Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Tactical Primer

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ThoughtIKnewYa ( Member #18449) posted at 5:03 PM on Saturday, January 17th, 2009

posts: 12215   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2008
id 3552839
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caribou ( Member #21852) posted at 10:31 AM on Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

and bump

Me- BS 40 yrs
D-Day 29 Sept 08

"When dealing with a cake-eater you close the bakery" - Catwoman

posts: 481   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2008   ·   location: Melbourne, Australia
id 3564567
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ThoughtIKnewYa ( Member #18449) posted at 10:09 PM on Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

posts: 12215   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2008
id 3582641
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twopercenter ( Member #17024) posted at 8:17 AM on Monday, February 2nd, 2009

Bump!

posts: 275   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2007
id 3594021
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twopercenter ( Member #17024) posted at 8:17 AM on Monday, February 2nd, 2009

Bump!

posts: 275   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2007
id 3594022
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mom-of-3 ( New Member #22623) posted at 2:46 PM on Monday, February 2nd, 2009

thank-you for bumping this!

Me: 35WH: 32
Together 11 years, married for 5
Kids - D9, S4 & S2He's had 3 PA's & 1 EAWe're both now in counseling... I'm considering R

posts: 12   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2009
id 3594395
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ThoughtIKnewYa ( Member #18449) posted at 4:27 PM on Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009

posts: 12215   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2008
id 3597484
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betterdaysahead ( Member #12309) posted at 5:01 PM on Thursday, February 19th, 2009

bumped

The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. ☯

posts: 13649   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2006   ·   location: Canada
id 3641738
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StoryHour ( Member #19725) posted at 5:57 PM on Thursday, February 19th, 2009

This really should be stickied.

3 Strikes you're out pal!
D. 8-10

posts: 2040   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2008
id 3641909
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snowed ( Member #22895) posted at 6:25 PM on Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Stickied? It should be mandatory reading material right after you get married. "I know you both promised to be faithful, but the reality is, likely ain't gonna happen. So this is what to do."

Feeling a bit jaded today.

posts: 75   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2009
id 3641991
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FastForward ( Member #22073) posted at 3:24 PM on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

posts: 207   ·   registered: Dec. 16th, 2008   ·   location: So. FL.
id 3653491
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sofresh ( Member #22912) posted at 3:40 PM on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

I fear if I tell poeple like his co-workers, her parents, his employer, his parents that he would NEVER forgive me.

And I fear he'll get fired.

ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

posts: 630   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2009   ·   location: NY
id 3653531
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sofresh ( Member #22912) posted at 1:59 PM on Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

I told him that his mother knew something was wrong...I had told her three weeks ago about the fact that my paranoia (which I now know was concrete suspicion) was upseting him and that we weren't getting along.

Yeah...I feel like it's 1 step forward 4 steps back.

But at this point I believe it is in God's hands and no matter what I do...make him happy,kiss his ass, piss him off ask too many questions.....that it's going to end the same way regardless.

I think we all need to see things that way...if I were to force him to stay waht gratification would that give me...I would feel more loved for him to decide on his own accord.

ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

posts: 630   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2009   ·   location: NY
id 3656093
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 SerJR (original poster Member #14993) posted at 4:12 PM on Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

sofresh - you're quite right that you can't control him and that you don't want a relationship with him where he is a reluctant partner. What's important is to set up those personal boundaries for ourselves to protect what is important to us. By taking charge in this manner, we force a WS's hand into making the decision they were going to make and pull ourselves out of the limbo so that we are able to move forward with our lives. The techniques mentioned in here not only help to rebuild our empowerment, but also apply motivating factors to promote that movement.

Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

posts: 18506   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2007   ·   location: Further North than South
id 3656494
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redrock ( Member #21538) posted at 2:36 AM on Saturday, February 28th, 2009

Bumping

I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

posts: 3460   ·   registered: Nov. 6th, 2008   ·   location: Michigan
id 3664210
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NoMoreNiceGuy ( Member #22956) posted at 9:42 PM on Friday, March 13th, 2009

SerJR - Thank you. It's been 2 1/2 years since seperation for us and we are at a weird stand-off phase (no-win). She cries for 'lovy-love' but it seems to never get us anywhere. There's just another fault of mine that'll be the NEXT big issue (excuse) to hold of reconciliation. So I posted a question in the Recon. Forum, (Lovy-Love)Love Dare vs. Tough Love? and received near 200 responses and counting. Unanimously in favor of Tough-Love/180. But -socold- just led me here and the info just might be what it takes to break the stale-mate. Thanks allot! And great work.

NiceGuy

[This message edited by NoMoreNiceGuy at 3:43 PM, March 13th (Friday)]

posts: 73   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2009   ·   location: Salem, OR
id 3697013
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brohl5 ( Member #13440) posted at 7:53 PM on Thursday, March 19th, 2009

bumping for newbies

I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.

posts: 5674   ·   registered: Jan. 25th, 2007   ·   location: Indiana
id 3709280
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tkd1 ( Member #6661) posted at 3:51 AM on Friday, March 20th, 2009

yay for this Primer...thanks again Ser.

"I Just need a compass and a willing accomplice." P!nk, Crystal Ball

posts: 2935   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2005   ·   location: SE Ga
id 3710258
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Brokken ( Member #22373) posted at 6:15 PM on Friday, March 20th, 2009

Could not agree more...

Anyone have suggestions or experience that would help me decide if it is time to pull the trigger on Step #4?

Together 6 years...
Married 08/08/08
D-Day #1 - 01/01/09
D-Day #2 - 03/10/09
Divorced - 10/16/09

"Don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option..."

posts: 164   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2009   ·   location: SLC, UT - USA
id 3711527
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Want2Run ( Member #22745) posted at 6:22 PM on Friday, March 20th, 2009

This is a great help. Thank you!!Calms me down a bit just to see it in simple steps.

Happily divorced!!
Moved on...well we still have to co-parent...

posts: 304   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2009   ·   location: Mid-Atlantic
id 3711558
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