Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Tactical Primer

default

Skan ( Member #35812) posted at 11:25 PM on Friday, December 19th, 2014

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 7048674
default

Skan ( Member #35812) posted at 5:19 AM on Thursday, December 25th, 2014

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 7054037
default

Skan ( Member #35812) posted at 8:57 PM on Saturday, January 3rd, 2015

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 7065259
default

lordhasaplan? ( Member #30079) posted at 6:51 PM on Wednesday, January 7th, 2015

Bump

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 7069944
default

cantaccept ( Member #37451) posted at 12:25 AM on Sunday, January 18th, 2015

bump

"I'm still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid" Elton John
I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh deleted
I attempted R, he was a lie

posts: 3505   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2012   ·   location: Connecticut
id 7082966
default

5454real ( Member #37455) posted at 8:27 PM on Monday, January 19th, 2015

bump

BH 53, WW 45
DS 25(Mine),SD 24,SS 23(Hers),DS 12 Ours, DGS 6, DGD 2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

posts: 5668   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 7084890
default

Jrazz ( Member #31349) posted at 8:27 AM on Thursday, January 22nd, 2015

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 7088028
default

MangledHeart ( Webmaster Member Zero) posted at 8:03 PM on Wednesday, January 28th, 2015

I just realized you guys have been bumping this thread for over five years! I'll save you the trouble.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002   ·   location: Texas
id 7096195
default

LAFA ( Member #31868) posted at 8:39 PM on Wednesday, January 28th, 2015

Thank you, MH! Great idea.

When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

posts: 247   ·   registered: Apr. 14th, 2011   ·   location: Hawaii
id 7096258
default

doodle123 ( New Member #46638) posted at 2:41 PM on Tuesday, February 3rd, 2015

Thank you

posts: 11   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2015
id 7103102
default

Shattered0917 ( New Member #47225) posted at 11:10 PM on Wednesday, March 18th, 2015

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right spot I'm so new to this.. I need help ! I have no one to talk to I am too ashamed for anyone to know.. My husband and I r known to everyone I know friends and family as the perfects.. We have been so I sink with each other since day one and I have always felt so loved .. Well by accident I came across a plenty of fish account on his phone .. I had to dig cause I was confused.. I shouldn't have because my life has been destroyed.. My husband has been online cheating sexting sending pics ect for months and since dec had been actually going out and sleeping with other women at least 45!!!! I confronted him he tried to sugar coat it and say I did nothing wrong he just needed a self esteem boost and that he's done and he promises it will never happen again.. I'm trying so hard to believe him since I did say for better or for worse.. Sorry for the ramble help im do alone

posts: 1   ·   registered: Mar. 18th, 2015   ·   location: Orange County Ca
id 7155056
default

woundedby2 ( Member #18522) posted at 10:15 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2015

Shattered,

You should start a new topic in Just Found Out and put your story there.

I'm sorry you've had to join us here, but you have found the best place for advice and healing.

I can't imagine the pain of discovering your spouse has been with scores of other women. I'm so sorry. But please prepare yourself for more as the truth comes out.

I think with this sort of scenario, the first thing you need to do is get to the doctor. Explain the situation (I know it's hard) and get tested for STDs. He should also be tested. No unprotected sex until you have seen his results.

I wish you the best. It's going to be rough, but you will get through this.

In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

posts: 8027   ·   registered: Mar. 7th, 2008   ·   location: SoCal
id 7156384
default

Number ( New Member #48226) posted at 10:17 AM on Sunday, June 14th, 2015

Thanks for putting together this Tactical Primer. On my own I've covered many of the steps... But not all.

I especially appreciated the part which encourages not ignoring the affair because I'm going through different emotions from one day to the next - - and some days I want to forget that I've been betrayed. Part of me wants to act like it never happened so that I can quickly return to the previous state of bliss.

I appreciated the part which talked about being accused of invading the wayward spouses' privacy when looking for objective evidence of the affair or continuing communication with the other person. I did confront her with my findings but was made to feel like I was the one who was doing something wrong... And yes... I've been blocked from phone access and FaceBook and made to feel like I am overly rigid.

I'm not happy that I'm here but am thankful that I have a place to come where I can get some support and get my head & heart centered in the right place.

posts: 2   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2015   ·   location: Wichita
id 7252413
default

Denise88 ( New Member #48732) posted at 3:54 PM on Sunday, August 16th, 2015

thanks so much, if only i have come to place sooner, i made so many mistakes

posts: 16   ·   registered: Jul. 26th, 2015
id 7316179
default

3eyeblind ( Member #45921) posted at 2:33 AM on Saturday, September 5th, 2015

Thank you....wish I had read this when I first found out.

WH got the 7 year itch and a borderline personality disordered cw happened to be around to take care of him....aww.

posts: 157   ·   registered: Dec. 10th, 2014   ·   location: West Coast
id 7337432
default

HurtungWife123 ( New Member #49496) posted at 12:56 PM on Friday, September 11th, 2015

Great advice! Thank you.

BW 49, WH 46, M 14 years, T 22 yrs
DS 25 (mine) DDs 11 and 13 (ours)
DDay 8/25/15, Headed for D
Working on R but keeping options open.
I take in stray animals, stray people, I'm kind of a sucker. Typo in name, meant HURTING

posts: 34   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 7342871
default

loneliestman ( Member #49753) posted at 8:36 AM on Saturday, September 26th, 2015

A fantastic primer. Tactics/strategies are everything. They give you goals. Keep you focused. I like the idea of boundaries. It sets out the framwork of a workable marriage from this point on. If those boundaries can't be met by the cheater - and that the boundaries are perfectly reasonable, then there's no hope for the marriage.

posts: 134   ·   registered: Sep. 25th, 2015   ·   location: UK
id 7355790
default

loneliestman ( Member #49753) posted at 8:38 AM on Saturday, September 26th, 2015

I especially appreciated the part which encourages not ignoring the affair because I'm going through different emotions from one day to the next - - and some days I want to forget that I've been betrayed. Part of me wants to act like it never happened so that I can quickly return to the previous state of bliss.

I think it's just you giving yourself a break from the trauma. We all need a break from it, particularly when it's all-consuming.

posts: 134   ·   registered: Sep. 25th, 2015   ·   location: UK
id 7355793
default

SheRecovers ( New Member #49862) posted at 12:34 AM on Wednesday, October 7th, 2015

This is very helpful. I am 3 weeks out and am still as mesed up as day 1. It is helpful to hear I do not have to make any life altering decisions yet and it is still early and I can grieve a bit longer.

posts: 14   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2015
id 7365235
default

griddeniefr ( New Member #49891) posted at 10:44 PM on Friday, October 9th, 2015

Wow,all I can say is Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is a great breakdown and I have already started copying phone records and took pictures of days worth of texting. I also got copies of the 401K and he would have to provide his retirement info. because it's online. I don't think my WH realizes that because were 56 and 57 that it's too close to retirement for me to start trying to get retirement $$$ together. I have not given him a choice yet because I'm about 3 weeks in since D day, but with some more time and counselling, I know I can get there.

Getting stronger everyday!

UN should be Griefridden (damn fat finger typing)

posts: 23   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2015   ·   location: Pa
id 7367890
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210918 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy