to predict how wounded people may behave(in this case both SG and his WW), I have no doubt....based on SG's swiftness, thoroughness, and actions so far....that his toleration for lying will be right around zero.