Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Tactical Primer

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shopper13 ( Member #19695) posted at 9:44 PM on Tuesday, August 5th, 2008

What a great resource this is. Thanks!

posts: 57   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2008
id 3216226
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wonderingbull ( Member #14833) posted at 6:44 PM on Saturday, August 9th, 2008

Bump for newbies

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

posts: 6054   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2007   ·   location: A better place
id 3225660
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oldtimer97 ( Member #2365) posted at 9:36 AM on Wednesday, August 13th, 2008

bump

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
― Maya Angelou

To save a marriage, you must be willing to lose the marriage.

posts: 3420   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2003   ·   location: Sunny Arizona
id 3232966
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AFguy ( Member #19822) posted at 7:40 PM on Friday, August 15th, 2008

bump

BS Me 36
WS Her 35 Now XW!
Together 16yrs Married 8
No kids thank God, just great dogs.
D-Day 6/25/08 8:06pm.D 7/18/08
I'm way too damn good for her. She will really, really regret this one day.
People should come with warning lables.

posts: 212   ·   registered: Jun. 9th, 2008   ·   location: Maine
id 3238783
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wonderingbull ( Member #14833) posted at 7:05 PM on Saturday, August 16th, 2008

Bump

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

posts: 6054   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2007   ·   location: A better place
id 3240715
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burnt_toast ( Member #16891) posted at 3:34 AM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2008

bumpsey bump

I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

posts: 4996   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2007
id 3255459
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cards96 ( Member #14962) posted at 6:12 AM on Saturday, August 23rd, 2008

GREAT post SerJr, wish it would have been around when I was new to this rollercoaster. Only thing I would add is don't make any snap decisions, think before you act. Your actions will have an impact, positive, negative or neutral, and be prepared to deal with that.

posts: 512   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2007   ·   location: ky
id 3255700
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Balancing Act ( Member #19047) posted at 1:41 PM on Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

bumping for the newbies....this is good stuff!!

Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy

posts: 2443   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2008   ·   location: in the middle, somewhat elevated
id 3261282
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Balancing Act ( Member #19047) posted at 11:52 AM on Friday, August 29th, 2008

bump

Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy

posts: 2443   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2008   ·   location: in the middle, somewhat elevated
id 3268208
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futureshock ( New Member #20835) posted at 7:30 PM on Friday, August 29th, 2008

Thank you SerJR, one of the best posts I have read so far. My only disconnect was with your advice on reconciliation when you said

- Avoid spending too much time together to try and force recovery.

We are in day six and it has been non-stop talking. This increased communication makes us feel we are getting closer. After reading your advice I am now conflicted as to whether we should continue this intense or maybe obsessive communication.

Me-Male BS 55 yrs old
Spouse-Female WS 48 yrs old
Happily married 16 yrs
D day-Aug 23 2008
Current status-working on R - broke NC Sept 8 2008, back on shaky ground
one male child 15 yrs old

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2008
id 3269059
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 SerJR (original poster Member #14993) posted at 8:08 PM on Friday, August 29th, 2008

Hey futureshock - the key point to that statement is the word 'force'. If the communication is coming naturally and you are not uncomfortable spending that much time together then that is great and I encourage you both to keep it up!

The key is that is that you don't want to smother each other or force things to happen at an unnatural pace and be respectful of each other's need for space and other emotional needs.

As for the primer, it presents the general action plan - adapt the tactics as necessary to fit your own situation.

Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

posts: 18506   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2007   ·   location: Further North than South
id 3269124
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futureshock ( New Member #20835) posted at 8:18 PM on Friday, August 29th, 2008

That clears it up very well for me. Thank you again SerJR

Me-Male BS 55 yrs old
Spouse-Female WS 48 yrs old
Happily married 16 yrs
D day-Aug 23 2008
Current status-working on R - broke NC Sept 8 2008, back on shaky ground
one male child 15 yrs old

posts: 42   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2008
id 3269143
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Balancing Act ( Member #19047) posted at 10:31 PM on Sunday, August 31st, 2008

bump

Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy

posts: 2443   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2008   ·   location: in the middle, somewhat elevated
id 3272239
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SophieKnows ( Member #20839) posted at 8:53 PM on Monday, September 1st, 2008

What a great post.. I am only in phase 1, collecting all my evidence. This is a very painful process, but I know I need to do this.

Me: BS - 33
WH - 33 SA, Multiple D-Days, Multiple OWs, Multiple Profiles on Dating Sites

False R - Was Separated - Now in Limbo while he's going through IC.

Mother to a wonderful 4 year old daughter.

posts: 108   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 3273882
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Balancing Act ( Member #19047) posted at 2:41 PM on Friday, September 5th, 2008

bump

Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy

posts: 2443   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2008   ·   location: in the middle, somewhat elevated
id 3281987
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pitiful ( Member #8137) posted at 2:42 AM on Monday, September 8th, 2008

Bump for humiliated again.

luv u bye





posts: 1711   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2005   ·   location: il
id 3287719
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bbee ( Member #17840) posted at 5:48 AM on Thursday, September 11th, 2008

bump

This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

All's Well That Ends Well, Act I, Scene 1

posts: 6681   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2008   ·   location: SE US
id 3294763
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 SerJR (original poster Member #14993) posted at 11:34 PM on Thursday, September 25th, 2008

Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

posts: 18506   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2007   ·   location: Further North than South
id 3304639
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IKnowNow ( Member #12188) posted at 9:45 AM on Friday, September 26th, 2008

Great SerJR!

*just bumping*

Me - BW.

A MLC is not a reason, it's an excuse! - Me.

posts: 731   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2006
id 3305238
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HelpMeUnderstand ( New Member #19947) posted at 12:03 PM on Friday, September 26th, 2008

I wish I had this at the beginning of my journey. THANK YOU so much for your insight. I've been on this site before, but didn't really know where I fit in. Now I know. It's hard to start healing when you don't know where to begin. You made my day!

posts: 3   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2008   ·   location: Midwest
id 3305283
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